good lord. i have had the shittiest past couple of days. mixed with a few spots of ecstatic joy. i'm sure it will lose something in the telling…

sunday night i witnessed the single most horrifying spectacle ever. after hearing word of a c+c music factory / tone loc show on the riverfront, we thought it would be a great cheap night out…god save my soul…i was wrong…so wrong.

upon arriving we found out they were actually charging for the show. we let out a collective "fuck that" and proceeded to hop the fence. we knew the perfect spot for it, too…we had done the same thing friday night to see vhs or beta. en route to the fence jumping spot (more like fence stepping, but whatever) we heard these strange noises coming from the stage. it sounded like the unholy union of a whipporwhill and a horny chimp. intensely scary.

when we finally got within sight of the stage, i was struck with how unlike a factory c+c music factory actually is. it was just two people walking around on this ridiculously huge stage. there was no band. at all. all the music was piped in like some sort of violently unholy muzak. they pranced around the stage and sang really shitty music. i was expecting this. but i expected to be amused, not sickened. it all made me realize why i listen to the music that i do. and then freedom began to freestyle. i really can't call it freestyling. but considering i'm still in recovery from the lobotomy that this event was, i can't invent a new word for what he did. for the sake of argument, we'll call it shit. the man couldn't get three lines into a flow before he had to stop (and i imagine him asking someone "what rhymes with back?") and think about it. he was a complete and total fucking idiot.

the only saving grace of the evening was heckling the shit out of them. when they finally said they were gonna "take it home," we screamed for them never to come back. scott and i were actually plotting to march up to the stage and take the mic from his hand and tell him to go home. unfortunately, we never got around to it.

when tone loc finally took the stage, i was quite let down that "the loc" could turn the voice off. he just sounded like some regular dick. it kinda pissed me off. i'm really not gonna get into how disgusted i was when freedom joined them onstage for another "freestyling" session. fuck all that.

and then today my muffler fell off my car.

today there will be no links for you to enjoy. and rest assured that i have found god. and i've realized he doesn't give a fuck about us. as a matter of fact…he hates our guts.

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I have just witnessed one of the most embarrasing spectacles of the twentieth century. last night, brian, Jess, (brian's friend) Scott, & I all went down to the waterfront to catch a "free" show. the scheduled entertainment for the evening was Tone Loc and C&C Music Factory. I wasn't expecting much, but it was a free show, and I did recognize the names involved–I even actually used to like Tone Loc, so I thought it would be an interesting evening out for four broke-and-bored-as-hell people.

as we approached the entrance, we noticed that they were actually taking money, so in a flash of fortuitous thought, we decided to take a stroll to a point where we could hop the fence (not that that was a really difficult task, but…).

C&C were already on the stage as we approached, and pretty much from the moment we'd gotten out of the car, we'd been laughing our asses off at the lame attempt at edgy, funky, hip-hop. now, C&C were never what one would consider "good", but I did like that one song at one point (back in high school when the only music I had to listen to was WPKY in Princeton, KY.–if you haven't heard of Princeton, you get the idea…) anyway, as we listened further to the strangling cat sounds coming from the stage, and the worse than a three year old, totally non-flowing "freestyle" coming from the "leader", we began to despair and would have immediately started looking for long range weapons, had we not been completely mind-wiped before we could protect ourselves.

eventually, we just started yelling for them to get off the stage, go home, go shoot themselves, or whatever during lulls of the "music". death would have been much more enjoyable… a slow, gruesome, excrutiatingly painful death.

I was simply holding out for Tone, holding a flicker of hope in my heart that he might be somewhat good.

all I can say is that he was better. he, at least, could freestyle with some actual style. it was still somewhat dissapointing hearing his live rendition of "Funky Cold Medina" I remembered it being much better, much more dynamic. and the fact that Tone can turn the deep gravely "Tone Loc" voice on and off at will, and that actually 75% of the time he sounded just like every other rapper, kind of dispelled some of the old magic.

the worst blow to the evening came after Tone's little teaser, after he urged the crowd to chant– " I say wild, you say Thing!", then decided not to do Wild Thing, but instead to freestyle some more. not only did he decide to freestyle rather than going on and performing one of his greatest hits, but he invited (or maybe was forced to invite) the guy from C&C onstage to join in the rhymes. a collective groan was heard from the three individuals around me, and we swayed on our feet as we tried to decide whether or not to leave. Tone rapped for a while, then passed the mike to C&C guy (brian just pointed out that his name is Freedom Williams–we can only hope for eventual freedom from mr williams) who immediately started pretending he hadn't stolen all his rhymes from his much more competent predecessors. even with his third grade rhymes, he had absolutely no flow whatsoever. he made it about three, sometimes four phrases, before having to pause for several seconds to rack his tiny brain for more rhyming words.

within 10 seconds of "freedom" taking the stage, we had firmly decided to immediately leave. we had almost forgotten how to walk, and swore we'd just lost over 100 IQ points. the discussion centered firmly around the horror we had just witnessed, and we decided that if we were Tone Loc, on tour with these "performers" we'd probably blow our brains out after the first show.

Tone's journal would probably read something like this…

Comeback Tour 2000

day one:

    I can't take it anymore, I tried to hold out, but it's not worth it. Tell my mother I love her, and please forgive me.

tone

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late night. sitting at kinko's. scary thing is…i work here. and i'm fucking here in my off hours. printing new transmission3000 flyers and trying to get the sticker worked out right. shit just really starts working less and less as the hours creep past 2am.

speaking of transmission3000…i'm gearing up to start doing a shit load of road trippin' and show recordin'. so maybe i'll post a list of the shows in various cities that i'll be at. maybe. then again…maybe not.

the mind is just not working right. i'm sorry.

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quick update just to point something out and toot my own considerable horn just a bit. I actually finally put a few hours into figuring out javascripts and shit that'll make bipolar a little "friendlier" (for me and brian at least). first change was adding a little thing that'll force you to use frames even if you don't like 'em. bipolar just wouldn't be bipolar without 'em.

second change, and the reason for the "title" of this entry, I finally added (as we promised when we first opened up this little hellhole) javascripts to handle the archives somewhat. basically, from here on out, we don't have to do shit to add new archives, they'll (or they should) just automatically pop up from now until eternity.

now we've just gotta get these little scripties over to brian's side… I think maybe I'll let him figure it out for himself…

in other non-news, I was going to write a nice, long, really depressing entry, but I think I'll save it since I need to get some fucking sleep, I've kind of fucked up on my committment to get to bed before 11PM everynight, and last night MC Seth-yo of wraithsys (our wonderful hosts here) came over and installed Linux on an old 486 PC I'd assumed I'd never use again.

I'll try to post that depressing shit tomorrow.
(something to look foward to…)

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interesting addendum to yesterday's free starbucks comment: it seems as if my little coupon should actually say "free starbucks for life." it's kinda like thor's hammer…it keeps returning to me. which is a good thing. because i wouldn't be paying that much fucking money for coffee when i could just go down the street to heine brothers and get it done cheaper and better. but i guess you can't get any cheaper than free. not that i won't continue to patronize "the heine." it's my favorite place for coffee in this crazy town. the starbucks thing just solves my whole "paying for coffee while at work" problem.

now that that is out of the way…adam at kempa.com has posted an interesting article about the relation between the smiths and guns 'n' fuckin' roses. he stretches a bit, and a lot of the things are like saying "both bands are controversial," but it's an enjoyable read, nonetheless.

i lied yesterday. sebastian did update signal drench…to say that he's on vacation and won't be updating signal drench…

maybe i'll have more to say later…

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it's been a while since i've felt like i had anything of importance to say. i still don't feel like i do, but paul pointed out that it's been something like 2 weeks since i've updated, so i thought i better get on the ball.

besides…feeling like i had nothing to say has never stopped me before…

adam at kempa.com has updated a couple of times in my absence. scoot over there and check it out.

signal drench, on the other hand…well…let's just say that sebastian is…indisposed…

i'm getting free shit from hershey. i bought a pack of rolos yesterday, and only 3 of them actually had caramel in them. no shit. the rest were solid chocolate. when i called the nice people at hershey, the operator was quite shocked. "rolos are supposed to have caramel in them," she gasped. well, rest assured, they're sending me compensation for my loss.

i also got free starbucks. that story isn't interesting at all. not in the slightest. free coffee, though.

out.

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