well, didn't do any drunken scripting last night, but did a bit of drunken ogling of beautiful women. unfortunately, brian and I were both ogling the same girl, and brian being in the mood he was in I didn't really feel like making any moves (out of respect) (that, and I probably wouldn't have made any moves anyway, 'cause I never do, and really don't think I even know how anymore).

sometimes, and more often lately, I feel like a complete social retard, unable to communicate or connect with the people around me, often, even with my closest friends. even my sister and I, though I love her to death and was really happy to get to see her again, didn't really talk that much the few hours she was here. I find myself riding in cars with my best friends, hanging out with them, and–maybe–saying 15 words between locations… I don't know if its me, or what. it's not that I don't want to talk with them, quite the contrary, it's just that for some reason most of the time I don't feel I have anything worthwhile to say. I think that's why my best days tend to be days when my friends are all happy and talky, and I can just kind of sit and listen to them and not really feel pressured to contribute.

and it's not that I'm a total mute either, I can and do talk to them, but there're just those times, and to me, it just seems like they happen too often.

i've also come to the conclusion that if I don't have it already, i'm probably developing some mild form of seasonal affective disorder. too many things have happened to me during the winter months of my life that haven't been good, or that have started out good and ended up with me mentally and emotionally beaten again. too many memories.