alright, i've been reading erasing.org for several months now, on a mostly daily basis, and i just now clicked the Sadness link. such a simple concept, replacing words in corporate slogans with the word sadness. simple, profound (in spots), and so much the story of my life (at times).

so, i got an email from nathan last night… or this morning… er… whatever, reprimanding me for the non-substantial nature of my posts (see paul i told you so). in other words, or in his words, he complained that since he's been reading, he's not really finding anything out about my life, but about the other useless crap i've felt compelled to fill these pages with for the past few posts.

i figured he would have liked the "holy grail" post, but then he's heard about her enough times, it's old news to him. i figured he would have liked my "year in review" post since i provided a brief roadmap to some of the more important points of my life that have occurred since the inception of this blog.

but he's right. with the exception of the "holy grail" post, everything else has pretty much just been filler.

so, i've been busy at work, at least until a week ago, when the frantic activity suddenly came to a grinding halt due to the fact that no one could seem to get me the remaining three pieces of content that i needed to complete the new corvus site (on which, btw, are welcome).

in my home life, i've been busy cataloging my comics, now that brian and i are helping beta-test OmniComics and catching up on email. i've now got five emails in my inbox at home, compared to the 25 that were sitting in there for a few weeks. i've been trying to refine my focus a little, concentrate on certain projects, see them through to completion… y'know, the way it should be done. like the puffin i tend to get 15 or 20 projects going at the same time, and just never finish them. when i think about all the things i've got "waiting in the wings" i just feel kind of hopeless and lost. so, it's been good to finish the email project, to be near completion on the comics project, (and yes, i'm still working on the bipolar redesign project, which is… uhm… kinda close).

overall, i can't say i'm really happy, but i'm not really depressed either. i'm just kind of… here. and i don't know, maybe that's even worse than the other two.

ah, don't worry 'bout li'l ol' me though, i'll be fine.

apparently someone has decided to take digs at various posts of mine, lately. this isn't really sitting well with me, and i've made the issue known. despite my broaching of the subject, the behavior appears to be continuing.

while doing my morning surfing, i ran across this. it's a test movie of the lithtech game engine being developed by monolith. that movie is a sample of in-game graphics on ps2. truly stunning.

it seems that my car is completely fucked. it's totally ironic and fitting that i named my mix cd "death march for a 1987 accord". either that, or i completely jinxed the whole thing. damn it. i hate when i do that. i'm now faced with the weighty decision on whether i should fix it or not. i'm currently on track to get a new apartment by the end of this month, but this is going to throw a giant wrench into the works. just between you and me, i really don't need these headaches.

it seems one of the first big moves of the aol/time warner megalith is to drastically cut spending. cnn has apparently laid off around 400 employees, and michael de luca has resigned as the head of new line pictures (a division of the corporation, but aren't we all at this point?). what could any of this mean for the future of dc comics? i guess we'll just have to keep our eyes on this one, huh?

i need to get back to not doing work…

newest obsession: desktopgirls.com. yes, it is rather piggish of me. no, i don't give a damn. personal favorites here and here.

it seems i'm quite the problem solver here at work today. i've run down a couple of really obscure network problems that had gotten past a couple of other people before getting to me. this really means nothing in the larger sceme of things…it just makes me feel like "the man." and we know what a good feeling that is…

two shows i really wish i could make it to: the casket lottery playing a "police tribute" night in lawrence, ks @ the bottleneck. and the chris kempa memorial show in detroit with hey mercedes. i'm gonna be grumbling about both of those for a while, i'm sure…

we watched something about mary last night. matt hadn't seen it, so it was a good excuse to see it again. it's the third or forth time i've seen it, but it's still a damn funny movie. matt dillon makes a complete ass out of himself, and looks like he enjoys it completely.

i just got back from lunch. i stopped by the comic shop to pick up my books and ended up signing up to help them move the store to the new location this weekend. never bite the hand that feeds you, man…never.

in breaking news: jason newsted is leaving metallica. first they kill cliff…now this. [via are you wearing a wire?]

speaking of bob…i need to email him to make sure he got his package. i get all antsy when i send things out. i almost always use priority mail, and i still sweat it big time. i think it's just a weird neurotic habit of mine, huh? now that my cousin is a mailman, i don't know whether to relax or sweat it even more…

here's an excerpt from an email i just wrote my dad, that i thought might be of interest to… whoever. basically, this is a brief list of some local restaurants i like, with little one-line descriptions.

  "…maybe you'd like to take a jaunt down to Frankfort Ave, there're some great restaurants in that area. Let me think of some of the options:

Irish Rover : Good Good Good Irish food.
Kim's : awesome oriental
Grape Leaf : great greek
Genny's Diner : greasy spoon, tasty heart-attacks on plates. oh, and they have "frickled pickles," which are awesome breaded deep-fried pickles.
Clifton's Pizza : pretty standard non-chain pizza restaurant (good pizza).

on the Bardstown Rd. tip, there's:

Twig & Leaf : another diner, greasy spoon, they're "tops in food" (according to their slogan) and famous on these pages for the ever popular "Louisville Paul (Hot) Brown" and the cheesy twig taters.
ZA's : pretty standard non-chain pizza place (good calzones).
Bristol : pretty standard non-chain chain "fancy" restaurant
Ramsis : great little place with really good multi-ethnic food
Skyline Chili : cheap, tasty, fast-food spaghetti
LaBambas : cheap burritos as big as your head
Dittos : quality non-chain relative of Applebees or Fridays

and, that's it. like i said, it's a limited list of stuff i just took a few moments to think about. but, for you out-of-towners, any one of these restaurants is worth visiting if you're in town for more than 30 minutes.

i got up 15 minutes early. this may not sound like much, but it's pretty damned impressive for me. i'm one of those people that dreads getting out of bed in the mornings. but then again…aren't we all? it's not like it's a fun activity or anything…

cheers to us|against|them for their new redesign. i know i'm a little late in mentioning it, but shit happens, you know? thanks also go out to them for linking to both bipolar and transmission3000. they really know how to get on a guy's good side.

i know nanette already mentioned it, but this site is freakin' hilarious. i recommend all of the amber chats. a true laugh riot.

for the record, i am feeling much better now. i've been a little hoarse, but other than that, everything checks out fine. i'm still alive an kicking. i know that's a letdown to some of you out there, but i guess you'll just have to deal with it.

back to work…more later.

i feel much better now. i still sat out from work, but i plan on making that time up, plus grabbing a few extra hours. i have a new apartment (or house!) to spring for in the next few weeks, so i need the extra cash.

to make myself feel better, i decided to make a mix cd. it kinda spans all of my past and present rock tastes. the track listing goes a little something like this:

Death March for a 1987 Accord
superchunk – like a fool
radiohead – idioteque (bbc)
dinosaur jr. – turnip farm
hey mercedes – the house shook
insidious – nothing's wrong
rem – so fast, so numb
the national acrobat – the mantis romantic
sonic youth – sugar kane
small brown bike – hideaway
deftones – mini maggot
nirvana – oh the guilt
rocket from the crypt – on a rope
the casket lottery – bill & axe
texas is the reason – a jack with one eye
shellac – canaveral
radiohead – lift (live)
fugazi – long distance runner
rolling stones – gimme shelter
superchunk – why do you always have to put a date on everything?

all together, it's a hell of a rock ride, i'd say. the whole thing got sparked by my need to have a copy of turnip farm for my car. i guess it just kinda snowballed.

i went out with paul earlier. we didn't do much, but it was nice to get out of the house and get some air. we just rolled out to a couple of comic shops to pick up some supplies for paul's ongoing comic "reorganization" project. a geek's tasks are never finished, i tell you.

i should know…

i've just spent the past 15 minutes or so laughing my ass off at the witticisms of our president-"elect."

probably the funniest one i read, until i had to quit before my head exploded:

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."?LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

read more bushisms, just put the glass down first.

i used to date this girl. she was the love of my life. for two years, through all the arguments and full-blown fights, i wanted nothing but to spend my life with her. maybe i didn't show it at all times, and i ended up paying for that in the end, but the feelings i had for this girl ran so deep it was scary. our relationship ended up imploding somewhere around the summer of 1999. we had just gotten back from a roadtrip to chicago (funny how that city plays such a factor in my life, huh?) to see the make-up. we hadn't talked for a couple of days, and i was feeling shitty about it. i woke up "that day" intending on taking her some flowers to patch up our latest argument. an argument that was pretty mild, compared to some of our throw-downs of the past couple of years. when i called her house to verify she was home, we talked for a while, and she ended up dumping me. before i had even gotten out of bed. before i had even taken my morning piss. i was devastated. i didn't know what to do with myself. i was completely lost and i didn't care. i shut the world out and let everything fall apart.

it's still hard to think about, even this far removed from the situation. it took me six long months to put it as far behind me as i could. i spent the first three of those drinking myself stupid, all alone, and sending my attendance record at work spiraling down into nothing. i let her manipulate me that whole time. my heart and mind were constantly being punished for caring too much.

but eventually i was able to move on, as she was too. i've interacted with her very little since then. i've remained pleasant towards her, trying to be the big guy. trying to keep things friendly. she, on the other hand, has been nothing but an ass.

what brings all of this on…i've heard some rather disturbing stories about her over the past year or so. for someone i cared so much about at one point, this really hurt. i felt bad for her. but she brings it all upon herself. she has some new beau who makes it apparent to everyone in earshot that's he's going to kick my ass. i still haven't heard any viable reason for his violent attitude towards me, and it puzzles the hell out of me. and to know that she puts up with this kind of shit, and if only half the stories i've heard are true…fuck it. my heart can't be wasted on someone that doesn't care enough about themselves to grow up. she's trying to remain an eternal 16 year-old, and someday that will all come crashing down.

i'm sure no one out there gives a fat rat's ass about any of this, and i'm not sure if it makes any sense. i guess i just needed to get it off of my chest.

this post is for you, girl. i wish you had some fucking sense.

i am sick as a dog. my throat has actually stopped hurting, for the most part, now i have one of those lovely head colds. i'm starting to think i actually have a fever, too. maybe i'll do a dramatic repeat of last year's 105 degree ride to the store…god i hope not.

so in the spirit of being sick, i did absolutely nothing today. unless you count laying in the floor playing playstation2 an "interesting activity", you'd be pretty bored hanging out with me today. i just hope i feel better tomorrow. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i actually want to get back to work.

i'm drawin' blanks, kids…time for me to shuffle back off to bed.