a day late and probably more than a dollar short: the winner of the "redesign bipolar before we do" contest is…jessie hung from scenic hong kong (no shit!). you'll be able to see the winning entry up here soon, we're just gonna iron out the needed css and javascript issues. all of the entries were awesome, but this one really stood out. keep your eyes open.

i've been listening to lot's of weezer lately. mainly because i'll be venturing back up to the windy city to see them the weekend of march the 9th. i guess i'm just getting into that frame of mind, right? best part about this whole renewed weezer kick? my renewed vigor for the awesome weezer offshoot, the rentals. seriously good stuff.

so i have a million things to do before my trip tomorrow. considering my plane leaves at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow, i better get packin'…

wow. i wrote a pretty sizeable post earlier, only to have it eaten by the beast which is blogger. it's okay, though. it probably wasn't that good anyway.

i'm almost done with a work day that's felt a lot longer than it has any business to. i only got about 3 hours of sleep last night, after talking to guy for the majority of the night. guy and i have had quite a few issues that have apparently gone unaddressed since he's been back, and it was nice to get most of it out in the clear. i wish it just could have happened a little earlier in the day…

so i'm flying out to the north east next week. i'll be seeing my good friend jack, which is always a bonus. i've got a few other things percolatin', but nothing i think i'll bring up just yet. big developments, to say the least. stay tuned for the good dirt.

on that note, i'll probably not post too much next week. i'll be too busy seeing new cities and such. i'll be wide eyed, asking about that whole "tea party" thing, buying records at completely new record stores…all the important stuff.

and this post is really starting to suck. lame lame lame. adieu.

so after a night of moderate drinking and a late night, half-drunk visit to twig and leaf, where i sampled my first hot brown…i finally went to sleep. and then i woke up. sounds exciting, huh?

i got up and wandered around sleepy-eyed until i called paul for our usually late saturday lunch. it was officially, as paul dubbed it, "cute teenage girl day" at the mall. we opted to go there for our favorite greasy sandwich depot, the steak escape. paul and i then decided that the "big pimpin'" portion of the day was now complete…now into the "big chiefin'" stage…

the contest is officially over. expect a winner to be declared soon.

gotta go. more chiefin' to do.

ouch. this is officially two days without a post. i can't believe i didn't even say hi. what a bastard i am. oh well…get over it.

twice now i have turned down a return visit to fazoli's to gaze upon the aforementioned beauty from a few days ago. yep. opted out. not interested anymore. got bigger fish to fry. what does any of this mean?

it means that my job starts to feel like it is actually removing the life from my body. minute by minute, i'm dying in that hole. i took lunch way too early today, forcing me to sit through a huge eight hour stretch of the day with very little break time. this is not what we would refer to as a "good thing." hells no. this is, as they say, simply hell. i ended up bailing out of work a half hour early just because i couldn't stand being there another minute. i grabbed a coke out of the machine and trucked it home.

the house was empty when i got here. matt and brax were at band practice, and jess was nowhere to be found. this only became an issue when someone actually called for her. i know she's going out of town this weekend, but i don't have a clue when. things like that tend to happen around here. i can't say i don't enjoy having the house all to myself for a little while. it's peaceful. until i start blasting music.

so here it is, late as hell. the music is off and everyone is in bed but me. i've still got some email to write, but after that i'm thinking i'll head off to sleep, myself.

have a good night.

it's official…we've got some seriously good entries coming in for the contest. we've just received our first international entry, so everyone here on the home soil better get macking on this thing. enter, you fools!

i didn't do much yesterday. i worked. i left work. i ate some kickass spring rolls with jess. the crazy thing about me and jess is that we dated. we dated for about six months. things didn't work out. probably mostly my fault. we all live together in the same apartment, and i'd have to say that there were some seriously uncomfortable times right off. but jess and i are now closer friends than we've ever been. we've even decided to keep the apartment for a while, just her and me, if matt and brax move in with paul. so i'd have to say that this is a first for me: a non-homicidal ex-girlfriend. things are looking up. hooray for me.

i think i hear some food calling my name…

so i went to work today. i slaved away. i sat there, working for the man. i ate lunch. i came back from lunch. then in the mid afternoon…

i found out a guy i know killed himself. i had to find out in the coldest way possible, via aim. i'm not mad at guy for telling me, but i was quite shocked, and none of it seemed real at the time. my head was swimming. i was stuck in a rat box, trying to make sense of what was being told to me. i tried to remember the last time i saw him. amazingly enough, my antisocialism has kept me insulated to the fact this has happened. it happened exactly a week ago. and then i found out the hard part…

he killed himself in the exact manner, in the exact place that his girlfriend did a couple of years ago. i knew her from a long time ago. i used to work with her at a local bar and grill type restaurant. we were friendly. i thought she was cool.

and now they're both gone, wiped from the face of the earth by whatever forces motivate people to do things like this.

i don't think i have anything intelligent to say about this. i am completely at a loss.

we went out to eat at this fast-food italian place called fazolis tonight. while i was waiting in line, i was quite taken by this tallish girl with these amazing eyes and short, amazingly black hair. she happened to work there, so when we were getting ready to leave, i thought "hey…this may be my only chance to ever say something to this girl." so i plodded up to the counter, with full intentions of saying something. here's how the encounter went down:

Me: excuse me…
Her: yes?
Me: … (totally paralyzed by her beautiful eyes)
Her: yes?
Me: uhhh…do you think i could have some more breadsticks?

ABORT! ABORT! OUR MAN IS GOING DOWN IN FLAMES!

god damn it…i am so fucking stupid…i got lost in her eyes…

i did get the breadsticks, though.

after work. want to die. cold ones, guide me through. totally drained after what seems like an eternity of nothingness. i'm going to pass out and have an existential dream…

participate in the contest. you won't regret it.

so valentine's day was a bust. but you knew that already, didn't you? paul and i both opted to sit at our respective homes, basically deciding that if the both of us got together, we would most likely start drinking uncontrollably. if it hadn't been a work night, this probably wouldn't have been a bad idea.

having just dropped out of a relationship, i guess i really have no room to bitch about my current state. especially since i was the one that broke it off. but valentine's day has just left me pretty down and feeling more alone than ever. i don't think i ca remember ever really having a good valentine's day. nothing ever tends to work out the way i wanted or planned. i guess that can really just be applied to life, in general, but you get the point.

kerry was asking me what i really wanted in a girl, and, to tell the truth, that's a pretty tough question to answer right now. she definitely has me thinking about it, though. i know i want someone to hang out with. someone to have fun with, as well as share those quiet moments of whatever. i am not going to get into a long-winded emo dissertation right now, but i think you get the point.

scary chance valentine's day encounter: i ran into the girl i liked my entire grade school career last night. this is the girl i wanted to marry from kindergarten straight through to 6th grade. we became really good friends after all of that, and even used to hang out when i was 18 and she lived close to the communal house i was taking up space in. we fell out of touch (mostly due to her being a little, how you say, "crispy around the edges"), but i still end up seeing her in the most unexpected places every year or so. last night was no exception. i was at our local little mart thing, walking out, when she kinda blindsided me and was like "hey! give me a hug!" i tried my best to give a nice, kinda shocked, very distant hug. you get the point. she showed me a picture of her baby (said baby is about all that pops up in our little 5 minute conversations over the past few years), and then pointed to a clever looking fella that was walking out of the store. she said "that's the daddy." which caused the gentleman to turn around, look at me, and say "fuck her. i did." like i said…really clever fella. needless to say, i extracted myself from that situation very quickly. i'm sure a good time was had by all.
meeting time total for this year: about 2.5 minutes.

it's valentine's day, and i'm sitting at work. basking in the clacking of keys and the hum of machines. no love for me, ladies and gentlemen…just the joy of work.

i'm glad to know that my friend ben is doing alright since he moved back to new york city. he's got a job doing web design for atlantic records, and it sounds like things are on an upswing. witness this recent exchange:

b3nlord: i like tv.
Transmission3000: i hate tv.
Transmission3000: it makes me do things like watch New Jack City at 2am.
b3nlord: i love shit like that.
Transmission3000: true.
Transmission3000: i just hate it when i have to work the next day.
b3nlord: i have to go update Rod Stewarts website now. (how weird is that?)
Transmission3000: awesome.
b3nlord: weird.
Transmission3000: definitely.

so…yeah…things seem to be going well. hopefully he's keeping it real on the rod stewart tip.

while i was out on lunch, i swung by the record store to see jim and pick up a copy of the clerks uncensored dvd. it has all six episodes of the animated series, complete with commentary, on a two disc set. talk about handy.

now i need to get back to being a bitter, loveless asshole.