yesterday i left work early. i climbed into my car and drove until i was in fear of running out of gas. in some small town in indiana, i decided to fill the tank back up and try to get home. i spent yesterday trying to run away from a situation that is causing me a great deal of pain. i realized, when i got back home, that that situation isn't going to go away, no matter how much running i do.

what happens when you give someone all you have to give, to the point where you have nothing left for yourself?

my impending trip to go see her this friday has been cancelled and uncancelled, all in one day. jack decided maybe it would be better for me if i came out there anyway, maybe just to hang in boston and get away from home for a little while. maybe he's right. i just know that i won't be able to climb off of that plane, not wanting to see her. i know i'll scan the crowd, every face, just to see if she decided to show up. there's some hope in the back of my mind, deep down in my heart, that she will show up. that just makes me feel all the more foolish.