i hate moving. i'm sure i'm not alone in this, since pretty much every person with whom i've ever had even the most rudimentary conversation regarding moving has agreed with me. i've never mentioned moving to someone and had them say "oh, i love moving!" i think if i had, i would have shot them.

really though, i think when all is said and done, i'll have gotten all my personal belongings (not including furniture, of course) into a total of about 15 boxes. so far, i've gotten 8 of them packed up and moved. thursday will be the big day though. we'll be renting the u-haul and lugging all that furniture down two flights of stairs (three if you count the 10 front porch steps) then back up one or two flights of stairs. i'm really dreading it. especially the couch, which in the past has been the bane of my existence. but we've already chopped the legs off of it, so hopefully that'll make it easier this time around.

not much else to say. at this point, moving is my life.

(does the word "moving" look weird to anyone else… maybe it's my disheveled state of mind, but for some reason after i finished writing this, it just didn't look like it was spelled correctly. that is just one of the strangest feelings in the world, when a simple word that you know you're spelling correctly just doesn't feel right… bah.)

OH, and, since i didn't get to post about him "behind his back" this weekend (since our server was apparently down again…), a hearty welcome home to brian. hopefully his several days without a net connection haven't scarred him for life…

in some shady attempt to promote the illusion that i've updated twice in as many days, i'm posting the following extract from a conversation that i had on AIM with a coworker. i'd like to think that it's both an interesting and informative discussion about free software. this conversation is released under the GFDL.

BenCo**us (11:23:13 AM): Blogger is fucked up. you can't just download the source. it's strange.
BenCo**us (11:23:23 AM): i don't trust it!
MrCoffeemonk (11:23:42 AM): oh, its proprietary. it's one guy trying to make money… not open source…
BenCo**us (11:24:02 AM): well, it is "free"… free as in beer. not as in speech
MrCoffeemonk (11:24:57 AM): wow, i'm not sure exactly how to interpret that statement…
BenCo**us (11:26:00 AM): that's the quintessential "free software" statement. Software can be "Free as In Beer" meaning it doesn't cost you anything to get the software, but "Free as In Speech" means you are allowed to get the code, and use it as you wish, as long as you note who originally said it. (or wrote it)
BenCo**us (11:26:26 AM): for instance, Blogger is "Free as In Beer", but since you don't get the source, it isn't "Free as In Speech"
BenCo**us (11:26:38 AM): it's a little confusing at first. it took me a while.
MrCoffeemonk (11:27:19 AM): ah… i think i'm at least partially getting it… the only thing that's tripping me up is the "as in beer" part, seeing as most beer, unfortunately, isn't free.
BenCo**us (11:27:27 AM): yeah.
MrCoffeemonk (11:27:31 AM): oh, what a world we'd live in if beer were free.
BenCo**us (11:27:32 AM): it's strange.
BenCo**us (11:28:23 AM): http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/free-sw.html
BenCo**us (11:28:29 AM): the first line sums it up.
BenCo**us (11:28:44 AM): Free Software means liberty, not price
MrCoffeemonk (11:30:00 AM): ahha.
BenCo**us (11:30:15 AM): for instance, Microsoft gives away their source to certain vendors. It is "Free Beer", because you can't modify, redistribute, etc, etc. it. It's like "Source Under Glass"
MrCoffeemonk (11:30:44 AM): oh. yeah. now i'm getting it…
MrCoffeemonk (11:31:11 AM): that's actually a really good erm… analogy.
BenCo**us (11:32:21 AM): meanwhile, Microsoft has termed that "Shared Source". And if by "Shared" you mean "Viewable", then yes. It's almost like saying, "Oh, I'll share my pudding cup with you, friend" and then waving in front of your friend's face, so they can smell, see, pray HEAR the pudding, but they can't eat it.
MrCoffeemonk (11:34:31 AM): right. pudding withholding bastards.
BenCo**us (11:34:35 AM): hehe
MrCoffeemonk (11:34:58 AM): not that, really, i'd even WANT to have software based on Microsoft code, mind you.
BenCo**us (11:35:15 AM): well, it'd be nice to see. i guess.
MrCoffeemonk (11:35:51 AM): i would rather have the freedom to destroy all copies and traces of microsoft code in existence, since they'll only end up confusing the coders who have genuine skill and ability.
BenCo**us (11:36:19 AM): i think a big concern of theirs is security holes. Like, for instance, i'm working on a content management system called Kludge-o. I'm a little worried that when i release this thing into the wild, any old body could find a security hole. but then that fear will make me design a more secure application.
MrCoffeemonk (11:37:02 AM): it's a valid concern. there are more "hackers" out there, just looking for something to do, and some way to "prove" themselves.
MrCoffeemonk (11:37:35 AM): but yeah, the awareness of that will help you watch for potential holes.
BenCo**us (11:37:49 AM): true. i think that there were actually more security notices regarding Linux last year than NT, but that's because the Linux code is open.
BenCo**us (11:38:09 AM): and the Linux holes have been fixed. NT's unknown holes haven't
MrCoffeemonk (11:38:59 AM): i imagine it must be difficult tracking those things though. i've often wondered just how crazy it must be to have thousands of people working on the same piece of software.
BenCo**us (11:39:18 AM): well, "thousands" is a little exaggerated.
BenCo**us (11:39:48 AM): while there may be thousands of contributors, there is usually a limited number of people who determine what goes in, what stays out.
MrCoffeemonk (11:40:19 AM): did you ever, in elementary school, do the thing where the teacher gave you a photocopy of a drawing that was overlaid with a grid, and a sheet of paper, and told you to reproduce on your paper the image that was inside one square of that grid?
BenCo**us (11:40:45 AM): Linus Torvalds is the BDFL (Benevolent Dictator for Life) for the Linux kernel, and he ultimately decides.
MrCoffeemonk (11:40:46 AM): then, when all the individual pieces of paper were taped to the wall, they never quite matched up…?
BenCo**us (11:41:02 AM): uh. yeah
BenCo**us (11:41:08 AM): i think we did do that.
BenCo**us (11:41:26 AM): or a version
MrCoffeemonk (11:41:36 AM): it reminds me of the "open source" method of software development in a way… or at least my perception of it.
BenCo**us (11:41:47 AM): yeah. you could think of it that way
MrCoffeemonk (11:41:53 AM): there are going to be places where the image doesn't quite match up.
BenCo**us (11:42:05 AM): true, but the outcome of that code is what matters.
BenCo**us (11:42:26 AM): the overall effect of the picture, from a distance, is the same.
MrCoffeemonk (11:42:45 AM): true. and if you have a controlling body, then they can go over the drawing in the places where it doesn't quite match up, and make it match better.
MrCoffeemonk (11:42:59 AM): plug the holes, so to speak.
BenCo**us (11:43:46 AM): an interesting piece of reading is Eric S. Raymond's "The Cathedral and the Bazaar", it explains it nicely. in the "Bazaar" there are many contributors, and the folks in the cathedral choose what they want from the bazaar, and make product from those selections.
MrCoffeemonk (11:45:02 AM): the cathedral, therefore would be either the Linux distributors, or the individual end users… i'm assuming.
MrCoffeemonk (11:47:11 AM): admittedly i've never really attempted to install or use linux, so my view from the outside sees it as being this potentially very confusing thing. so many different versions of things that do the same thing… how do you pick the pieces you want or need, how do you pick the best apples for your apple pie?
BenCo**us (11:49:34 AM): well, that is what the distributor is for. Red Hat chooses the applications which are bundled with their distro. often, they will bundle more than one application that does the same thing
BenCo**us (11:49:59 AM): like mail transfer agents. there is Qmail, Postfix, Sendmail, etc, etc.
BenCo**us (11:50:31 AM): it can be a little confusing, but i think that it is more natural. Exchange Server shouldn't be your ONLY choice. Survival of the fittest.

wow. a whole year. yep, as brian pointed out, and as the more observant of you might have already noticed (yesterday), bipolar is now officially a year old. and i think i'll take a cue from brian on this one, and talk briefly about how the year has played itself out. i already did the self-referential link scavenger hunt back in january, so if you want links the easy way, go check that out.

how have things changed for me since my first entry on bipolar?

well, i guess the biggest thing would have to be my employment situation. when bipolar accepted its first visitor, i was unemployed and had been for a few months. i would have to say that was a pretty down time for me, emotionally, but i did enjoy the fact that i didn't have to do anything at all during the day if i didn't want to. i got a crappy job at Kinko's, because it was easy to get and i needed money pretty desperately. a month after getting that job, during the week i was in the training class, i got the job offer for my current job at corvus. so now, a year later i'm still happily employed, doing what i love to do and making decent money doing it. my professional life has never been better.

i'm just now (next week) preparing to move out of the apartment i've lived in for over two years, to go share an apartment with paul and current roommate brax. the three of us have lived together (well, obviously brax and i have) before on several different occasions, and we get along famously, so i'm really looking forward to the move. not to mention the fact that i'll finally (after over a year) have my own room again. when i first moved into my current apartment, i was living with my then-girlfriend–the often-mentioned, evil her. of course, i was completely in love with her, and everything was fine for a few months until she did her heart-stomping and friendship/fishhook thing on me. after she finally moved out, i had our room to myself for a few months until brax moved in (the first time). since brax couldn't share a room with Jess (since she's, y'know, a girl) he and i took the upstairs bedroom and shared that for a few months until his girlfriend got her meathooks back into him and dragged him back out into an apartment with her. then i had the whole upstairs to myself for… about a month, until brian's roommate situation fell through and he needed a place to stay "until he got on his feet and got his own place." a year later brian's still here, still sleeping on my couch. soon enough, though, he'll have the room to himself, and i'll have my own room to myself. as brian said, he thinks i'm the only person he could have shared such close quarters with for so long. i'd have to agree with him. i think i'm the only person on the planet who could live with him this long without going to the pawn shop to buy a gun, or checking myself into a mental institution.

i wrote my first post something like three months after the breakup of a very brief but intense relationship, and thankfully, by the time we started bipolar i'd pretty much gotten over it. so, i haven't yet had the pleasure of writing any serious relationship posts, since i've not had the pleasure of being involved in any relationships for the past year. i like to think that i'm just being picky and waiting for the right girl to come along, but i suppose i'm really just fucking shy as hell.

i'm probably about 20 pounds heavier than i was a year ago, but i've recently started trying to work out on a semi-regular basis to try and get back down to a more ideal weight. most of my friends say they can't or can only barely tell. of course, they're my friends, what else are they gonna say?

so, with all that's happened, it's been an interesting year. it's strange to realize that i have a record of quite a bit of that time. i've attempted to keep diaries in the past, but never been very successful (thus, my seeming inability to post on a daily basis). you are all witness to my longest running continuous diary. don't you feel special.

well, here's to another year and all the fun and excitement that it might bring. for those of you who've been here since early on, i hope you've enjoyed participating in our lives, and to you newcomers, thanks for reading… stick with us, the party's just begun.

well, it's been a crazy week so far. things at work have been hectic and chaotic. lots of stuff to do around here, and at times it seems like a lot of it is sliding my way. not that i think i'm the only one doing any work, but it just feels like i have a lot on my plate. combine that with the fact that, once again, i don't seem to be getting enough sleep, and you can understand how frazzled i feel i'm getting.

but, i did get the themes thing finished in a record 3 days, so i feel pretty good about that. also, i've added two (sort-of) new themes, so if you haven't been to the themes page in a couple days, check it out. the low tech theme is just what it says (if you discount all the scripting going on in the background, that is). i've also added a "random" theme, so you can set that and get a different design each time you visit.

wow, all this stuff is coming out a little flat sounding to me… i've been fighting off sleep all day at work… ugh. i'm supposed to be going running with paul tonight, but i think i'm going to just go home and rest. maybe read a little. maybe just sleep.

ah. i did something very high-schoolish a few days ago. i went to talk to the secretary at work, to sign a get well card for one of my co-workers, and while i was there, asked her what she knew about jenny (the girl i have a crush on). it was funny how her (the secretary's) eyes lit up and she had this big grin on her face. well, turns out she does have a boyfriend, but the secretary isn't sure how serious they are. her advice: "give it a few weeks." i'm still not sure what to think about this whole thing. i mean, should i even bother?

but this kind of ties into some of these conversations i've been having lately. women are asking me, "why aren't you dating anybody?" "you're a handsome guy, you should have a girlfriend." and of course, then i have to tell them about how picky i am, and how shy i am, and how really, at this point (due to the fact that i've put on a few pounds in the last year or so) i'm just not comfortable enough with how my body looks, to actually go up and seriously talk to someone i'd like to date. that's part of the reason for this big exercise kick i've been on (ie. i'm actually exercising for the first time in years), i have to get comfortable with myself, before i can expect anyone to be comfortable with me.

ok. but no exercising tonight. tonight is rest night, tonight is early bedtime night.

themes

or something.

so, as you might have been reading, here and on the a-go-go it's been an interesting, pleasantly eventful weekend. where do i start? perhaps i should just summarize.

  friday: birthday dinner with brian and co. seeing as we were eating in an italian restaurant, i came to the realization that it would be really cool to be a mafia boss. someone pointed out that mafia boss's wives are almost always ugly, mean, and/or flamboyant nouveau riche hags. yet another point was made that mafia bosses quite often have a plethora of pretty young mistresses interested only in your money and power. and y'know, sometimes, that sounds like it would be really nice. and, in a flamboyant move of my own that played into the whole mafia boss feeling i was having, i bought dinner for everyone. yes, i am flaunting that, but keep in mind i also have only $30 left to my name until payday.
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit on some changes to bipolar. (oh, i'm not going to spoil it yet. you've gotta read on.)

  saturday: slept until 3pm. had lunch with brian. brax & i went to meet paul so they could get some dinner, then we hung out at the house for the majority of the night (later to be joined by my friend nicole), playing zombies ate my neighbors, watching saturday night live, drinking (me – beam & pepsi, brax & paul – beer), then heading to the twig later for some of the oft-mentioned "louisville paul brown" (a.k.a. ky hot brown).
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit more on some changes to bipolar. (ah… not yet.)

  sunday: as brian mentioned i was still up (working on those changes) when he went to work around 8:30am. i decided that since the sun was up, it would probably be a good idea to get some sleep. got back up at 2:00pm or so, lounged around the house in my bathrobe, sat out on the back porch and smoked, and… worked quite a bit on those changes to bipolar. indeed, with the exception of an hour and a half trying to sort my way through a convoluted thread about Amiga on slashdot, i spent almost the entire day until 3:30a.m. working on those damned changes.

and let me guess… you didn't even notice did you?

it is possible that the more observant of you will have noticed the addition of a couple links to that dropdown links box up there at the top… way down there at the bottom. see that? well, "webcam" you may already be familiar with, but that "themes" link… that's it. that's what i've spent the past unholy amount of time working on. so click it already.

or finish reading first, whatever. anyway, it's something that i mentioned a while ago–the ability to choose your favorite bipolar design, rather than having our whims and fancies foisted upon you. overall, i'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out and how it works. the only exception to this is the fact that for some reason, i can't get netscape to set the damn cookie. so those of you who are holding out, keeping the faith against the evil corporation, well, you gotta do it the hard way for now. (it's all explained somewhat on the themes page). but, if any of you are PHP gurus, please please please if you know anything about why netscape is being a bitch about setting cookies, please let me know. you have no idea how much i HATE having to say that a microsoft product actually does something better.

well, there's a bunch of other stuff i could write about, like all the great conversations i've had this past week, with co-workers and friends and what-have-you. but i've wasted enough "computrons" (as a co-worker likes to say) as it is, and you need to go have fun playing with the new themes (and breaking them and telling me about it). oh, and at the moment, it's not real obvious about how to get back to the main bipolar page, so just move that mouse up to the upper left corner of the page after you choose your swanky new bipolar theme.

peace.

well, after a thankfully brief, but very absurd struggle with some javascript code, i've finished adding the dotcomments scripts to bipolar. so, now you can tell us what you think without having to deal with all that messy email or aim stuff. just click on the word comments at the bottom of each post, and gab away. also, for those of you who've been with us for a while, the scripts have been applied retroactively (thanks to the magic of blogger), so you can go back through the archives and comment on your favorite posts from the past.

and thus, bipolar becomes less like a podium, and more like a circle jerk… er… community.

interact and enjoy.

gah. i am such a putz. i have no game whatsoever. none.

the girl here at work that i've got a crush on was out having a cigarette break when me and my buddies were out there, and when she left she left her lighter and smokes where she was sitting. my group manager picked 'em up and brought 'em to me. stuck 'em in my pocket and basically told me that it was up to me to return them to her. he said that she "left them on purpose."

so, what do i do when i find her, i walk up to her with the cigarettes held in front of me like a shield. her response, "oh, did i leave those? i guess i was in a hurry to get out of here." i think i paused for a half-second after she said "thank you," and i'd said "you're welcome." then i turned around and walked back up the stairs. so much for that opportunity.

guess i'll have to locate those balls i seem to have misplaced. i know they're around here somewhere.

meanwhile, thousands of miles away from the hall of justice, our hero's gentle chiding seems to have paid off. the lovely sharon has posted not once, but twice. and, she's also gotten a comments feature set up as well. s'funny cause just the other night, brian was telling me "hey, we should try to put dotcomments or blogvoices or something on our site" (which, of course, doesn't mean we at all, but me). well, it's an interesting idea, perhaps i'll get to it when i have a spare moment.

oh, and my sister has officially laid claim to all my "cool" stuff in the event of my death. hate to tell ya sis, but i don't think paul's going to be able to kill me with a little weekly run. now, if he tried to make me run for two hours straight, then yeah, we might have a problem. but i think i'm doing pretty well, considering i haven't exercised on any kind of regular basis since like '92.

well, another day goes by without revealing myself to my crush. of course, my manager also revealed some information he'd dug up unbeknownst to me, but on my behalf. she apparently "has a boyfriend," but would "be interested" to hear that i'm interested in her. what exactly the hell all this means, i don't know. the big question would be, do i have a shot, or not. why the hell would i even approach a girl who has a boyfriend? do i want another female friend? no, not necessarily. i'm quite happy with the friends i have, and they're hard enough to manage (that's in a good way, guys). i don't need another. i'm definitely looking for more than a friend.

ah well, i'll work up the courage eventually. i hope.

one thing i neglected to mention last night was that, as i was sitting on the couch enjoying a hearty salad and flipping channels on the TV, i came across a program where pretty much every word out of all of the participants mouths was a giant load of crap.

I am always flabbergasted by the hoops that the so-called "believers in god" jump through to disprove scientific findings with their own half-baked and glossed-over "scientific" findings. i was able, at the age of 10, to incorporate both my religion and the science i was learning, and nothing i have learned since then has shaken or challenged that combination. yet these people are so closed minded that they can't see the contradictions in their own logic while they're attempting to refute the contradictions in other's. they take what they've been taught, and when that is challenged, they hold on to it for dear life, in fear that if it's taken away, all these teachings they've built their life around will simply cease to exist. they apparently have an overwhelming desire to place limits on the capability, imagination, and omniscience of the god whose limitlessness they're trying so hard to prove.

the existence of programs and establishments such as this one, are yet another symptom of the illness and desperation of our society. it's something i've been thinking about for a long time, but have yet to come up with a succinct explanation or terminology.

needless to say, there were several times during the course of this program where i laughed out loud and nearly choked to death on a piece of lettuce.