so now that i've been sitting here thinking about a five year loan all day, i've got my head spinning in all kinds of strange, non-money thoughts.

where will i be in five years? my car will then be nine years old. i can't really think of what i was doing five years ago. i think i was dating a girl that didn't treat me well. it was right before my big defining two year relationship, and it was generally a bad time. i lived in an apartment with some friends. it seemed like a good idea at the time, but turned out to be a disaster.

that's where i was. where will i be? i recently met a girl who has really changed my perspective on a lot of things in life. things were going beautifully, for a little while, but extenuating circumstances soon seemed to tackle the whole thing, mid-stride. it seems like an immense loss to me. things were great and now they're non-existent. she's concerned with salvaging a friendship. i'm still wondering where i went wrong.

i honestly liked the girl. a lot. she's moving. things are just a big mixed up bag of confusion, for me. i know she'll read this and say "what is he so confused about?" but i can't help it, really. this is the exact opposite direction than from where i thought this was headed.

so how do you follow up what you conceived as your dream girl? do you wait and see if she ever comes around? do you just give up and go back into the game and settle for less than what you know you really want? i can't really say, at this point. i know that i'm not a quitter. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, really.

and i'll be damned if i haven't been sucked into this real world marathon. i must be incredibly bored. it's the only answer.

yeah…that's the ticket…boredom…