on the way into work, this morning, i stopped at the coffee shop for my semi-regular mocha. it's nice to be able to walk in and they say "medium mocha, extra chocolate, no whip cream, right?" it's definitely a better way to start the day.

while i was waiting for my java, i saw a good friend walk in. i hadn't seen him in a while, so it was a pleasant surprise. i smiled. he looked at me and said "hey brian…you look like shit." it kinda struck me. not the usual way to start a conversation, i guess. but when i thought about it….i guess i do look like shit.
"i just got up, rob."
"that's no excuse. so did i."
"i guess i'm just not sleeping as well as i could be."
"are you stressed out? what's bothering you?"
this is the point of the conversation where i was starting to think that all i had wanted to do was get some coffee. i didn't want to have an in-depth conversation about stuff that is obviously causing me to be stressed out, especially when i'm on my way to work. to put it bluntly, i'm slightly ashamed of my loss of sleep over these particular issues, but it's just something i can't help. i definitely didn't want to make him feel like i was putting him off or ignoring his advice. so i tried to deflect the conversation…
"yeah…i'm a little stressed out. but i got a new car!"
"that's really not helping you sleep at night, is it?"
he's a wily bastard, that one. he was on to me before i started.

so i sucked it in, accepted his advice (and quite a bit of it, there was) and tried to maintain a pleasant conversation, despite instantly starting to feel bad about my lack of sleep. we talked about road trips (he recently went to new york and i'm headed to chicago tomorrow night) and rock music. he'll be at the big krazy fest, this weekend, and we made a tentative arrangement to go and see planet of the apes on friday night.

but the fact remains: aside from the night before last, i'm sleeping like shit. when i finally get to sleep at night, it's always a couple of hours too late. and then i keep waking up early in the morning and can't get back to sleep. i wake up from a half remembered dream about this or that and then i'll just keep thinking about everything that's running around in my head and can't get back to sleep. the worst is when you wake up 15-30 minutes before the alarm goes off. you're convinced, the whole time you're lying there, that that short amount of time would be the little scrap of sleep that would have left you bright eyed and bushy-tailed. completely rested. and then you just can't get back to sleep. completely maddening.

and it's always nice to have carrie to talk to in the mornings.

now the coffee's cold and i still feel unrested. it's gonna be a long day…