what's up with that vanity site of yours?
not a whole lot lately. i've been doing things in the "real world" lately, which means i haven't been updating it nearly as much as i used to. for those who haven't been properly introduced, kempa.com is basically a clearing house for both my obsession with pop culture (movies, rawk) and boring ramblings about my life. people should visit it, and send me interesting things.

vanity site? should we expect derek zoolander-esque photos of you "lookin' cool"?
nah brah. photogenic is the polar opposite of my middle name.

if you were a fruit, what kind would you be, and why?
i would be a nectarine, because they're fucking good.

are you saying you're a fruity bastard, then?
yes, sir. and how.

how long have you worked at barnes and noble, and have you ever had a customer piss on you?
i've worked there for three years. i've never had a customer piss on me, but have had a customer watch me piss, really obviously. i was using a urinal, and this dude was standing behind me and off to the side. i thought he was waiting for the urinal, because the only other available urinal was one of those kiddy urinals. so i finish, zip up, etc. and turn around, next stop: sink. the dude smiles at me, then turns and walks into a stall.

there are endless barnes & noble stories about the bathroom. for some reason, people come to b&n when their digestive systems are most volatile. i can not even begin to describe in writing some of the sights, sounds and smells i have experienced in the b&n washroom.

also, on more than one occasion, someone has shit on the floor and purposely tracked it through the store on their own feet.

who is your favorite movie director, and what is your favorite film that he's done?
this is a very hard question for me to answer so i copped out in supreme fashion and picked the top few in two categories: "artsy" and "not so artsy." these categories, and the movies i have classified within them are extremely subjective. the nominees are listed in no particular order:

artsy:
tim burton – edward scissorhands
p.t. anderson – magnolia
woody allen – sweet and lowdown
spike jonze – being john malkovich

not so artsy:
michael lehmann – heathers
james melkonian – the stoned age
tim burton – pee wee's big adventure

what are 3 things people don't necessarily know about adam kempa, but probably should (for their own safety)?
1. i am the biggest procrastinator in the world, especially when it comes to email. it is not uncommon for me to read an email, and then let it sit in my inbox for a month or two. i have no idea why i do this, it's not like i have anything better to do. at any rate, don't be offended if I take a year to email you back. it has nothing to do with you, it is because i am insane.

2. just because i write reasonably well does not mean i am a good communicator in person. many people will undoubtedly attest to this. also, when i say 'ha' on aim, i'm not being a sarcastic prick. people always think that.

3. i'm way, way dorkier than you already suspect. if dorkiness was measurable in the same manner as the age of a tree, cutting me open and counting my rings would take weeks. think of something dorky. got something? ok, chances are i know a lot about that something.

[adam posts semi-regularly at kempa.com. true to form, he took right around two weeks to reply to this particular "seven questions" via email. contrary to popular belief, adam has yet to appear on the real world, but assures me he would make out with that cute emo girl from this season…provided she wasn't already crying.]