what's up with that funny name of yours?
You know, I wrote a faq about all of this shit. my name is what it is, and as weird as it is, i'm a weirder person, probably. we all know how it goes. my dad was just too much of a pimp, and mom didn't feel like arguing for a simpler name.

do you know the difference between a donkey and a mule? if so…what is it?
i don't really know. but i like to hear the sound of my own voice, and the click of my own keys, so i'm gonna ramble incoherently to try to get to the bottom of it. they're both asses, first. secondly, neither one of them is as cool as a burro, and furthermore, one of them (the mule) is the symbol of one of our nation's political parties (the downtrodden worker's party), whereas the other (the donkey) is not.
besides, we all know a mule could kick a donkey's ass at tony hawk's pro skater.

which one of us is a jackass, then?
flip a coin. most of the time, it's you, simply because i don't hit on your girlfriend. then again, if i had some way to chat with her, i definitely would. so we'll call it even. variable. random. i'm the only jackash, though.

if you could talk george lucas into writing a character into the new star wars trilogy bearing your name, what kind of character would he be?
i want to be a red-shirt! oh, wait…wrong series. but if you think about it, ash aiwase sounds like the name of a jedi knight. i'd probably be an unemployed jedi knight that just hangs out with mace windu all day. i mean, life would be more interesting as a smuggler, or a crimelord, or a bounty hunter, but i'm a laid-back guy. i'd be content to wield the lightsaber around and teach young padawans how to use the force to get free meals, places of residence, and lots of alien sex.

what's the worst name someone ever called you and why?
marce, one of my friends, called me "homeslice." usage: "what up, homeslice?" this is probably one of the most hideous sounding phrases in the english language, which makes sense, because marce speaks some of the most hideous sounding english I've ever heard, and it's his native language. just say it outloud to yourself and think about how completely re-fucking-tarded it sounds. "homeslice." "homeslice."
and the sad thing is, marce just spends hours doing engineering homework and thinking of equally retarded things to call his friends. it's not quite ghetto-speak, and it's worse than pigeon english.

would you say your girlfriend was stupid for dating you? or smart? why?
hm. she's definitely smart for having sex with me. i can't imagine better choice for a young hot lady than me. those periods of time between sex, however, i'm quite unbearable, in my opinion. she's either stupid or patient, but i'm gonna go with the latter on that. overall smart. quite frankly, the great sex i can provide should easily outshine my shortcomings.

are you a public nosepicker or a private one?
hm. erin wasn't too far off the mark when she was answering this yesterday. i'm not really a public nosepicker, but i do consider the car semi-private, so in dire circumstances, you can see me digging behind the wheel of my integra. now if i'm in a place where i really need to impress people, even if it's a comfortable setting, it's a big nono on the nose.

[ash posts semi-regularly (as i may have mentioned) at the toast and tea blog. he has somehow finagled his way into getting interviewed twice and featured on bipolar two days in a row. ash is nothing, if not resourceful. his girlfriend also interviewed me for the previously mentioned blog. head over there. it's a hoot.]