well i'm back from the visit with the fam. to answer brian's hope that i enjoyed myself, i'll just have to say that my soul enjoyed the trip, my brain was a bit impartial, and my body is really really pissed off at me.

i've come to realize over the years that i have very very little in common with the majority of my family except genetics. this thanksgiving didn't make that whole thing any easier, since the majority of the extended family that showed up were the ones who don't normally come for the yearly Christmas festivities, so it's been years since i've seen most of these people for any extended period of time. i didn't even recognize one of my cousins. to top it all off, of course, i'm generally an anti-social person, not good in situations where i'm surrounded by lots of people. so i pretty much just went down to the basement as soon as i got there, and stayed there for the majority of the visit. so, while i think it was good for my soul to be surrounded by family and people who love me even though they don't know me, and it was good for my soul to be able to see my grandmother again and to crack jokes with her, i think my brain was fairly impartial about the whole affair, just kind of doing what it knows needs to be done, but not seeing any rational inherent benefit in it. maybe i'm still stuck in kid mode within the family unit… no kids, no wife, not even a girlfriend has ever been brought for a visit with me. so i sit downstairs with my 14 year old brother playing computer games, reading the week's comic books, never hanging out with the "adults" except when they call us to dinner…

ok. well. that line of reasoning is going to lead somewhere i don't want to go right now, with you. i think i can successfully avoid the "gorge of eternal peril" for a while yet. though i'm sure you armchair psychologists can name the tune i was singing in three notes.

as far as my body being really really pissed at me after this trip, well, on Friday, my dad, my little brother, a 2nd cousin, and i all went for a hike up a mountain—a 10 mile hike up a mountain. we're talking about a mountain where you look down from the edge of the trail (that's just looped back around) and you see the part of the trail you just came from 50 feet directly below you, not at some angle away from you, but directly freakin below you. and you've maybe gone 100 steps. ok, so we're not talking scaling the face of some cliff or anything, but this mother was steep. when you consider the fact that for almost the past two years, i've been sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, then coming home and sitting in front of the computer for a few more hours, basically never getting any form of exercising, and smoking until my lungs are ready to spontaneously combust… well, it was hellacious. luckily, i think my body adjusted after the first 30 mintues or so, and my breathing was heavy but steady. we made it to the top of the mountain and were treated with a wonderful view of the valley below, all the little farm-houses spread out, and the horizon as distant as any i've ever seen. we got some pictures of the view from the lookout point, hopefully they'll turn out decent and i'll throw 'em online here for you guys to check out.

our main purpose for the trek was a visit to hensley settlement where my dad told us they measured the corn harvest not in bushels per acre, but in gallons per acre. the settlement was peaceful and antiquated. my dad took great pleasure in pointing out where things were not quite as they should be "these fences would have been made from cherry" i believe was one comment he made. and my dad would know. when he grew up, things were still being done the old ways. he grew up in the mountains of virginia himself, away from most of the modern conveniences.

ah. well. i gotta run now, perhaps i'll finish this story later. needless to say, this was one time where my dad talked quite a bit. and by the time we got off the mountain, i was barely able to move well enough to drive us home. it was quite an experience, and one that i'm still paying for.

ok. so it was a moderately interesting weekend. er, well, saturday wasn't much to write home about, but sunday was a lot of fun. i got up (gasp!) early and ran out to the grocery to pick up a few things. then, after waiting about an hour and a half for the dishes to wash, i began preparing a breakfast (lunch, at this point, really) that would have made Shamu cry. oh, it was a bountiful feast… homemade venison sausage (thanks dad!), omelets with ham & cheese, crispy strips of bacon, and biscuits (thanks Pillsbury!). why do i think you will find this interesting? i dunno. but i was really proud of myself for pulling all of this off, and wanted to toot my own horn a bit. it's funny, i don't do it very often, but i really enjoy cooking. paul's dubbed me Iron Chef Kentucky for my skill on the grill (though i'm sure 90% of the grillmasters out there could put me to shame…), and i think everbody just enjoys watching me work the grill because i enjoy it so much. likewise with the breakfast thing. i had a blast getting everything together, and was thrilled that it all turned out so good (granted, i forgot the biscuits in the oven and they got a bit too brown and crispy on the outside…).

then, of course, last night me & the boys picked up a boxed thanksgiving dinner from K-Roger, heated that sucker up, and went to town. it was actually really damned good. of course, we were all expecting pre-cooked, piping hot from the box dinner, so the hour & a half we had to wait while the food was (re)cooking really stoked our appetites. now, of course, we've got probably 3 or 4 pounds of turkey meat in the fridge that we'll have to finish off in the next few days.

basically the past two days were the "days of gluttony" for us, but do you hear me complaining? hells no.

now, i'm getting ready to head to virginia tomorrow on an alteration of the traditional family thanksgiving. normally, my folks stay in their hometown and have a big breakfast social party thing they throw every year. then we usually have thanksgiving dinner there at home. this year, they've decided to go spend the week at my grandma's house. normally, we go to grandma's for christmas, so this year it'll be a bonus to get to visit her twice.

on to another topic… if you guys have been by today or yesterday during the day… you may or may not have noticed a slight difference up there where the pics of brian & i are… i made a neat little tweak to the site over the weekend that provides a webcam activity indicator of sorts. i've been wanting to implement this for a while now, and finally got around to it. basically, if one of the webcams is active, the picture changes color a bit, and the rollover tooltip changes to "webcam active!" it really was a little simple tweak with the help of php, but since i'm in a my-own-horn-tooting mood, i figured i'd tell ya about it. of course, since brian's home computer is kaput, his cam won't be on much until he gets a new one, and since i'm heading out of town, mine won't be on again until next week. not that anyone would really want to see my silly ass sitting and staring at a computer for 8 hours, looking bored. but it's there anyway.

well, happy thanksgiving, folks.

since i didn't have a whole hell of a lot to do today at work (besides research & study), i took a few moments to make a couple minor changes to bipolar:

1. i finally figured out why cookies weren't working on the themes page in Netscape 4.x browsers. so that's fixed now. you netscape 4 people can now go to the themes page and set your themes cookie to your heart's content.

2. i added a bunch of DVDs to my new wishlist today, and have replaced the old amazon wishlist in the bipolar link menus with this new one. so everybody out there that would just love to buy me some stuff, get on it. now i just gotta remember to send the link to my dad (ie. someone who'll actually buy me something off of it.)

that's it for now. nothing real exciting happening.

well, i took a couple days off work last week (thurs. and fri.) for a little post-birthday mini-vacation at the ol' homestead. had a nice visit with my parents, and managed to not do a damned thing for two days straight. never even got dressed. i happily wandered about the house in my ratty robe, watched a little (ok, a lot of) TV, helped my little bro get his computer back in working order, and also taught him some guitar exercises to help hone his skills. of course, this is not to say that my skills are anything to write home about at this point, but i have picked up a few things here & there. altogether it was a very nice, fairly mentally healthy visit… my parents and i didn't get into a single argument. of course, we didn't talk about any "controversial" subjects either, but that's beside the point.

we (that is, the band and i, that is, lucifigous prick) attempted on sunday to get a recording by just mic'ing the practice room using a single mic and jim's crappy tascam 4-track cassette recorder. needless to say, the setup was sub-optimal. right now, we're hoping to copy-cat Old Man (that would be our dear blog-departed paul's musical concern with family funny-man neil) and rent a multi-track digital recorder so we can… i was about to say "do our songs justice," but i hardly think that applies… i'll just say "get a decent recording," and leave it at that.

but, at the very least, we do seem to be happy with the songs we've got so far, and everyone we've played them in front of has enjoyed them (at least, they've told us that…). we're thinking it's time we got out there to strut our stuff a little bit. we're also very seriously considering duping out whatever eventual "good" recording we can hack together, with the intent of supplying our friends with copies, sending them off to a bazillion independent labels, and possibly sneaking them onto the racks at the local record stores. perhaps i'll upload some tracks here for your listening pleasure as well.

but enough self-promotion and acting like i'm some silly rock star.

i've been attempting to motivate myself today (having nada to do at work) with getting a new (non-amazon-specific) wishlist together for the upcoming holiday season, but i can't think of a damned thing that i want and that anyone would be willing to purchase for me. not only that, but i can't think of any damned online stores to go to to even find the stuff i might want. i'm drawing a total blank. i'm never good a this sort of thing. but, i have installed the wishcentral.com bookmarklet in my browser, so now, whenever i find something i want, i can just click a little button and add it to my wishlist… wherever i am. ooh! i just thought of something! TDK Mojo MP3-CD Player. there's one thing.

anybody got any suggestions? what cool cheap stuff do i need?

ah well.

the puffin's gone now, it was fun while it lasted. if you do as brian says and , perhaps we can convince him to at least keep the a-go-go going as a record review repository. the man's got a taste and a knack for music, and his reviews to date have always been enjoyable reading in themselves. anyway, sad to see paul hang up the blogging hat, but sacrifices must be made sometimes in the interest of things you're more… uh… interested in. yeah.

fortunately, immediately after he wrote his last post, and shortly before i read the damned thing, i spent 15 or 20 minutes getting his archives fixed up real nice so they're accessible again. so, (and since i'm the proprietor of coffeemonk.com) we'll probably keep puffin-a-go-go up as long as we can, so you can all continue to visit and seek its wisdom.

anyway, i've given my assurances to the concerned mr. hall that i have no intention of turning bipolar into an unbalanced "unipolar" (his words, folks… well, i added the "unbalanced" part). i won't lie. i may be sporadic as fuck, as i have been in the recent past, but i'll keep doing it until my stalkers finally corner me and chain me up in their basement (or, y'know, i really get sick of the whole thing).

boy. what the hell kind of post was that?

brax & i finally went to see mulholland drive last night. it's pretty much what you'd expect from david lynch, and then some. amazingly enough the movie flowed pretty damned well up until the last 15 – 20 minutes. after that, it was mind-fuck time.

i think for pretty much the next hour after we got out of the movie, about all i could say was "dude…."

needless to say, if you like lynch, go see it. now. leave work. tell your boss you left your child in the stove at home. anything. go see this movie.

if, on the other hand, you don't like lynch or don't think you like lynch, please go find the nearest electric utility company work crew with a tree branch shredder, walk calmly up to it, and stick your hand in as far as you can. if you arrive at the location in the proper mindset (namely, wondering what the fuck i'm talking about) and subject yourself to this carnage, you'll be a step closer to understanding and appreciating the truly unbalanced mind of david lynch.

as brian promised last night, here are my semi-official seven questions with the seven-questions master himself…

for a while there, it seemed that you were going through a phase where you couldn't date a girl that lived less than 300+ miles away… was this in any way related to your recurring alien abductions?

i did have a problem where i'd start whacking it and then i'd wake up in the bed of some 17 year-old girl, somewhere in new hampshire or some other similarly ludicrous place. whether this has to do with alien abductions, secret government experiments in sexuality and space/time travel, or my own uncontrollable libido, i can't tell you.

speaking of aliens, if H.R. Giger were to feature your penis in a painting, in what situation would you like your penis to be placed?

remember those paintings he did of deborah harry? well…my penis should be involved in just about any deborah harry painting.

or involved with deborah harry, period.

assume you are a powerful telepath like Professor X, what would be your first action upon realizing your powers?

realizing? like what would probably happen that would cause me to realize i have these amazing powers? or i already know?
and what is the first act i perpetrate upon another living mind after discovering that i'm a super mack daddy telepath?

you become aware of your powers, what is your first action upon another human mind?

i would instantly transmit thoughts to all the beautiful women on earth, making them forget to wear clothes. then i would mess with the minds of authority and make them believe that this is perfectly okay.

either that or i would convince rachael leigh cook to have sex with me.

all the time.

and, speaking of rachael leigh cook…
If you were a zit somewhere on Rachael Leigh Cook's body, where would you be, and what would you want her to do about you?

i would like to be a nice sized zit on one of miss cook's breasts. i would like her to show her zit off to various people, trying to convince them that she has, in fact, grown a third nipple.

if you were sent to prison and made someone's bitch, what would you want your name to be?

definitely "crotchrot" or "crotch killa." this would, hopefully, head off any future "bitchmakings." i would also spread word around that i bite and that i keep razor blades stuffed up my ass.

ok. it's bottom of the ninth, two runners on, your team is down by two runs, the batter's at 3 & 1, you're the pitcher. as you check the runners you happen to glance into your team's dugout, where you see the aformentioned miss cook and lucy liu naked and beckoning you to forfeit the game and take them right there on the benches… exactly how long does it take you to drop the ball?

to be honest, my balls would be doing the opposite of dropping, if you catch my meaning. it really wouldn't be a matter of measurable time. i would toss the ball into the stands to my number one fan, wave to the crowd and stalk into the dugout to get my rock on.

if you could give one piece of advice based on your life experiences to children living in a post-apocalyptic world, what would it be?

hmmm…

how about…

don't believe all that shit your friends say. they haven't proved the exact content of soylent green yet. so eat up before i sell your little mutant asses.

[j. brian "the brain" hall posts like a fiend over there on the left side of bipolar and is a constant thorn in my side–always saying things to me like "post, damn you!", or "when are you going to fucking post!?" oh, and then there's that whole transmission3000.com thing that he kind of does on the side…]

to finally conclude the bloomington story series here on bipolar, i invite you to join me on a trip back in time… imagine it's a mere four days ago, a saturday, and you've been having a great time so far all weekend. you're at a party, and since it is halloween there are many strange things happening. stay with me as we imagine that throughout this night, many beers have been consumed by these freakish apparitions who have in fact grown ever more freakish as the night progressed. now, imagine that one of these strange creatures is dressed as Space Ghost, while his companion is dressed as blossom the power puff girl… strange strange. late in the night, as you unsuspectingly enter a room, you are forced to witness this horrible scene…

for those of you who didn't scream at the sight of that, you have more resolve than i.

(sorry nate, couldn't resist throwing that little gem in there for the world to see!)

and please, forgive the strange, probably half-assed "b" horror movie/twilight zone feel of that first bit… it is halloween, after all.

in other news, i had to rush to the bookstore straight from work tonight in order to catch the inimitable Bruce Campbell at a speaking/signing event for his new book "If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a "B" Movie Actor." it was a pretty good event, though horribly crowded since they held it in the bardstown road Hawley-Cooke–a tiny little store unsuitable for such a well-known (well, well known for a self-proclaimed "b-list" actor) personality. Bruce started out with a brief chat, and threw out some one-liners and current-events jokes to liven up the crowd ( i have to assume). one thing's for certain, Bruce Campbell is a ham. 90% of his responses to questions were sarcastic half-answers, and he tended to interrupt the questioners often enough for me to take notice. he did stay up there for a good amount of time answering the questions, and was fairly witty the whole time.

after the Q&A session the line up for the autograph table was organized. being in the third group called (i think there were around 11 groups, total), it took us probably about an hour to an hour and a half to get up to the table. the autograph table was set up in a little cordoned off section of the store, and the fans were let into the section one at a time. there were actually chairs sitting to Bruce's right where you could (were expected to) sit as he signed your book(s). the lady who would walk you to the table asked you your name before you went up so she could tell Bruce so he could greet you by name. "very… fancy." (read that in a Sean Connery voice to get the intended effect.)

of course, since i used to work at Hawley-Cooke as their webmaster (their current site is NOT MY FAULT. i swear. i haven't had anything to do with it in over a year!!!), and i knew the name lady from my tenure there, she introduced me as "matthew the webmaster." boy did that spark some interesting conversation from old brucie, neh. "the webmaster, eh? master of the web?" … it's nice to see that even he in that high-pressure situation where you're talking to a few hundred different people in the space of a couple hours and are expected to be witty… was not. to bruce's credit though, he did know enough about the internet development world to infer the word "design," and to work it into the comment he wrote with his signature.

all in all, it was an enjoyable time. luckily, a friend we met there had a camera, and allowed us to use it to take pictures. perhaps when i get a copy i'll link it in (as i seem fond of doing lately… oh, if only i had my own digital camera…). and, joy of joys, the one night when it counted, our local UPN station decided to air the first UofL basketball exhibition game, and in so doing, to delay Enterprise by the length of the game. of course, if they ever do it again, i'll be pissed.