in the history books i will write: "2002 did not begin with a bang, but merely a whimper."

to top off one of my worst weeks ever, "the girl" decided to tell me "i don't think we should hang out anymore." she waited, of course, until after i went to rent a movie and after we cuddled and watched it. she waited all the way up to the point where i walked her down to her car and went to kiss her goodnight. then she sprang it on me.

"i don't think i'm what you're looking for."

what the fuck am i looking for? maybe i don't even know anymore.

as i sat there stunned from her announcement, she asked me "do you want to go to the bar?" i guess she just felt like she needed to fill that dead air up with something. who knows? all i know is that i have the most rotten luck on the face of the planet.

the snow we were promised is nothing more than freezing rain.

and i'm sick and tired.

of everything.

i'm finally starting to settle into that zone where i stop bitching about how cold it is. now that i realize it's not going to be warm any time soon, i guess i'm just getting used to it.

what i'm not getting used to is being unemployed. it's driving me insane. i thought i'd be able to take the rest of this week off, start the new year off with some relaxation, and just chill. i'm going crazy. every day that passes and i don't have a job is starting to freak me out, even though i still have another paycheck coming to me. way to fire me on new year's eve so i can't get the new year's day holiday pay, though. asshole.

on one hand i'd really like to have my job back, just to spite the ass that fired me. i think it would be funny to sit there and stare at him. on the other…i hated that job. i'm glad i got away from it. my biggest dilemma is figuring out whether i should just get an interim job (or two) just to make ends meet, knowing i have to go on tour in april, or…get a regular job and hope that i can get enough time away to hit the road. decisions, decisions.

since the new year has begun, i've started thinking about all kinds of new projects that i'm wanting to get myself into. matt and i have started discussing co-writing a screenplay. i'm really excited about it, and i think matt really wants to dust off those writing cogs for a serious go at this. we'll see how it turns out…

speaking of movies…royal tenenbaums finally came out here in louisville, last night. i plan on hitting the theater tonight to take it in. i'm sure i'll love it.

i finally won a free sprite last night. it was the first sprite purchased in 2002. sounds good to me.

maybe this year will bring me better luck, all around. hrm…better not to get such big ideas so early in the game…

ok. so, technically, i missed the deadline for the end of the year blowout post. we'll just have to make do.

the new year is already on us, and i can't help but feeling that i barely noticed the old one passing. if it weren't for the fact that i have to put my coat on just to go out and smoke, and that even inside the house, my fingers are always cold, i'd be hard pressed to believe you if you told me it was winter. top that off with the fact that the seasonal depression that seemed to have affected me every year for the past 6 or more never did really grab hold of me this year, and things are just that much more surreal.

the only really major event in my personal life this year was the move out of the casa de bipolar, and into a newly christened casa de coffeemonk. one would think that such an event would have been enough to really drive home the concept of the passing of time, but the transition was so smooth and uneventful in itself, that i hardly noticed the change. of course, the unfortunate side-effect of the move has been the loss of hang-out time with my compadre brian over there to my left. on the positive side, i've been enjoying increased hang-out time with the old crew and getting to be closer friends with them all over again. and i've made some new friends that had formerly been (to me, anyway) outside of my normal circle, and welcomed them into the family.

on the romantic front, this past year has just been a continuation of the same barren wasteland of the year before. so, nothing to write about in that arena.

i hesitate to make any sort of new years resolution, not having ever made one before, but i believe that my life has reached a point where i will either have to make some drastic changes, or simply accept that there are some things over which i have no direct conscious control. i've let my writing slip for such a long time, that my typewriter and i are hardly on speaking terms anymore. i've been so remiss in maintaining my reading habits that the same 15 books that were sitting unread on my bookshelf at the beginning of the year are still there looking particularly unhappy. i've also become astoundingly lazy. but, my friends, changes… they are a'comin'.

already over the christmas break i read three books, so the reading muscles are once again getting primed to tackle those paperback copies of the Illiad and the Odyssey. I took my laptop to my grandmother's house over the break, and this time, i actually managed to turn it on, re-read some of the writings i'd been working on, and even to endeavor to add some lines to the story. the laziness thing will really be the tough nut, but i think i'm beginning to get sufficiently pissed off to the point that i'll soon be able to chastise myself into action.

so overall, the past year has been very very… blah–for the most part. but i have high hopes that this year will prove to be more fulfilling.

stay tuned.

just for shits and giggles, i think everyone should harrass the asswipe who fired me via aim.

that is all for now.

remember that i am a spiteful motherfucker.

right now i have a headache the size of texas. and it's not because it's new year's day. i drank one whole glass of champagne and half of one of those nastyass apple juices gone bad…woodchuck draft cider. fuck that garbage.

i got fired. great way to end the year. always with a bang, i tell ya. make the ending as good as the show. i thought i was gonna get stood up on my holiday plans with the girl, but she ended up proving me wrong. we went to connor's and then out to the bar for the ball drop. i got kissed at midnight. it was nice. then she took me home. we had a brief discussion and i felt like the timing was shady, but maybe that was just me being hyper-sensitive because i lost my fucking job.

i've been listening to the misfits all day.

i'm stressed beyond all belief.

but i got kissed at midnight, so why am i complaining?