it's nice to see that the pitchfork labs have perfected the "cooler than anyone" review. i'm glad that there's such a self-appointed bastion of good taste out there to protect me from the highest grossing movie currently in theaters.although…i still can't see, if you hate movies of this type so much, why you went to see it. were you just "taking one for the team?"

i'm glad that you were able to reduce the whole of over 30 years of comic book history to…a masturbation fantasy. let me tell ya, champ…it takes someone that's been whackin' his pud in his mom's basement for most of his life to come up with all of those scenarios. congratulations! all those awkward moments of adolesence paid off! you're a certified pitchfork jackass!

it's clear from your review that you couldn't care less about comic books as an artform. you would probably go so far as to call acclaimed authors neil gaiman, alan moore, and grant morrison "butt-humping turdburglars." yeah…you have such a wonderfully sex themed vocabulary. they don't teach you that in high school! "creative writing," indeed!

i tell you…you give whiny indie bitches a bad name. keep your day job, prick…if it's not too overly commercial for you.