hi. my name is brian. you might know me from the high speed data department. every now and then people from your department like to transfer me calls, just because you hear the word "internet" come out of the customer's mouth. when this happens, i like to ask you a few questions to assess the problem, so i can make sure you're not transferring me a call out of your own pure laziness. fine and dandy, right? we're all just covering our asses. lookin' out for #1 and all that. so when i ask you some questions, don't get flustered and act like you know what the fuck you're talking about. because you don't. you're a fucking idiot.

so here's a helpful little suggestion: don't tell me how to do my job and i won't tell you how to do yours.

bitch.