well, it was almost inevitable. yet another David vs. Goliath story, with David on the losing end.

Hawley-Cooke Booksellers, that local bastion of independent business for 25 years, the annual Best of Louisville winner, and consistent home away from home for the literate elite, has finally bowed to the pressure of competition against national and multinational chain stores. the sale of Hawley-Cooke to Borders has a kind of circular and poetic logic to it, but that doesn't erase the sting and air of defeat.

i worked at Hawley-Cooke for a little over 2 years, and, despite the lousy pay (at least, 'til i landed the "webmaster" position, for a time), it was one of the best jobs i ever had, and the employees were some of the best people i've ever had the pleasure of working with. in fact, if i hadn't been fired from that job, i'd probably still be there ('cause i'm not entirely sure i could've made myself quit, even in my own best interest, and despite the ire i felt for one of the owners).

the plight of the locally owned business has always been one of those personal soapbox topics for me, and if you get me started, i'll rail for hours against the Wal-Marts, McDonalds, Barnes & Nobles, and Starbucks of the world.

i will accede that there are certain benefits the national chain stores can bring to the table–lower prices, better selection, and potentially better quality (except, of course, in the case of McDonalds who'd put cat shit in a bun and call it a "new taste sensation!"). but the only thing the national chains can't guarantee, and in most cases are not likely to provide, is the level of service and "human element" that the locally-owned business must provide as a matter of survival.

as a locally-owned business, it is imperative that you provide uncompromising service with a human touch, so that your customers will pick your business over the other options. a relationship must be established that will make the customer want to support you despite the convenience or lower prices they might find with a competitor. this is something Hawley-Cooke managed to do for many years, excepting, of course, the occasional lapse, oversight, or grumpy employee. obviously however, sometimes even this isn't enough. and really, there is no other way for a local business to compete against a national chain, and as it's been proven time and again, the people of this nation will over time almost inevitably choose the plastic apple over the slightly bruised–but real–one. hell, even i've gone into Barnes & Noble more than Hawley-Cooke in the past two years, because it's closer to where i work. it's a difficult trap to avoid, and the sinister aspects are well-hidden behind the wood paneling and fancy signage.

there is still at least one "major" (if you count 2 smallish locations as major) independent bookseller in this town, so, the next time you're in a literary mood, seek out the nearest Carmichael's Bookstore and support local business. i can almost guarantee that if they don't have what you're looking for in stock, they can order it for you.

thanks to ben for gently breaking this news to my non-media-consuming ass in the first place, and for the ready-to-steal link to the news article.

Popularity: 5% [?]

well well well. can anyone here say "old habits die hard"? i sure can.

the biggest news since the last "real newsworthy" post is that sharon finally got herself hitched up. the ever-lovely sara and i went down to Princeton for another visit with my family and to go to the wedding. the visit with the family was very nice and laid back, as all good visits to family should be.

saturday evening was the wedding, and sara & i drove down to LBL, specifically Patti's 1880's Settlement, where the ceremony was to take place.

I'd never been to Patti's before, but heard about it quite a bit growing up (though even then the references were vague, as everyone pretty much assumed i'd know what they were talking about… it's the way of things in a rural community.) As you might imagine, Patti's is an approximation of a (significantly romanticized) old-time settlement… bunch of log cabins, flowers growing everywhere, streams flowing, waterfalls falling; pigs, chickens, and turkeys (all in pens, of course); and lots and lots of "antique" crafts and similar merchandise.

the ceremony itself took place in a large gazebo in the center of the "settlement", very elaborately decorated, very beautiful. unfortunately for some, the gazebo was not quite large enough for the assembled guests. i suppose though, that this was probably just a good indicator of how well sharon was loved by the people of the town. sometimes i feel i'll be lucky to get more than 50 (family & friends) at my eventual betrothal.

of course, as some of us know, i'm a complete and total sap, so it should come as no surprise that a couple times during the ceremony i came very near tears. it was very touching, and considering the past, i think i could hardly be happier for anyone than i was for sharon. of course, the most difficult moment was when, while attempting to recite her vows, her voice broke and you could literally hear the weight of her emotions in her voice. that was nearly the end of me. thankfully, sara was there and she managed to hush me up without resorting to pinching, hitting, or dragging me out by my ear.

after the ceremony, we waited for a chance to personally greet & congratulate the bride & groom, and the look of surprise (and happiness) on sharon's face when she finally saw me standing there was very gratifying. it was a very happy moment, to see her again, and to get to introduce her and sara. unfortunately, there were many guests for them to greet still, so we made our way to the back and out. on the way out, we stopped to say hello to the parents, and i have to say… the look of utter surprise on sharon's mother's face was quite entertaining. not only had she not seen me in years, but i'm sure i'm one of, if not the last person she expected to see there that day.

as i said though, the ceremony was lovely, and i'm incredibly glad i got to be there.

afterwards, the reception was held at the KY Dam Village Convention Center. it was an enjoyable time, highlighted by: a 15 minute (or so) slide presentation of sharon and grant growing up and meeting each other; and some crazy dance performed by the groom himself. we had a great time, and managed to get a least a few pictures that i'll hopefully be able to get online here soon.

the rest of the weekend was a bit compressed, as we had to get back to Louisville early in the afternoon on Sunday to get my sister to the airport for her trip back to France. as always it was good to get to see my sister, and to finally get to spend more than just a day with her before she headed back. especially considering that this may've been my only chance to meet the nephew (or niece) before s/he's born. nevertheless, on a least a couple of occasions, the baby gave me a hearty kick of greeting, perhaps to thank me before-hand for all the spoiling it's going to get under my generous uncleship.

this is too long. more later.

Popularity: 4% [?]

well, it's been a week since my last post, and wouldn't ya know it, today is bipolar's third birthday!

there's been so much stuff going on since the last post, i'm not even going to try to fit it all into this one, instead, i'm going to attempt to make a real quick skim of the last year (i'm under time constraints right now) and attempt a recap of sorts.

of course, as with years past, i've been in somewhat of a posting slump, so the pickin's are probably kind of slim.

fortunately, after the whole movabletype thing, access to bipolar has increased by leaps and bounds–the archives are all still there, but now we've got category access as well. (and individual entry pages, which you'll get to if you go through the category indexes.)

anyway, without further ado, the year in review (abbreviated version):

1. Lucifigous Prick has our first show.
2. The Puffin returns.
3. My car continues to give me trouble
4. I went to Paris for my sister's wedding.
5. I started dating a wonderful girl though i wasn't prepared yet to talk about it outright (i just mentioned it in the first paragraph).
6. I bought a new car!
7. Found out i'm going to be an uncle.
8. Converted the site to MovableType.

and… there ya have it.

that's the quick and dirty version of the last year of my life. some things i'm sure i probably skipped over (either didn't blog about 'em, or didn't catch them as i skimmed through my old entries) , but i think those are the major events.

of course, the most major event has proven to be #5, and i can safely say that i am one of the happiest men in the world right now. And who said fate was a cruel master?

Popularity: 8% [?]

ok. now that paris is out of the way, i can get on with the real business at hand here on bipolar, which is–or rather, should be–interesting and regular posts about inane facts of my life. in honor of St. Patrick's day–which i may or may not have any real right to celebrate (the question of the Rasnake wick having been dipped in an irish well at some point in the past has never quite been answered to my satisfaction)–i give you my first post Paris posts post.

this weekend i had the extreme pleasure of getting to see several old friends again, people who i don't see nearly often enough though some of them only live 30 minutes away. on Friday, after a lovely evening attending a catholic fish fry with Sara and family, and after leaving her at home so she could rest up for the Rodes City Run, the first leg of the Louisville Triple Crown. after getting home, i had planned to just eat some dinner (one piece of fish between two slices of bread not being sufficient), watch some TNG episodes on DVD, then go to bed myself before 1 in the morning so i could get up early and awake enough to go meet Sara at the race and be there when she crossed the finish line.

well, as luck would have it, Kenny, Christanne, Shawn, and their friend… Rosanne, i think… decided to come over after the show they'd gone to was over. then we all went out to wicks so they could eat and we could all hang out, drink, and have a good time. this is exactly what we did, and amazingly enough, i was still able to get up in the morning and go down to the race (though i didn't get to see Sara before-hand, as an ungodly number of people were there). i did end up meeting up with ben who was there to support his wife, and we palled around town down to the finish line where we waited for them to appear. both Sara and Kelly finished the race in good time, and none the worse for wear. afterwards, we went out for a celebratory breakfast at the cracker barrel.

by the way, for those keeping track (all… none of you) this whole race-day thing involved me getting up by 7:15 on a Saturday. the fact that hell has not yet frozen over still somewhat surprises me.

anyway, and to continue, later that day after showers and relaxing, we met up with Ben & Kelly again at the St. Patty's day parade. ben took some pictures with his handy dandy digital camera, a few of which were of sara & me. Sara was very excited by the possibility that there would be things (candy, beads) thrown from the floats, and i had to explain to her that in pretty much every parade in my hometown, most of the floats were well stocked with (at least) candy. i can't remember a parade where candy was not thrown. (finally, something my hometown does better than a real city!)

during the parade, we met up with geoff and his lady-friend, and geoff offered up a little of his stash of irish whiskey with which to increase the potency of the celebration. needless to say, it did the trick. after the parade, we all retired to geoff's girlfriend's house (i hesitate to attempt spelling her name, as i know i'll get it wrong), where more irish whiskey (bushmills, for those interested in that sort of thing) was consumed and a pleasant time was had by all until stomachs started grumbling.

we decided to walk homeward, and stopped at the newly re-opened Wendy's for a bite of dinner. this Wendy's has been closed for over three months… you have no idea what a traumatic experience this has been for me, but it is finally over, thank goodness.

now, it is shortly after this point that the carousing and consuming that i'd been doing over the past 14 - 16 hours started to catch up with me. once we got home, my stomach was expressing its displeasure with me, so we lay down for a nap–sara, myself, and my stomach. at some point a bit later, neither of us is sure because we both were out like rocks, paul called to let us know where everyone was (we were planning on meeting up with my friends again and having another night of revelry to celebrate Christianne's 30th, but no plans had been established or expressed to me), so we got up and went to meet the gang at applebees.

after applebees, we adjourned to the crapfest that is Jillians where we played several video games that cost way too much money, and otherwise sat around, drank, and hung out. after soaking in the Jillian's atmosphere (such as it was) for long enough (too long) we decided to again adjourn to a more familiar, more lively, less expensive locale–the backdoor.
we got there, got some drinks, hung out, carried on, had some fun, and then it was time to go home. All-in-all, it was a very enjoyable day.

Sunday i slept 'til three. PM. as usual.

in other news, i'm going to be an uncle! yup, my loving sis is finally pregnant. in fact, here's a picture of my little niece or nephew:

this wasn't too much at once, was it? sorry, it was a very eventful weekend.

Popularity: 3% [?]

well, i've been back from France for about four days now, but i've been so busy trying to play catch-up in my "real" life and my "work" life that i've not had time to write a new post. i've finally gotten a moment to breathe tonight, though, so here we are.

France was awesome. i think i've said this like 200 times in the last four days. i loved it, thoroughly, but, i'm not going to get into it too much right now, because my ultimate plan is to transcribe my journal entries here for you guys to read/ignore.

i also took 11 rolls of film with me, and finished off every one of them. hopefully, i'll be getting the pictures back this weekend or early next week, and i'll work them up using my handy-dandy developed-for-lucifigousprick.com photo gallery scripts.

there's also a plan in the works to collaborate with jason (who i met in deauville) on a site just to commemorate my sister's wedding.

needless to say, when i was leaving Paris on the last day of my trip, the only thing that i could think of was that i didn't want to leave. i am so enamored with Paris that i want to get back there as soon as i can. hell, i've even entertained the possibility of moving there, which for me is a huge/strange thing. i also love louisville, and, until seeing Paris, i couldn't have imagined any place i'd rather live than here. but, with the slight scent of change on the winds the way it's been in the past few months, it seems that this thought of moving isn't as absurd as it would've seemed even a year ago. (i know i've just opened myself up to about 6 months of "so, when're you moving up here" from nathan, but that can't be helped.)

there's also this feeling in my life right now… that i'm on the verge of something, awaiting something. i can't quite pinpoint it, but the feeling is there… something is happening, or will happen. hopefully, it'll all be good, whatever it is. but it's put me in this state where i'm just thinking that i have *got* to get my shit together. maybe i'm just headed into one of my manic cycles, i dunno.

expect journal entries shortly. like, maybe as soon as tomorrow, if you're lucky.

Popularity: 3% [?]

well well. paul has finally delivered a piece of the puzzle that is my next poetry book. i had commissioned him… must have been two years ago… to write up a nice introduction to my second volume of poetry (since he'd had the honor of doing the cover for the first one). well, in a flash of inspiration today, he completed that task, and did a fine job. so, for multiple reasons, i'm going to let you guys be the first to read it!

there comes a time in the lives of most young adults when the pangs of emotional confusion run headlong into artistic cathartic bliss. the resulting carcass from this car wreck of a creative process lies there and begs us to stare. not that i'm equating the writings presented here as being that of roadkill stench nor am i making a statement about the writer's technique in developing his work. my point is simply this: angst + outlet = art (and believe me, art - outlet = angst). and sometimes this process happens violently and without warning.

paul steven brown
june 4, 2002

now i just need to get off my ass and finish pulling the book together. if anyone wants to contribute artwork, send me some samples and i'll send you some poetry to work from.

Popularity: 3% [?]

yep. it's winter.

on the bright side, we've got a christmas tree up, we finally went out and bought some lights for it along with some other assorted lights–chintzy things that hang in the windows–as well as some stockings… three big ones for paul, brax, and i, and some little ones (two for the kitties, some others for "family" members). so, the house is feeling a little bit more festive now, with blinking lights that aren't necessarily attached to a clock, pieces of entertainment equipment, or computers.

the one thing i do miss at this time of year is a fireplace. there's something about coming in from the cold (spring-like, to be more accurate) winter weather, and sitting by the fire with a mug of hot chocolate and a book. item number one on the list of things whatever house i might eventually buy must have…

sounds like brian and scott are getting settled into the ol' homestead. i really need to get over there and visit them… call me a bastard (… alright, that's enough…) but i just can't seem to find the time or motivation to get out of this house to go visit friends. just another manifestation of that inadequacy i've always had in the "maintaining friendships" department. luckily, most of my friends are very forgiving or just more active.

the last several days i've been doing little piddly things behind the scenes of ye olde bipolar here, most of which aren't apparent, but hopefully i'll make enough progress to let you know about at least one of them here soon.

apparently, i'm entering hibernation mode… i slept way way way too much this weekend. i've gotta start doing stuff, or i'm just gonna sleep my life away.

Popularity: 2% [?]

well i'm back from the visit with the fam. to answer brian's hope that i enjoyed myself, i'll just have to say that my soul enjoyed the trip, my brain was a bit impartial, and my body is really really pissed off at me.

i've come to realize over the years that i have very very little in common with the majority of my family except genetics. this thanksgiving didn't make that whole thing any easier, since the majority of the extended family that showed up were the ones who don't normally come for the yearly Christmas festivities, so it's been years since i've seen most of these people for any extended period of time. i didn't even recognize one of my cousins. to top it all off, of course, i'm generally an anti-social person, not good in situations where i'm surrounded by lots of people. so i pretty much just went down to the basement as soon as i got there, and stayed there for the majority of the visit. so, while i think it was good for my soul to be surrounded by family and people who love me even though they don't know me, and it was good for my soul to be able to see my grandmother again and to crack jokes with her, i think my brain was fairly impartial about the whole affair, just kind of doing what it knows needs to be done, but not seeing any rational inherent benefit in it. maybe i'm still stuck in kid mode within the family unit… no kids, no wife, not even a girlfriend has ever been brought for a visit with me. so i sit downstairs with my 14 year old brother playing computer games, reading the week's comic books, never hanging out with the "adults" except when they call us to dinner…

ok. well. that line of reasoning is going to lead somewhere i don't want to go right now, with you. i think i can successfully avoid the "gorge of eternal peril" for a while yet. though i'm sure you armchair psychologists can name the tune i was singing in three notes.

as far as my body being really really pissed at me after this trip, well, on Friday, my dad, my little brother, a 2nd cousin, and i all went for a hike up a mountain—a 10 mile hike up a mountain. we're talking about a mountain where you look down from the edge of the trail (that's just looped back around) and you see the part of the trail you just came from 50 feet directly below you, not at some angle away from you, but directly freakin below you. and you've maybe gone 100 steps. ok, so we're not talking scaling the face of some cliff or anything, but this mother was steep. when you consider the fact that for almost the past two years, i've been sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, then coming home and sitting in front of the computer for a few more hours, basically never getting any form of exercising, and smoking until my lungs are ready to spontaneously combust… well, it was hellacious. luckily, i think my body adjusted after the first 30 mintues or so, and my breathing was heavy but steady. we made it to the top of the mountain and were treated with a wonderful view of the valley below, all the little farm-houses spread out, and the horizon as distant as any i've ever seen. we got some pictures of the view from the lookout point, hopefully they'll turn out decent and i'll throw 'em online here for you guys to check out.

our main purpose for the trek was a visit to hensley settlement where my dad told us they measured the corn harvest not in bushels per acre, but in gallons per acre. the settlement was peaceful and antiquated. my dad took great pleasure in pointing out where things were not quite as they should be "these fences would have been made from cherry" i believe was one comment he made. and my dad would know. when he grew up, things were still being done the old ways. he grew up in the mountains of virginia himself, away from most of the modern conveniences.

ah. well. i gotta run now, perhaps i'll finish this story later. needless to say, this was one time where my dad talked quite a bit. and by the time we got off the mountain, i was barely able to move well enough to drive us home. it was quite an experience, and one that i'm still paying for.

Popularity: 3% [?]

it has occurred to me that my creativity is like an anemic little creature hidden away in the basement of my life. at least, that's the way it seems looking back on the past few years. it seems that it's just been feeding off of things from the past–not really growing or coming up with anything new.

i used to write scads of poems every day, i used to run around with a camera and take pictures of mundane objects or contrived still life settings. i used to read constantly. i used to make lots & lots of coffee and stay up all hours of the night talking with friends, writing, and listening to and playing music. i used to live to create new things or experience the creations of others.

now, i really miss that. now, i really want to find that part of me again.

the past few years i've been showing people old books of poetry, old short stories, old barely begun fragments of novels, old photographs, old paintings, and talking about how much i loved doing them and how much i still enjoy the creative process.

the most creativity i've expressed in this time has been here in this weblog or with the band i'm playing in. even these things, half the time, just feel like i'm going through the motions.

and, of course, the time of year doesn't help matters any. during the summer month's i'm always too hot, always just wanting to sit down and escape the heat and humidity. in the winter months i always get soulful and introspective, more often than not going beyond the point where those things are able to fuel the creative processes.

i keep thinking about it though, and i know that at some point it's going to be me, a notebook, a pack of cigarettes, and a cup of coffee. again. just like old times.

Popularity: 2% [?]

well, it's time for my bi-weekly post to what was once my daily obsession…

i've been so disconnected for a while… between a few months of hell at work (which are now thankfully starting to slow down and normalize) and the "free time" that seems to be slowly dwindling away from me through some unknown time vortex, i've barely been on my computer in a communicative, productive capacity at all in the last several weeks anyway.

of course, i spend 8 hours a day on the computer, and perhaps that's part of it… perhaps i'm finally starting to burn out on the whole computer thing. i really don't think that's the case, but i have to entertain it as at least a possibility.

really, though, after the events of Sept. 11th, the aftermath of that, and between buying DVDs, PS2 games, and not one, but two games for my PC, i've basically been doing the late 90's teenager thing of vegging in front of the boob tube or drooling in front of a 3D computer gamespace.

maybe i'm due… i never got into this stuff all that much in the past… was never much of a computer game player. of course, occasionally a couple days of my life would get sucked out by the PS1 at a time, but that was usually a rare every three or four months thing. it's just been happening a bit more often lately.

but yeah, so, we saw the series premier of Enterprise last wednesday, and it was pretty damn good. except that opening theme music which was utter crap. in fact, it was worse than that. the opening theme to Enterprise is so bad that i can't even conceive of the words to adequately describe level of disgust i feel for it.

and i bought the V mini-series DVD a weekend or so ago. it was just as good though even more cheesy than i remembered. the scene where the alien 2nd in command swallows the gerbil, or whatever it was, was just laughable.

and i've been having weird dreams lately. the first i remember was one i think i had the night i watched the first half of the V DVD, which apparently was my mind combining the World Trade Center attacks with the V story. we were up in a tall building some 200 stories up, and all of a sudden the building just leans over and falls to the ground. we're alive but scrambling to get out and to find people with our high-tech devices. we eventually make it to a house, but it's quickly taken over by what is apparently a human militia group and we're kicked out on our ass.

not sure what that all means, i guess it was just my subconscious trying to come to grips.

other dreams have come and gone, but this morning it was dreams about my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend (previously dubbed "idiot-jerk") who were being nice if not overtly friendly towards me. i'm guessing that this dream was trying to tell me to forgive "idiot-jerk" and get over it and on with my life or whatever, but i don't think i can do that. forgive him, i mean. i think i'd like to hold onto that for a little while longer.

otherwise, i've been happy and healthy (a little too healthy if my expanding waist-line is any indication…) and apparently never without something to do.

and now, it's time for me to get out of here a little early so the systems guys can rape my machine and infect it with the Visual Studio .NET virus. apparently, i'm going to have to learn to deal with even more Microsoft crap. bah. bill gates, i spit on thee.

Popularity: 3% [?]