I started out this past week doing pretty well, updated three times in two days… kinda fell off after that.

to follow up on my last post, the next day I was once again working a little late, and once again ran into the janitor in the bathroom before going home. this time he was rather more friendly, he actually spoke to me, and he seemed to be in better spirits. I wanted to tell him that I thought he was doing a great job, but I couldn't figure out how to say it. I guess even despite my last post, you just can't really tell these people that you appreciate them without sounding like a bastard. probably the best way to respect them and show your appreciation, I guess, is to just do your part to not make their job more difficult than it needs to be. clean up after yourself, don't smear shit on the walls, don't piss in the floor, don't pump the soap dispenser out all over the counter, don't put an entire roll of toilet paper IN the toilet.

I can't help but think that his improved attitude and friendliness towards me was some form of positive karmic feedback as a result of my contemplation of him, his position, and my presenting my ideas and trying to engender respect for him and his fellow "menial laborers" among the readers of this weblog.

in other news, the site we're working on at my new job has slipped by yet another "deadline," but we'll hopefully have it up this week (people are thinking it might go live tomorrow, but that hope is probably unfounded). If it goes live, I'll link it in here, so you guys can go check out the demos for a laugh or two.

since I hardly ever include a link, I'll just post this one here for your surfing pleasure. my apologies if I've posted it before.

I've just been struck by something… you know how it is when you're going through your day as you normally would, then for some reason, some normal event stands out and causes you to think about life, the world, existence, etc…

I'm getting ready to go home, shutting down my computer, washing out my coffee cup, and I see the janitor guy in the breakroom. I say hello, and get no response other than a general (not really thrilled) look. which makes me think about the necessity of those "unwanted" jobs in our society. now that I have a good job, one that I'm (so far) happy with, and in fact have been searching for for years, what about those people who don't have the jobs they want, what about the person I, at one point, was?

the thing is, our society, our world–as it is today–could not exist without these people doing these things. if all the janitors, bus drivers, stockers, delivery people, street cleaners, etc. just up and decided to quit, our whole society would fall apart at the seams. we have to have these people in place, unhappy or not, to maintain what we've built up. when I think about it, I know I would'nt be happy as a janitor, probably not anymore than our janitor is. I would be resentful of the well-paid staff of the company of which I would be a vital, but largely underappreciated and underpaid, part. I would be resentful of the people who work normal hours, not thinking once about me, or the mess I'll have to deal with when they leave for the night. the trash I have to pick up, the floors I have to vacuum, the toilets I have to scrub. I would be resentful, and unhappy.

I suppose there must be some people out there who enjoy janitorial type work, enjoy being able to do their job when the place is shut down and quiet, to be able to work pretty much at their own pace, taking breaks whenever they like, having time alone away from the family. in some ways, I guess it must be even desirable, but probably most people in those positions are not (necessarily) there by choice.

I'm not suggesting some great outpouring of our gratitude for these people, since I don't really know what we could do, if anything, that would make things better/easier/more enjoyable for them. I guess, I just want people to think about it, and understand that without these people doing these jobs, we wouldn't be able to do ours. and if one of these people is reading, well I guess I just hope you know that you are appreciated, you are respected, at least by me. I certainly couldn't do those jobs, but I am glad someone is willing.

stats pages can be quite interesting, as we've found out here at bipolar. our number one search string for the month, the one phrase that has lead more people to the site than any other is… "250lb women." go figure. i'm going to have to start working in slutty xxx phrases more often in my hot steamy discourses. funny thing is, I don't remember ever having written anything about 250lb women, nor do I remember my perverted friend brian (next door porn site just for you. have fun!

in other news, I had an interesting trip to Bloomington this past weekend, perhaps I'll tell you about it later.

not much to report the past couple days, been workin', my sixth and final week at Kinko's. on monday I start my new real job at Corvus. I'm going to be struggling the next few days to readjust my schedule from third shift to first shift… why can't life ever just be easy? why can't we just sleep when the hell we feel like it, wake up when we can't sleep another minute, do the things we need or want to do, and just be happy? if someone could tell me the secret to this, I'd be indebted to them for the rest of my peaceful, happy life.

to retouch on something from my last post, I have finally read a couple reviews of the x-men movie, and so far it's fifty-fifty (I've only read two–one good, one bad.) The reviewer for Entertainment Weakly–that snot rag of an entertainment magazine, which, ironically enough, put X-Men on their cover–spewed a mouthful of bullshit all over one of their pages. I often wonder if these movie reviewers even go watch the movies they're reviewing, but since he actually pointed out a few scenes that weren't in the trailers, he must have, or at least he talked to someone who had. It amazes me that this dumbfuck actually saw the same movie I did, but then I think about how reality is all perception based anyway, so in truth, he didn't see the same movie I did, he saw the movie his brain made him think he saw, and damn where the hell am I going with this?
      anyway, the guy has no clue.

now, the guy who reviewed the movie for the LEO (Louisville's Eccentric Observer, for you out of towners) obviously didn't have his head up his ass when he walked into the theater. at least he got it. he understood the message, the theme, the really great thing the movie was, as well as the little, but ultimately forgivable, problems. all in all, he gave it a fair, honest, thoughtful review.

EW guy, on the other hand, apparently walked in expecting some totally fanciful kids movie that he was going to hate, and was pissed off when the real-world issues made him think too hard.
      not to throw myself into too-heavily geek infested waters, but this is the same bullshit Star Trek gets on occasion, when people dis it because it actually tries to deal with important social issues. Admittedly, some of the acting on Star Trek isn't the greatest, and there have been some horrible episodes (of all the series), but Star Trek isn't about the actors, the characters, or the ships, it's about theme, emotion, hope, and all that other good shit that makes good literature good.
      which conversely, is what the X-Men movie is all about too. It isn't about the characters, the costumes, the funky powers; it's about the struggle of the outcast members of our human society trying to fit in and live normal lives, and not being able to do so because of prejudice, fear, and an unwillingness or inability to learn, understand, accept, and welcome differences.

and all this is very real, very now. perhaps EW guy looked into Magneto or the Senator's face and saw himself, prejudiced, afraid, ignorant, and got pissed because the movie called him out. or maybe he just didn't get it.

work sucks
life sucks
love sucks
humidity sucks
rising price of gas sucks
being totally broke sucks
starving sucks
waking up sucks
having to sleep sucks
being bored sucks
writer's block sucks
my web design skills suck
math sucks
having to excrete sucks
losing all hope sucks
pretending you're happy sucks
webloggers who don't update their weblogs often enough suck
i suck

(there's a nice happy one for ya.)

as promised, today's post will concern more of my thoughts from my recent trip to St. Louis.

driving through the farmland of Missouri and Illinois, I was struck by the beauty of the land and the green fields of new corn as they passed by at 70+ mph. since I rarely get the opportunity to be a passenger, I spent the majority of the trip back to Kentucky silently watching the scenery.

damn. my words are completely failing me at this point. I wanted to write about the fields and trees, and the beauty and profundity of it all, but it wasn't coming out right. sometimes, you just have to watch, listen, feel, and understand, but you can't say anything–you can't describe it. go out, drive, watch the land, and don't say a word.

ok. now, after my hours of communing with nature, developing the mother of all passenger's sunburns, and taking a short nap, Paul and I got off talking about all kinds of stuff. for hours we talked about cops, criminals, abuse of power, use of force, government corruption, capitalism, communism, socialism, marxism, and the political future of america. I think we started talking about unmarked police cars and ended up with america evolving into its necessary and inevitable socialist structure.
      then for some reason, we talked briefly about the weather, the probability that it's going to be a scorching summer with a possible drought, and I started feeling really xerophobic and basically fearing not only for my life but for the future of the entire human race.
      i saw this future where all the vegetation on the planet died off, the atmosphere filling with noxious fumes and the human race slowly dying out. Paul slowly talked me away from my fear by insisting that we humans are too crafty to allow our atmosphere to wither away. I only hope he's right.
      to top it all off, when we got home I phoned brian to tell him about the trip and to make sure x:13 was still in one piece, and one of the first things he tells me is that a large solar flare is heading for earth and will cause some "atmospheric disturbance." considering my terror from earlier in the day (which i still hadn't fully shaken despite Paul's reassurance), this was the last thing I wanted to hear. brian seemed a bit surprised when I made a comment about this solar flare burning off all our atmosphere and annihilating the human race.

fortunately (or not, depending on your point of view) we're still here, and still seem to have adequate oxygen for at least a few days of regular breathing. after that, we'll see.

in tomorrow's post, I'll briefly review the Fight Club DVD, and probably go off on something totally uninteresting

western kentucky is truly a remarkable place. the more things change the more they stay the same. you can read my bio on coffeemonk.com to see what I think of the place I hesitantly call home.

really though, my visit was nice. my parents, being from the mountains of Virginia, are easy going, down home folks (yes, I used the word "folks") who are SO normal it's almost scary. my 12 yr old brother, bless his heart, is the product of his environment, as I suppose we all are. he's going through the phase in his life (which I imagine only afflicts "southerners") where the word rebel and the confederate flag hold some special magic. it seems very disturbing to me now, but I recall going through something similar when I was his age, so I guess it will pass once he gets away from the amber waves and into "real life." I HOPE it will pass.

on my way out of town, i heard, for the first time since leaving Princeton, the word "nigger" used in a real conversation. now, my friends and I, far from being racist, are prone to making racial slurs in the name of humor, usually poking fun at people who would really think and speak that way.

don't get me wrong here. Racism is NOT funny–what is funny (in a sick, hopeless sort of way) is that there are people in this world who are ignorant enough to believe they are in some way superior to people with different color skin or different religious beliefs. I could go on on this subject for days, about the ills of the world and the sicknesses that infect our society, but I sincerely doubt anybody wants to read a weblog for that long.

i had a chat with my little brother, hoping to impart to him that thinking, speaking and acting like this was wrong. he is young, and being raised in that town where things like this are not only commonplace, but almost expected. it is one of the sad reasons I don't visit my parents much, and when I do, I usually stay cooped up in their house for the duration.

in other news, as brian pointed out in his log, over there Steal This Blog. brian wasn't sure if their mention of our site was favorable or not, but after reading it, I'd definitely say it was. thanks to Tom for noticing us. I guess I'm the "journal" and brian's the "weblog." so be it. I'm just glad someone was "amused." that's all I can ask.

i need your help: I'll admit it, I'm lazy. If anyone knows of a good place that can process online transactions cheaply (or for free) please . The three-toed sloth that is coffeemonk.com needs this capability. I'm almost finished putting a web-based version of my poetry book online, and would like to be able to sell some physical copies of it as well. oh, and if you're interested in art, literature, music, or film, go check out the site. there's not much on there right now, but we've got big plans.

damn, if any of you are still reading this long ass thing I've written here, thanks for sticking with me. time to hit the sack and hope I get a call in the morning telling me when I can start working. I need a job.

getting ready to go home for the weekend, visit my parents for the first time since christmas. since I've got a few days before I start my new job, and since I haven't visited them so far during my month and a half unemployment, I figure its about time.

it's nice to have cool parents… well I guess I can't really say cool, but understanding, helpful, and loving. it's nice to have parents that really care about you and really do what they can to help you achieve something, either by their encouragement, or by bailing you out with rent money when you're unemployed.

so many people don't have that, in fact, most of the people I know don't have that loving, stable family background. its really sad, but it has made them stronger people, more independent I suppose.

I guess as long as we learn how to take care of ourselves, and don't fall into the traps our parents set for us–whether they were good parents or bad parents–we'll turn out okay in the end. parental guidance helps a lot, but self-guidance is perhaps more important.

anyway, I'd intended this to be just a short little entry saying have a good weekend!