well, not much has been happening, i'd have to say. busy at work, busy at home. i finally managed to finish entering about 3 months worth of comics into OmniComics (that's about a 2 ft. high stack.) got them all entered, bagged & boarded, and now sorted into their appropriate boxes.

and wednesday night i cleaned my room. doesn't sound like much, but if you consider that i hadn't vacuumed the carpet since i moved in… over a year ago… you might understand why it's a "big deal."

of course, our cats are constantly in heat, rolling around, and shedding like crazy since it's summer, so my nice black sheets & comforter are already caked in cat hair. good thing i never have to worry about entertaining female guests. har.

today has been a bit on the depressing side… i took my car into the shop yesterday (saturday, today being sunday of course) expecting to have about $275 worth of work done. got a call earlier today from the place and they informed me of all the other things that are wrong with the car and how they "need" to be fixed immediately. so, now the total for the repairs will be closer to the $700 mark, and i've realized that i've made a huge mistake.

doesn't sound like much, but if you consider that i've had a pretty good run of luck most of my life (big decisions wise, anyway–never having made a "really bad" one, or at least not many)… you might realize why it's a "big deal."

i decided a while back (you all remember the ongoing "new car" debate, right? right?… anyone?) that i would not get a new car, would, in fact, fix my Tercel run it for another year until i can save up some scratch for a downpayment, and everything'll be hunky dory. i knew going into that decision that there was some work to be done… brake pads, axle replacement, possible engine trouble to overcome… well, now out of the gate i've spent yet another $800 on the damn car. (just spent $800 three months ago-ish getting the clutch replaced)… so now i'm $1500 additional dollars into the car since the beginning of the year. i realized today that this decision was a mistake, and thinking about the consequences of making this mistake has gotten me a bit depressed. i don't like making mistakes. little mistakes, maybe, but not life-impacting mistakes. i don't like it one bit.

couldn't get ahold of Jim tonight to get a ride to band-practice, and brax had errands to run and work to do Tuesday night, so we've effectively just missed a week of practice four weeks before our first show… bleh.

bleh. bleh. bleh.

time for bed.

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well, the puff and I took a little trip up to bloomington this weekend to visit (frequent commentator, and long-time best friend) nate, and had a grand ole time. friday night consisted of a lot of PlayStation playing and beam/beer drinking, and just general hanging out. on saturday, after lunch, we met up with a gaggle of nate's friends to go see the new Star Wars flick, at an almost-nice theater (much better than the should-be-condemned Showcase Cinema on Bardstown Road, which is where paul & I–regretfully–saw it the first time).

whether it was the better theater, or some other factor, i liked the movie much better the second time around. i was a bit dissapointed at first viewing… i didn't feel like it fulfilled my expectations from all of the great trailers they had for it. it was quite slow in places, and Lucas' writing has been getting more & more juvenile with each successive film. well, at the second viewing (much like my third viewing of Spider-Man), i was able to forgive some of those faults and just "enjoy" the movie. needless to say, it was, as brian said, 100% better than the crap-fest known as Episode I: The Phantom Pants-Mess. but, unfortunately, it also didn't entirely redeem that movie (in my mind) as i was hoping it would.

it was a bit funny though, coming out of the movie… pretty much all of nate's friends had largely negative reactions to the movie. it seemed a bit absurd, really.

(btw. Spider-Man is still the top dog. Star Wars only garnered $116.2 million in it's four-day weekend compared to $114.8 for Spidey's three-day total. boo-ya.)

anyway, despite the brush with negativity, we had a great day. went back to the house, watched some Batman: The Animated Series that nate had on DVD, hung out, played more playstation. We had an almost surreal experience later that evening at the local Waffle House (a not-Waffle-House Waffle House), with very strange conversation. I told nate & paul both that i'd mention the rather horrid puns being bandied about (courtesy of Paul). We were, of course, talking about the exquisitely gorgeous Natalie Portman, and paul, in response to our discussions about specific portions of her anatomy, decided to call them her "Naboobies." be mindful of the fact that i would never have written that down or repeated it, had it come from my own mouth.

after dinner, more PlayStation, more drinks, more discussion. woke up Sunday about noon-ish, grabbed some lunch, hung out some more, packed up all our crap, said goodbye to the dog, the cat, and the nate, and hit the road for home. we got back in plenty of time for paul to relax before the X-Files series finale came on, and before i had to go to band practice.

All-in-all, it was a great weekend, very relaxing except for sleeping on the floor (which wasn't as bad as it could've been since i went ahead and bought this huge fluffy comforter and a "vellux" blanket) and dreaming about sex with Denise Crosby (A.K.A. Tasha Yar from Trek: TNG). it was nice to get to hang out with nate, who we don't see often enough.

the final piece of wisdom from the weekend, was also from Paul (who may've been attempting to pre-redeem himself for the "Naboobies" comment he'd eventually make the next evening) who provided the title of this post.

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well, this past weekend was actually pretty fun altogether. friday was the usual getting off work and chilling out, then heading up to the backdoor for drinks and hanging out. nothing really crazy happened, but that's just as well as far as i'm concerned.

on saturday, me, the boys, and our friends pat, nicole, and neil, and brax's gf amanda all met up at ZA's for dinner. we hung out, chatted, laughed, and generally had a good time… and, of course, a good meal (except paul, who'd spoiled his appetite by eating about three hours prior… he just had a salad). after that, we all headed up to the rud to see quasi-local (ok, Richmond, KY) band South 75 and non-local band Gaza Strippers. Local band the Glasspack closed the show, but we didn't bother hanging around. all in all, it was a good show, with South 75 pumping out some good classic-rock sounding tunes and pointing at the ceiling a lot. Gaza Strippers came out and put on an exceptional show as usual, their frontman as dynamic and expressive as any you could ever wish for. the Gaza Strippers play unapologetic full-on rock-n-roll, with no fruity twists or hypnotically repetitious stoner-rock "grooves." if you were to ask for the Gaza Strippers at a bar, all you'd have to say is "rock-n-roll, neat." and there ya go.

sunday found me being rudely (… well, ok… politely… ) awakened by my car-less roommate two or three hours before i had any intention of getting up (i.e. around 11:30am) to give him a ride to work all the way across town. since i was already up and about, i figured i'd take the time to get some christmas shopping done, and y'know what i came back with… ? zilch, nothing, nada. at least as far as real presents are concerned… i ended up spending a veritable ass-load of money on silly little stocking stuffers and other little "token" gifts for various people. but… not a damn thing of real value gift-giving wise. am i just unimaginative, am i just looking in the wrong places, or has our culture become so… insubstantial… that no one is making things that i can look at and say… "now that! that would make a great gift!" unfortunately, even i'm leaning toward the "i'm unimaginative" side of that one.

well, hopefully, i'll get a brilliant flash of inspiration in about 5 days and will make a mad dash to all the stores that have just what i'm looking for. i hate, HATE living in the midst of this consumer culture of ours. giving i've got no problem with, it's the damned shopping i can't stand. shopping malls? havens of vanity and vapidity. strip malls? same thing, only with no shoes and more of a backwoodsman's gleam in the eye. mom & pop shops? … right.

damn them all and their little green strips of paper. i want my replicator and i want it now!

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it has occurred to me that my creativity is like an anemic little creature hidden away in the basement of my life. at least, that's the way it seems looking back on the past few years. it seems that it's just been feeding off of things from the past–not really growing or coming up with anything new.

i used to write scads of poems every day, i used to run around with a camera and take pictures of mundane objects or contrived still life settings. i used to read constantly. i used to make lots & lots of coffee and stay up all hours of the night talking with friends, writing, and listening to and playing music. i used to live to create new things or experience the creations of others.

now, i really miss that. now, i really want to find that part of me again.

the past few years i've been showing people old books of poetry, old short stories, old barely begun fragments of novels, old photographs, old paintings, and talking about how much i loved doing them and how much i still enjoy the creative process.

the most creativity i've expressed in this time has been here in this weblog or with the band i'm playing in. even these things, half the time, just feel like i'm going through the motions.

and, of course, the time of year doesn't help matters any. during the summer month's i'm always too hot, always just wanting to sit down and escape the heat and humidity. in the winter months i always get soulful and introspective, more often than not going beyond the point where those things are able to fuel the creative processes.

i keep thinking about it though, and i know that at some point it's going to be me, a notebook, a pack of cigarettes, and a cup of coffee. again. just like old times.

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well, it's time for my bi-weekly post to what was once my daily obsession…

i've been so disconnected for a while… between a few months of hell at work (which are now thankfully starting to slow down and normalize) and the "free time" that seems to be slowly dwindling away from me through some unknown time vortex, i've barely been on my computer in a communicative, productive capacity at all in the last several weeks anyway.

of course, i spend 8 hours a day on the computer, and perhaps that's part of it… perhaps i'm finally starting to burn out on the whole computer thing. i really don't think that's the case, but i have to entertain it as at least a possibility.

really, though, after the events of Sept. 11th, the aftermath of that, and between buying DVDs, PS2 games, and not one, but two games for my PC, i've basically been doing the late 90's teenager thing of vegging in front of the boob tube or drooling in front of a 3D computer gamespace.

maybe i'm due… i never got into this stuff all that much in the past… was never much of a computer game player. of course, occasionally a couple days of my life would get sucked out by the PS1 at a time, but that was usually a rare every three or four months thing. it's just been happening a bit more often lately.

but yeah, so, we saw the series premier of Enterprise last wednesday, and it was pretty damn good. except that opening theme music which was utter crap. in fact, it was worse than that. the opening theme to Enterprise is so bad that i can't even conceive of the words to adequately describe level of disgust i feel for it.

and i bought the V mini-series DVD a weekend or so ago. it was just as good though even more cheesy than i remembered. the scene where the alien 2nd in command swallows the gerbil, or whatever it was, was just laughable.

and i've been having weird dreams lately. the first i remember was one i think i had the night i watched the first half of the V DVD, which apparently was my mind combining the World Trade Center attacks with the V story. we were up in a tall building some 200 stories up, and all of a sudden the building just leans over and falls to the ground. we're alive but scrambling to get out and to find people with our high-tech devices. we eventually make it to a house, but it's quickly taken over by what is apparently a human militia group and we're kicked out on our ass.

not sure what that all means, i guess it was just my subconscious trying to come to grips.

other dreams have come and gone, but this morning it was dreams about my ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend (previously dubbed "idiot-jerk") who were being nice if not overtly friendly towards me. i'm guessing that this dream was trying to tell me to forgive "idiot-jerk" and get over it and on with my life or whatever, but i don't think i can do that. forgive him, i mean. i think i'd like to hold onto that for a little while longer.

otherwise, i've been happy and healthy (a little too healthy if my expanding waist-line is any indication…) and apparently never without something to do.

and now, it's time for me to get out of here a little early so the systems guys can rape my machine and infect it with the Visual Studio .NET virus. apparently, i'm going to have to learn to deal with even more Microsoft crap. bah. bill gates, i spit on thee.

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for all of you, our dedicated readers who have shown extreme patience in continuing to visit us here in lovely lovely bipolar land of the decrepit finicky servers… here's your reward. this is an email exchange with one of the guys at our web host.

From: "Justin Ramsey" <jramsey@dbwired.com>
Reply-To: <jramsey@dbwired.com>
To: <coffeemonk@hotmail.com>
Subject: x13design.com
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 17:12:02 -0400

Real traffic: 8096603999183.844 MB

—

and my response…

—

Justin,

thanks for your reply.

wow. that is a completely inconceivable number. according to my server stats, we only get around an average of 120 visits per day. And, again according to my stats, we've done a maximum of 98MB over the past nine days. i don't see how this can tranlate into that impossibly large number.

Eric indicated that the server we were hosted on was experiencing Denial of Service attacks. I would tend to think that that might be the ultimate cause of this outrageous number.

If you can point out exactly what's being downloaded from our site that is causing this unbelieveable amount of transfers, please let me know, otherwise, don't try shifting blame for your inability to control malicious users from hacking your servers.

thanks for your time, and i look forward to your reply.

m@
–
Matthew Rasnake
x13design.com

as you might imagine, i really do look forward to his reply.

and…

life remains interesting.

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well. i never did manage to write anything about that dream that i had… or anything else for that matter. another week has slipped by with me, once again, thinking about writing a post every day, but never quite managing to pull up blogger and actually do it. and what a strange week it's been as well. right now it's friday night, but it feels like a tuesday or thursday except that my belly is full of Denny's and there's a bag full of comics sitting on my bed in my room downstairs, so it kind of feels like a wednesday too. i'm just all messed up. the past couple of days have been fairly depressing.

now, don't get me wrong, first off my sister did come into town (from FRANCE, no less) and spent the first few days of her American vacation here at the house. i love my sister to death, and i'm really glad that i got to see her. unfortunately, visiting with her was probably the happiest part of the past few days. we all had a grand time hanging out on Tuesday night; me, my sis, paul, brax, and mr. norman (not sure how he feels about us using his name on these blog things, so i'll just leave it at that). we all sat around (as described in paul's blog) and played a game of drunken trivial pursuit until the attack of the evil succubus. after that, the party kind of devolved into bitching, whining, pissing, moaning, laughing, chatting, and generally haphazardly carrying on. of course, brax and his cancerous growth were arguing on the front porch (which is my only smoking area) so i had to interrupt them and then walk around the block while i smoked. nothing like not being able to enjoy your only refuge to really twist your spine.

then, of course, came the 4th of july. big plans for a big party with a bunch of our friends, some good food, drinks galore, and fireworks spectacularrr. so i got up around noonish figured i'd have a lazy kind of day until around 3 or 4, y'know, relax and enjoy my day off, which i did. of course, this entire time, brax is locked in his room having his soul ripped away. around 4 my sis started complaining about being terribly hungry, but i was hoping she could hold off until we got the grill fired up at jim's house around 6. i mentioned to paul (who'd already gone out and gotten some grub himself) that we should probably start gathering up the troops for the trip to jim's. his response was that it was "too late." so, seeing my big plans effectively dashed against the rocks by brax's disappearance and paul's bad mood (we could have done the cookout without brax, and perhaps that would have served to point out the stupidity he was subjecting himself to…), i got dressed and my sis and i went out for dinner. we didn't get to go to several of our first choice restaurants because they were closed for the 4th, but finally settled in at Mark's Feed Store for some good Barbecue. after getting back home i called up jim to tell him about the failure of my plans, and to suggest we might have a more intimate little gathering to watch movies or something. i also tried to call my former roommate jess to be sure she was aware of what was(n't) going on, but didn't actually get to talk to her. a few hours later, jim called back and said that she and her beau were already over there. i woke my sis from her food and jet-lag induced slumber, grabbed some movies, and hit the door. we stopped at the grocery and picked up some ice cream, then got to jim's.

after we got there, we chit-chatted with jim, jess, and john, the polite conversation eventually turning into an enjoyably heated discussion about stereotypes, homosexuality, religion and religious fundamentalists, theology, and philosophy. lori (jim's wife) got home and jess and john left shortly thereafter to go to another friend's party. so the four of us hung out and chatted a bit longer before settling on "Heathers" and plopping ourselves in the living room to watch it. after the movie we just came home and called it a night. not quite the fun, enjoyable time i'd been looking forward to, but at least it wasn't a total bust. at least i was still able to get sara out to socialize a little bit. the day had pretty much pissed me off, because my sister had decided to spend her time with me on the 4th of july rather than with her friends who were also planning (and probably actually did) some exciting things for the holiday. i'm glad i got to see her and hang out with her, but i think she'd have had a better time with her friends.

and of course, the other reason i was in an ill mood wednesday and thursday, is the conversation that my father & i had had on the phone on wednesday. i know i've talked about it before, but a bad familial relationship isn't something you can just sweep under the rug and forget about, it just keeps coming up, each and every time you interact with that person. as i said, i've already talked about it in this forum, so i'll not drown you with the details. if you're a glutton for this type of thing, you can freely search through the archives for it. but i did eventually take off from work an hour early on thursday so i could be home when dad got there to see him and so i could tell my sis bye. hanging out with my dad was worse than the phone conversation. we hung out, we talked, he made jokes, i made jokes, but when he left i was just completely depressed. i almost just shut myself in my room to read a book, but instead i immersed myself in a game of bridgebuilder.

anyway, i'm not so depressed today, it's actually been a decent day. i'm a little tired. i'm very broke. i'm going out for a smoke.

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how depressing is it to be sitting at work for 8 hours with absolutely nothing to do? let me tell ya, it's pretty damned depressing. the only positive side of it is that i've been able to finally chat with nathan since his girlfriend convinced him to get on ICQ long enough for me to convince him to download a jabber client. now that Nathan's on jabber, we've also convinced paul to try it out so we can all do a group chat thing and seriously defeat any productive potential we have while at work.

not to mention the fact that, in the process of having an absolutely great time last night, i stayed up way too late, got a little tipsy, and today am just completely bushed. apparently, we're about to get our first home-cooked family meal in the new place, as paul's just informed me that brax will be fixing up some spaghetti. and damn, it's comics day! i've been frickin craving my traditional wednesday Denny's Big Texas BBQ burger all damn day.

anyway, went to see the Reverend for the sixth time last night, and as usual, they were awesome. i'd have to say it wasn't their best show, but since their shows have progressively gotten better and better each time, i'd have to put it just below the last time i saw them. which is probably considerably better than most of the bands out there. another positive thing was the opening bands, who pretty much rocked the house. Death on Wednesday opened, followed by the Gotohells. It was pretty funny, just before the Gotohells came out and started playing, we were standing around talking about old Van Halen and other "hard rock" that we grew up with and really like (in retrospect, at least for me). Three chords into the Gotohells' set, i was surprised by how "classic rock" they sounded. I was thinking, listening to their set, that they sounded a bit like a good sized helping of Van Halen and other classic rock, mixed in with a little pinch of Mudhoney and grunge sound thrown in. We were all pretty impressed with the opening acts, which is very rare for us. In fact, let me see if i can remember opening acts i've actually liked out of all the concerts i've been to… the Cows, Engine, Deke Dikerson (much better live than the album that i was able to find)… and… uh… that's about it. I'm sure brax and paul could remind me of some other openers that i liked, but hey, if i can't remember them, they weren't that impressive were they?

then the Reverend came on stage and just rocked straight outta the box from beginning to end. they played quite a few songs off the first two albums, some stuff off the middle few and last albums, and some new (unrecorded) stuff as well. i think the highlight of the evening for me was when they played "eat steak" which is one of my all time favorite songs. after the Reverend made a comment to some person in the pit complaining they couldn't hear the lyrics, saying "next time, maybe i'll be more willing to work with you if you bring up a shot of jagermeister." brax then got the idea that we should take him a shot right then & there (this is a normal RHH show occurrence) and he dragged paul along to take it up to the stage. i hung in the back and just enjoyed the show. a few songs before their first break, paul came back and grabbed me and dragged me up into the pit with them. (thus setting up the next highlight of the night) at the end of the encore the Reverend came out to the edge of the stage and shook hands with people, me include. so, i got to shake hands with one of my idols.

i finally bought a new t-shirt, and met up with brax and paul who were hanging out and talking with Jimbo (the stand-up bass player). so i actually got to meet Jimbo as well, exchanged a few words with him, bordering on a conversation. Finally, as we were still waiting for the Reverend to come back out to mingle, i got to meet Scott as well. We had a great conversation about Louisville, Lexington, girls, the karaoke bar he'd gotten kicked out of the night before. and in the end, he offered to put us on the guest list for the Lexington show. damn. it's so tempting to go, but as tired as i am right now, i'd never make it staying up until three again and facing an hour plus drive home.

so, aside from Brax nearly getting in a fight with some chick because he was drunkenly dancing to the music, and aside from the fact that idiot-jerk (yes, the same idiot-jerk from previously told stories relating to an ex-girlfriend) was standing in front of me through almost the entire Horton Heat set, i had a wonderful time last night. i did spend considerable time trying to figure out if it really was idiot-jerk standing in front of me, and then, once i had figured it out, i spent considerably more time debating the value of jumping over the rail that was in front of me and pounding his face into the floor. thankfully, propriety and the desire for personal safety (who knows how many of his friends were there) won out and i left him alone. this was also part of the reason i hung back when paul and brax moved up to the pit. i wanted idiot-jerk where i could see him… just in case. but, once paul came back to drag me up there, i enjoyed the act of walking directly in front of idiot-jerk (even saying "excuse me.") on my way down to the pit. overall, i'd say the move to the pit was worth it.

i had a great night last night, and again, if you ever have the opportunity to see the Reverend Horton Heat, don't miss out. if i hear of any of you knowingly skipping out on a Horton Heat show without a very good reason, i'll personally find you and kick your ass… or at least give you a stern talking to.

3 for 3 baby, yeah.

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i've been to hell and back. i was overly optimistic about my moving experience. thursday we got the u-haul with no problems–if you don't count the customer in front of us in line who was cursing and yelling up a storm and in turn getting cursed and yelled at by the guy behind the counter…
it was quite an experience. and made it all the more fun to walk up to the counter and respond to the question "may i help you?" with a big smile and "i'd like to rent a truck!" while barely containing my laughter. really, i think a normal person (read: normal being the average joe human with force-fed christian morality) would have probably walked out and made a big scene; i just thought it was funny.

so, we get back to the old place and, according to plan, start trying to get the couch downstairs. brax and i fought with it for almost an hour, trying every different angle we could think of, but for some reason, despite the fact that it fit through the door to go UPstairs, it just wouldn't go out the door trying to get it DOWNstairs. we decided to postpone the couch until we could get paul over there to help us with his superior spatial reasoning skills. of course, at this point, we were completely bushed having basically held up a 300+ pound couch for almost an hour. we got a few of the smaller things moved… some bookshelves, the chair, my filing cabinets, the mattresses. then we took a break and went for sodas. as we were hanging out on the front porch, paul drove up, and we almost immediately put him to work helping us with our 2nd attempt at the couch. after another hour of struggle in which the walls of the stairwell were even further gouged and maimed, they finally convinced me to give up. feeling frustrated and beaten by an inanimate object, they finally convinced me to just accept brian's offer to buy the couch from me. that couch has been with me for over seven years. i'll miss it, but brian's granted me visitation rights. in fact, i think i'll go visit it tonight, under the pretense of getting the last few things i inadvertently left in the house.

and, of course, thursday wasn't the only day. we also spent several hours friday, and saturday lugging things out by the carload. sunday we spent a few more hours in a last mad dash carrying out the bulk of what was left. thankfully getting done and home in time to then go for our first grocery shopping excursion and still make it home in time for Iron Chef.

we've managed to organize our living room to some extent excluding unpacking of books, videos and cds. our kitchen is on it's way to organization, again with some minor unpacking. but unfortunately, my room is still a big pile of boxes. i'm still not sure how the furniture layout will go, and i probably won't figure that out until i get those boxes out of the way. but it is very nice to have my own room. i can now walk in my room, shut the door, and prance around naked without fear of someone barging in on me. naked time to me is important time. everyone should enjoy a little naked time every day. and i don't mean just getting in and out of the shower, but lazy lounging around naked time.

of course, because of the move, i've been without DSL since Thursday. I spent the entire weekend without internet access (though i could have used paul's computer if i'd wanted) since i don't have a regular modem in my computer. it was actually kind of nice. it seems that the net has somewhat taken over my life lately. so, i didn't get a chance to check email, read any of my daily sites, or, of course, update bipolar (though i did get the itch a couple times). i'll still be without for at least a few more days, but i'll try to keep up from here at work.

brian's comments in his post from thursday were touching. over the past year, brian and i have spent quite a bit of time together and gotten to know each other quite well. i'd say i've pretty much gotten him figured out. it's probably those fundamental similarities he mentioned that have made it possible for us to not kill each other, and the fundamental differences that made it just dynamic enough for us to not die of boredom with each other.

i imagine that bipolar will probably change and grow again, with this new chapter in our lives starting. it should be interesting.

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one thing i neglected to mention last night was that, as i was sitting on the couch enjoying a hearty salad and flipping channels on the TV, i came across a program where pretty much every word out of all of the participants mouths was a giant load of crap.

I am always flabbergasted by the hoops that the so-called "believers in god" jump through to disprove scientific findings with their own half-baked and glossed-over "scientific" findings. i was able, at the age of 10, to incorporate both my religion and the science i was learning, and nothing i have learned since then has shaken or challenged that combination. yet these people are so closed minded that they can't see the contradictions in their own logic while they're attempting to refute the contradictions in other's. they take what they've been taught, and when that is challenged, they hold on to it for dear life, in fear that if it's taken away, all these teachings they've built their life around will simply cease to exist. they apparently have an overwhelming desire to place limits on the capability, imagination, and omniscience of the god whose limitlessness they're trying so hard to prove.

the existence of programs and establishments such as this one, are yet another symptom of the illness and desperation of our society. it's something i've been thinking about for a long time, but have yet to come up with a succinct explanation or terminology.

needless to say, there were several times during the course of this program where i laughed out loud and nearly choked to death on a piece of lettuce.

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