so, what have i been up to the past couple weeks…

well, amazingly enough, i've been planning for a trip to france to visit my sister (who hasn't updated her blog in quite a while…). i've finally managed to drag out the Berlitz "Basic French" cassette learning program i bought on remainder at Hawley-Cooke a couple years ago, and i've been listening to them regularly for the past two weeks or so. the first week, i think i probably heard four times as many words in french than i heard in english. now, my big project is digitizing the four tapes in the program and making MP3s out of them, so i can take them to work and listen without having to drag a cassette player and headphones everywhere i go. of course, i've primarily been just listening and figuring out the sound of french. i haven't gotten into the writing or vocabulary study yet. so, if anyone gets the bright idea to write me an email in french… i'm not quite ready for that yet. but hopefully, by the time July rolls around, i'll have at least a passable knowledge of the language. i may look like a fool in france, but at least i'll look like a fool who's trying to be polite.

i also finally finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which i kicked off with "The Hobbit" back during christmas at my grandmother's, and i just cracked open the introduction to "The Iliad."

i've been hanging out with brian quite a bit more recently, which i enjoy. we've actually been throwing around some ideas for a screenplay, since we have a commitment from a friend of ours to "shoot whatever" we write. of course, then we also had a conversation with another person a "playwright" apparently, who was asking us all kinds of questions about sub-stories, and plot-driving stories and all that jazz. this is something i'm rather torn on. i can't say that i've ever consciously tried to write anything using sub-stories, but have relied more on the primary story and the characters themselves to drive the plots… such as they were. anyway, i think we've come up with some good ideas, now we just need to corral them into a story.

my band and i have finally buckled down and gotten a digital recorder–rent-to-own style. after talking with some knowledgeable friends, i'm more satisfied that we made a good choice picking up the one we did (being the only one presented to us and immediately available) and that we'll not regret the (ongoing) purchase. hopefully, it'll allow us to finally make a decent recording and get some demos out to whomever the hell it is that books shows around these parts. also, it's entirely conceivable that i might throw a couple tracks on the site (probably once we get to the permanent server) so that anyone with a healthy masochistic bent can listen to "the prick" all they want. also hopefully, it'll allow us to get some gigs and actually start playing out. if we get really lucky, maybe we'll get Old Man (paul's band) to let us play with them (or vice versa).

ok. y'know what? it's late, and my boss bitched me out this morning for being late, so i'd better close this up and get my irresponsible ass to bed.

au revoir! a bientot!

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ok. so, technically, i missed the deadline for the end of the year blowout post. we'll just have to make do.

the new year is already on us, and i can't help but feeling that i barely noticed the old one passing. if it weren't for the fact that i have to put my coat on just to go out and smoke, and that even inside the house, my fingers are always cold, i'd be hard pressed to believe you if you told me it was winter. top that off with the fact that the seasonal depression that seemed to have affected me every year for the past 6 or more never did really grab hold of me this year, and things are just that much more surreal.

the only really major event in my personal life this year was the move out of the casa de bipolar, and into a newly christened casa de coffeemonk. one would think that such an event would have been enough to really drive home the concept of the passing of time, but the transition was so smooth and uneventful in itself, that i hardly noticed the change. of course, the unfortunate side-effect of the move has been the loss of hang-out time with my compadre brian over there to my left. on the positive side, i've been enjoying increased hang-out time with the old crew and getting to be closer friends with them all over again. and i've made some new friends that had formerly been (to me, anyway) outside of my normal circle, and welcomed them into the family.

on the romantic front, this past year has just been a continuation of the same barren wasteland of the year before. so, nothing to write about in that arena.

i hesitate to make any sort of new years resolution, not having ever made one before, but i believe that my life has reached a point where i will either have to make some drastic changes, or simply accept that there are some things over which i have no direct conscious control. i've let my writing slip for such a long time, that my typewriter and i are hardly on speaking terms anymore. i've been so remiss in maintaining my reading habits that the same 15 books that were sitting unread on my bookshelf at the beginning of the year are still there looking particularly unhappy. i've also become astoundingly lazy. but, my friends, changes… they are a'comin'.

already over the christmas break i read three books, so the reading muscles are once again getting primed to tackle those paperback copies of the Illiad and the Odyssey. I took my laptop to my grandmother's house over the break, and this time, i actually managed to turn it on, re-read some of the writings i'd been working on, and even to endeavor to add some lines to the story. the laziness thing will really be the tough nut, but i think i'm beginning to get sufficiently pissed off to the point that i'll soon be able to chastise myself into action.

so overall, the past year has been very very… blah–for the most part. but i have high hopes that this year will prove to be more fulfilling.

stay tuned.

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to finally conclude the bloomington story series here on bipolar, i invite you to join me on a trip back in time… imagine it's a mere four days ago, a saturday, and you've been having a great time so far all weekend. you're at a party, and since it is halloween there are many strange things happening. stay with me as we imagine that throughout this night, many beers have been consumed by these freakish apparitions who have in fact grown ever more freakish as the night progressed. now, imagine that one of these strange creatures is dressed as Space Ghost, while his companion is dressed as blossom the power puff girl… strange strange. late in the night, as you unsuspectingly enter a room, you are forced to witness this horrible scene…

for those of you who didn't scream at the sight of that, you have more resolve than i.

(sorry nate, couldn't resist throwing that little gem in there for the world to see!)

and please, forgive the strange, probably half-assed "b" horror movie/twilight zone feel of that first bit… it is halloween, after all.

in other news, i had to rush to the bookstore straight from work tonight in order to catch the inimitable Bruce Campbell at a speaking/signing event for his new book "If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a "B" Movie Actor." it was a pretty good event, though horribly crowded since they held it in the bardstown road Hawley-Cooke–a tiny little store unsuitable for such a well-known (well, well known for a self-proclaimed "b-list" actor) personality. Bruce started out with a brief chat, and threw out some one-liners and current-events jokes to liven up the crowd ( i have to assume). one thing's for certain, Bruce Campbell is a ham. 90% of his responses to questions were sarcastic half-answers, and he tended to interrupt the questioners often enough for me to take notice. he did stay up there for a good amount of time answering the questions, and was fairly witty the whole time.

after the Q&A session the line up for the autograph table was organized. being in the third group called (i think there were around 11 groups, total), it took us probably about an hour to an hour and a half to get up to the table. the autograph table was set up in a little cordoned off section of the store, and the fans were let into the section one at a time. there were actually chairs sitting to Bruce's right where you could (were expected to) sit as he signed your book(s). the lady who would walk you to the table asked you your name before you went up so she could tell Bruce so he could greet you by name. "very… fancy." (read that in a Sean Connery voice to get the intended effect.)

of course, since i used to work at Hawley-Cooke as their webmaster (their current site is NOT MY FAULT. i swear. i haven't had anything to do with it in over a year!!!), and i knew the name lady from my tenure there, she introduced me as "matthew the webmaster." boy did that spark some interesting conversation from old brucie, neh. "the webmaster, eh? master of the web?" … it's nice to see that even he in that high-pressure situation where you're talking to a few hundred different people in the space of a couple hours and are expected to be witty… was not. to bruce's credit though, he did know enough about the internet development world to infer the word "design," and to work it into the comment he wrote with his signature.

all in all, it was an enjoyable time. luckily, a friend we met there had a camera, and allowed us to use it to take pictures. perhaps when i get a copy i'll link it in (as i seem fond of doing lately… oh, if only i had my own digital camera…). and, joy of joys, the one night when it counted, our local UPN station decided to air the first UofL basketball exhibition game, and in so doing, to delay Enterprise by the length of the game. of course, if they ever do it again, i'll be pissed.

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it has occurred to me that my creativity is like an anemic little creature hidden away in the basement of my life. at least, that's the way it seems looking back on the past few years. it seems that it's just been feeding off of things from the past–not really growing or coming up with anything new.

i used to write scads of poems every day, i used to run around with a camera and take pictures of mundane objects or contrived still life settings. i used to read constantly. i used to make lots & lots of coffee and stay up all hours of the night talking with friends, writing, and listening to and playing music. i used to live to create new things or experience the creations of others.

now, i really miss that. now, i really want to find that part of me again.

the past few years i've been showing people old books of poetry, old short stories, old barely begun fragments of novels, old photographs, old paintings, and talking about how much i loved doing them and how much i still enjoy the creative process.

the most creativity i've expressed in this time has been here in this weblog or with the band i'm playing in. even these things, half the time, just feel like i'm going through the motions.

and, of course, the time of year doesn't help matters any. during the summer month's i'm always too hot, always just wanting to sit down and escape the heat and humidity. in the winter months i always get soulful and introspective, more often than not going beyond the point where those things are able to fuel the creative processes.

i keep thinking about it though, and i know that at some point it's going to be me, a notebook, a pack of cigarettes, and a cup of coffee. again. just like old times.

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hump day again, folks, and today it really is comics day. (last week's was postponed 24 hours on account of easter).

for some reason, it seems like the weeks have just been flying by lately… there's no break, no pause. perhaps it's got something to do with the fact that i keep myself busy doing meaningless stuff on the computer or hanging out with friends. i really need to get out of the house more. at the very least, i'm hoping to start taking my laptop with its freshly charged batteries out on the back deck and doing some writing when i get home from work in the evenings.

BTW, thank the great oogly-moogly for bartelby.com.

so, this weekend was pretty fun, except for the fact that the instigator of the supposedly two-day affair bailed out by calling the Wicked Witch of the West (his bitch girlfriend) around midnight or so and leaving with her. i swear if she didn't owe him almost 2 grand, i'd kick her ass to the curb myself and lock him in his room without his phone for a week.

but, nevertheless, while people where there, the party was pretty damned fun, me happily prepping and grilling the food, and later climbing up on top of the garage with everyone else, me with a half-glass of whiskey in my hand that brian insisted i drink (since he was kind enough to bring the bottle with him when he came), and all of us hooting and hollering at what was at best an average fireworks display.

having finished yet another accelerated development project here at work, i've had a little time today to get back to reading some of my favorite blogs. puffin-a-go-go's a given since we spend and obscene amount of time together (y'know, being buddies and all), and there's also sharon (who hasn't updated in a couple days… much like yours truly), and my favorite sister whose most recent post has a long and funny story tacked onto the end. sara (my sister) has been trying really hard to keep a daily routine going with her blog, despite being horribly overworked. but, y'know, as i like to explain it, she may be horribly overworked, but she's horribly overworked in FRANCE. and finally, a post from a few days ago on murmur where tim serves up what is a really great metaphor in general, and really great for the way i myself have been feeling for a while now… except i'm still stuck in the "lost my keys" stage.

oh, and on Sunday, i went through the whole ordeal of reinstalling windows yet again, in an attempt to stabilize my system, which really can never work since i'm running on windows. perhaps i should just say screw it and learn me some linux.

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