2001.04.30 techno-bio-sociological imperative:

i think we all know the feeling, that moment that we all have experienced at least once, where you just feel like everything you do is not enough, where you feel that your life is completely worthless, and where, just for a moment, you really really wish that there was some way to just give up. well, about 4:15 this afternoon, i walked out on one of the loading docks at the back of my building, and this feeling just washed over me. i was soaked with it, drowning in it, but there was no reason for it to be there. it was the strangest thing. i sincerely felt, for that moment, that every little struggle that life throws at us is completely, utterly pointless. in fact, it was such an odd thing, there being, as i said, no real reason for it, that i pointed it out to my buddies who were out there with me. of course, by the time i was able to articulate it, the tide itself had passed, and i was only feeling the little substance that remained as it drained away from me.

don't look for me to explain it, or to launch into some great exposition about how it's not true, life's not pointless, things aren't as dismal as they seem, because though i don't really believe it, i also can't firmly deny it. if there is a point to life, it's as i explained to a friend the other day… our one and only purpose for being here, alive in this universe, is to reproduce and continue the cycle of life and death. and lest you misunderstand me, i'm not talking from a spiritual perspective at all here, i'm referring merely to our biological imperative and reason for being. the spiritual or even theological side of the argument is an entirely separate side of the coin.

anyway, the past weekend was very enjoyable. spent some time with some friends i don't get to hang out with much, and had a great time. paul's drinking buddy (and music playing buddy, and just general all-around buddy, i guess) neil showed up ,and when told that paul was with us, his (somewhat tongue in cheek) remark was "Alright! Paul's here! Now i can DRINK!" maybe that's too much of an inside joke to really be funny here, but believe me, it is funny.

that bad bad girl sharon still hasn't updated her page, since even my last update, so everyone be sure to visit and tell her to write something. i mean, really, if i've updated twice since her last update, something needs to be done.

finally, my sister finally finished her self-described NC17 story (which started here) which turned out to be as funny as the first part suggested. my poor naive little sister. of course, i'd have been had just as easily.

well, gee, i guess that'll do for today, don't wanna overwhelm anybody. i really need to post more often so i don't have to play catch up every time. oh, and speaking of updating more often, our illustrious former web-host and all-around systems brainiac just chastised me for not having updated my web-cam in almost a month. i'll see if i can't get 'er up and running tonight, and at least get a fresh picture up there.

- 09:44 pm :: permalink
categories ::  Drinking - Family - Friends - Upset/Dislike