bleary-eyed morning at the house. clyde has an annoying habit of waking me up between 5 and 6am every morning, now. meowing, crying, and carrying on. it's insane. i wish i knew what her problem is. i sleepwalked through all those things you do on auto-pilot every morning, eventually finding myself in the car, stereo blaring, on the way to work.

i haven't been sleeping well, lately. i wish i knew how to talk about what's been bothering me, but my tongue gets all tripped up and i end up saying nothing. i swear, someday i'm gonna end up getting strangled by my heartstrings.

it's a miserable feeling to have someone just walk away from you. to have someone just give up on the situation and leave you cold. it's a miserable feeling to try calling and have them not answer, even when you know they're home. what can you really do? talk into their answering machine until you finally run out of steam? choking on every other word and then finally say "goodbye…please call me," and hope to god they will, even when you know they won't? it hurts to stare at the phone all night and watch it never ring.

and how do you feel when this person swears up and down that it doesn't have a damn thing to do with you? when they swear that you're an amazing person and they're the one that's screwed up? do you believe them, even though you've heard it a million times? why should you? it's all just that same false hope that you use to get through everything, right?

all i really have is questions, at this point. you'd think, as many times as i've been through this, i'd finally have some answers. i know that all i really have is a broken heart, and the shards are lodged in my throat.