2006.09.16 well now, that's a little weird:

so, i was in college, right? i'm sure some of you know what that's like. in college i had a job—a couple jobs, in fact—that involved me mostly sitting around on my ass watching people not know how to work simple devices. during my ample free time, bored off my nut, i would occasionally write stories or little anecdotes to humor myself. once we actually got campus "internet," i would occasionally write these stories for a buddy of mine to give us both a little amusement. i hired him into the computer lab i managed for a semester, and he stayed put after i moved on, so i wrote little parodies about life in the lab after I left, and i wrote them in the style of a screenplay (more or less). in the midst of one of these stories, i wrote a parody commercial-break, for a product I assumed would never exist. i have just found out today just how wrong i was.

but first, a word from our sponsors… (a parody commercial written in the heady year of 1994)

warning, the rest of this post is probably NSFW

Dark, misty jungle. Camera pans slightly to find a naked woman, lying on the ground, legs parted slightly, suggestively.

Voice Over:
A scent of a thousand years… a scent which commands and humiliates all who catch it.

Full body profile view of woman on ground, her right leg slightly bent at the knee, foot on the ground.

A scent of love, passion, desire.

Full body profile view, pulled back. Wolf walks up to inside of woman's right thigh, appears to sniff as woman bends knee further and camera pushes in towards woman.

A scent of magic, and mystery.

Profile view, encompassing the woman from head to thigh. A man's head emerges from behind her thigh, he raises his head to gaze at her, and they smile knowingly.

The scent of… VeHina.

VeHina, the newest fragrance from the makers of Giorgio, Channel No. 5, and other fragrances. Available at your nearest Sears/Roebuck location.

And now, back to your irregularly scheduled blog.

so, yeah, that was weird. but it gets better. apparently, a company in Cologne, Germany is producing a fragrance called—oh yeah, i'm not even kidding—VULVA. this, people, is what we call not mincing words. it is a bit amusing to me that they use "flavour" instead of "scent" in a few places… especially since their FAQs specifically recommend against "drinking" Vulva.

perhaps more frightening is the fact that they have "other fragrances" in development, including "Vulva – Eighteen," and "Vulva – Exotic." the "Eighteen" version is inexplicably packaged in white, and I have to wonder what they mean by exotic… do the vulvas of different races or cultures have different scents, or are they just "spicing it up?"

and to take it one more step further into the absurd, they also mention that they're working on a scent for women (as obviously, with women already having vulvas, they won't need to carry around a vial of the scent of one). one might wonder just what masculine fragrance they might attempt to capture. perhaps their next product will be called "Balls," "Shaft," or something "edgy" like "Foreskin."

this icky-dirty-need-a-shower bipolar experience has been brought to you by the letters "V," "J," and, uh… "J."

- 01:14 am :: permalink :: 2 comments
categories ::  Girls - Nostalgia - Pleased/Like

2 Responses to “well now, that's a little weird:”

lisa said:

Ew! Ew! Ew! Why not just make a whole line of fragrance- "Pee" or "Sweat" or "Poo" or "Semen"? Ew.

# September 16, 2006,

m@ said:

seriously. and this is supposed to be an aphrodisiac of sorts, to get men "in the mood."

of course, as i and many other people have said… you can find pretty much anything on the internet. not that i'm going to go searching for the things you mentioned… our government can illegally wiretap us, who knows what else they've got their (ahem) noses in.

# September 16, 2006,