life is hell when you don't sleep. to tell the truth…it's even worse when you really want to sleep, but for one reason or another…you just can't. i've never considered myself much of an insomniac, but there are times when i get something on my mind and it completely bars me from sleep. it's like the gates to eight hours of sweet oblivion have been slammed shut in my face. last night was definitely one of those nights. some would say i don't have much to think about, at all. i could lay the whole deal out and everyone would look at me, blink, and then tell me i'm an idiot. so i'll spare you. let's leave it at this: i remember being awake way more than i might have actually slept, last night.

and no….i wasn't drinking.

the kilowatthours show got moved, due to a slight issue with a fire at our original venue. we were lucky enough to jump onto another show that was down the road, so it worked out splendidly. this also worked out because this was the show that "the girl" was playing, so…yeah…fate dealt a nice hand. the show was an enjoyable evening of diverse music, to say the least. thanks to anyone who reads this and actually showed up, even if i didn't play this show.

the girl. is she "the girl"? who knows. i cooked her dinner friday night and everything went really well. i even bought wine, even though i can't stand the stuff. we curled up on the couch and watched some german movie called the legends of rita (or die stille nach dem schu?, for you nitpickers). it was a nice evening, even if i didn't quite figure out where i stand. i think that's really my problem…i like to know where i stand. it's pretty much a need, really. it drives me completely crazy and makes me second guess myself if i don't know what the situation is. and maybe that leads us to why i didn't sleep, last night…

the show went well. we hung out, enjoyed light conversation, but i started getting the feeling that where i actually stand is way far away from where i actually want to be. but the worst thing is…i don't know for sure. hence the sleepless night.

i know i like this girl a lot. to be honest, i had one of those waking epiphanies where i realized that i like her a hell of a lot more than i've been admitting to myself (which elicits a giant "no shit…it was obvious to us" from just about every one of my friends). this is really starting to bother me. mainly because i don't know what to do about it, and i don't have a clue what's going on. i'd like nothing more than to pursue this thing, both barrels blazing, straight on to sunset (or something), but i don't know if that would do me a bit of good. maybe i'll just ask her.

that's a novel concept. wonder if it'll work…