god…this is probably gonna be a rant in six hundred and sixty-six parts. where do i begin? how about the beginning? okay…

i was born.

nah…too early.

okay…i got up this morning. yeah…that's better. anyway, i went to pick up my first real check from the new job. i decided to finally stop fearing banks and open a new account today. so i go into the bank, get all the way into the whole opening the account thing, and then they're like "there seems to be an issue with your last bank." if i were keeping this blog back then, you would all collectively go "oh…jesus. he must be pissed." but i didn't, so i guess i'll explain. i had an account with a bank that will remain nameless (BankOne! avoid them at all costs!). i had numerous problems with my account through them, so i decided to close it. well when i closed the account, reducing the balance to zero, they charged me a $2 assisted transfer fee! that then evolved into a $25 overdraft fee. well then the account was still open, so my retarded ex-landlord decided to keep ramming this check that i had already given him cash for, through. causing bounce after bounce. well, all those added up to a whopping $213.05 that i just found out that i owed to this bank! keep in mind that all this happened a year and a half ago. so…geez this is getting long…so i stalk into the main branch of my old bank to casually ask "what the fuck is up?" they give me the run-around until i'm finally talking to the manager of the entire bank. so i tell him what's up, let him know that i think that whoever came up with the brilliant idea of trying to charge me for closing the account was a total moron, and basically show my displeasure with his entire bank. he gives me some weird company line that i disregarded out of hand. then came my big statement of the day: "can we cut the bullshit and clear this the fuck up?" (i know…i'm quite the glib fella…). well then things proceeded at a pleasant clip. oh yeah. after i said that, i found my calm little center and escaped the scene with all my limbs intact and a closed bank account.

so i got that taken care of. and damn, is that a relief.

so yeah….women. more specifically crushes. what the fuck are they good for? i guess they're here for us to enjoy and dream about and then to have reality walk into the room, start laughing like a madman, and then kick our teeth in. i mean…we get crushes on the worst people imaginable, right? most of the time it's people that you have no fucking chance with ever. ever ever ever. never. and the line "i know you're quite attached at the moment, and you probably think i'm a frickin' loony, but damn i like you a lot" generally sounds bad under any circumstances. such is life, right?

ahhhh…screw it. it's my day off.