okay…whoever is writing these fortune cookie fortunes needs to seriously wise up. i'm getting sick of these half-assed fortunes that are always just either something i already knew about myself or a total crock of shit. today's fortunes (the girl at double dragon always gives me two cookies. long story):

you have the ability to adapt to diverse situations.

and

you will discover your hidden talents.

okay…i already knew i was quick and adaptable. you have to be, in order to survive, these days. it also makes life a lot easier and less of a fucking headache. as far as discovering my hidden talents…well…i can't comment on that, except maybe there's a reason they're hidden, huh? maybe it should read "a really nice girl will discover the hidden fact that you're a really good kisser." see…that would be a kickass fortune.

or how about the ultimate?

girls will stop being lame and call you back.

oh…that would be too good for words. i guess every fortune i get these days can't really compare to the highlight of my fortune cookie plundering:

everyone agrees you are the best.

i rest my case.