My pockets are filled with cocaine. Here, have some. So are my armpits, but that is my stash.

As Sebastian said, my AIM name is andrewwkillyou. I am rarely on it, since my normal day consists of partying, partying harder, puking, getting wet, and then restarting the cycle. I do like to hear about your partying, so drop me a line.

My new video for "She is Beautiful" is absolute art. It is Andrew W.K. to the greatest extreme. Its extremity is shocking in just how far past normal extremeocity it is. You will get wet from watching this video and probably without even trying. In just three minutes, it will show you just how wet I get.

Please use the comments to vote for my next single. I am leaning toward either "Fun Night" or "I Love NYC," but suggestions will add to the party.

So will cocaine. Really, you should have some. It's high-quality.

I will start reviewing other people's records tomorrow on the patented Andrew W.K. scale.

Off to party, bros.

Ben emailed me to say that Brian got pretty drunk last night at their first show of the tour, but he was nowhere near death. He only needed to get his stomach pumped twice, and after that, the doctors gave him a nice lollipop, so he was happy from there on out. Unfortunately, in the midst of his drunken stupor, Brian tried to fight Chris for his share of the drink tickets, and Chris and the rest of KWH locked him in the van until Brian remembered how to use door handles again. Overall, this is better than either Brian or I expected, so rock on, Brian.

Brian's cat just gave birth to kittens (Awww…), so we're lining them up to be Bonzai Kittens, so he could take a few on the next tour. It's so much easier to deal with cats in jar form.

Andrew W.K., who is a new poster here and a slobnoxious one at that, periodically comes on IM as andrewwkillyou. Add him to your buddy list and tell him to stop partying and wash his shirt.

greetings, my children, your puffin has returned! since brian is going to be out playing rock star for a few weeks, i have come out of blogging retirement as one of the fabulous guest posters. how the fuck brian got andrew w.k. to join in the fun i'll never know (and yes, he is your mother/father).

last night, i went out for some good ol' ramsi's food with the rasnastic one (look, he's over there —>), the norm and his gal-friday, lisa. the food was better than usual, but i thought the norm was going to pull a bruce banner on the waitress when she told him that he didn't want the type of wine that he ordered. "it's cheap and nasty" was her excuse. i chimed in that he loves cheap and nasty. of course the norm's reply was "well, what do i want?!" you gotta hate opinionated servers, that's why i stick to beer kids.

after that we hit the rud to see brian's rock 'n' roll debut. the first act showed up late and took forever to set up. they were… o.k. the second act was… o.k. telavet went on third and of course they rocked (scotty b. was actually loud enough to be heard, which is a good thing). next was the kilowatt hours with brian. i did not heckle my boy like wanted to, which is surprising 'cause i was pretty fucking smashed. the boy did well and i was proud. i'm looking forward to the vh1: behind the music on this tour.

cheers.

:

I am your mother/father.

i'm sitting here, listening to a playlist of kilowatthours songs that i've rearranged into a prospective "set list," trying to memorize the song titles with the songs, that way whenever i end up looking at a real setlist i won't sit there thinking "how the fuck does this one go?" it doesn't help that we don't go by the album titles on some of the songs. bet you can't figure out which songs are referred to as "dead" and "dan is…"

and now i'm just utterly exhausted. two straight days of intense band practice and i think i've got a solid handle on the material. let's just say it's incredibly rough momrizing an album and a half of material in…a day and a half. we'll be playing through a set or two before we load the van up, so hopefully that'll be all i need. if not? well…i'm fucked. but i'm going to go to sleep to this shit if i have to.

on the fun side of things, most of the "guest hosts" have been set up and locked in. some of the posters will be unknown to most, but this is, after all, just to amuse me whenever i can check in from the road. that and to "drive away any audience we might have," as has been stated at least once over the past couple of days. so with the first show later tonight and us leaving early saturday morning, this will be my last post for a while. bring on the dancing monkeys…

"let it begin."

it's amazing how good you feel after a full night's sleep. to be honest, i probably would have slept a while longer, had there not been some guy that sounded like he was directly outside my window (no easy task when i'm on the third floor) with a chainsaw, trying to audition for jackyl. but at least now i get to sit around the house with a solid grogginess, knowing i don't have to do jack shit for another…20 minutes or so.

ben gets in at around 3pm, with practice starting up as soon after that as possible. word.

the list of guest posters has grown. keep your eyes peeled for scott's big "blog debut"…it's not going to be something you'll want to miss. there are also a few other interesting people who will remain shrouded in semi-secrecy until they actually post.

so…yeah. i have to go get my hair cut…

i woke up this morning, freezing my ass off. apparently it went and decided to get really cold in the middle of the night, all while i had the fan on the air conditioner running and the windows open. needless to say, i was a tad bit cold.

but i guess i said it anyway…

i feel like i've been grinding myself down to nothing over the past few weeks. i deprive myself of sleep, living for the weekend, and then when it finally gets here, i stay up even later. then, of course…i still end up not getting enough sleep. i haven't had a full eight hour block of sleep in at least three weeks. i really need to work on that…

today is my last day at the ol' workplace for a while. tomorrow we start practicing and all that and then we play a show friday night and then hit the road sometime after that. here's the tour dates if you want to try to catch us…

kilowatthours spring tour:
4/26 louisville, ky @ rudyard kipling's
4/27 greensboro, nc @ unc
4/28 washington, dc @ black cat
4/29 arlington, va @ galaxy hut
4/30 boston, ma @ middle east
5/1 new york, ny @ brownie's
5/2 tba
5/3 akron, oh @ lime spider
5/5 indianapolis, in @ melody inn
5/6 chicago, il @ empty bottle
5/7 st. louis, mo @ creepy crawl
5/8 nashville, tn @ spring water

checklist of things i need to do before tour (not in order of importance):
buy extra bass strings
do laundry
buy a spare cord
get my hair cut
burn some cds
find a new book to read
buy a cd walkman
practice
forget something
sleep

i have already made arrangements for some guest posters while i'm gone. you can keep your eyes peeled for a certain puffin and maybe, if you're good, jon will drop by and make fun of everyone, including me. good times, good times.

now i need to go pretend like i'm working…

today is one of those days where you wish you had an out of control heroin habit. y'know…something to take the edge off. but, alas, i don't have a heroin habit at all, so i guess i should just sit in the back, drink my coke, and chill out on my own…

this morning when i was coming into work, i was getting off my exit, which happened to be pretty clogged up with morning rush hour traffic, when this suv in front of me (not exiting) decided to lose its front passenger side wheel. like…the whole wheel. as the wheel rolled across the highway, the truck screeched out and slammed into the concrete barrier. luckily he was in the slow lane, so he didn't have to avoid any of the other lanes of traffic. or rather…they didn't have to avoid him as he veered out of control and crashed into the wall. as i drove by, it looked like the only things severely hurt were his truck and his pride.

i tell ya…there's something surreal about watching a wheel roll across the interstate at 9 in the morning. especially when it's not attached to a vehicle.

other than that, i was in a great mood when i rolled into work. of course, with this being work, it didn't take me too long to get incredibly pissed at a select few people. but i took care of business, ate some lunch, and now we're back to the heroin-less cool down period.

this weekend is thunder over louisville. this is the big kickoff to the derby festival where we shoot a veritable fuckton of fireworks over our medium sized midwestern city. trying our best to blanket the place in smoke for the next couple of days. my tentative plan is to go watch the event from the top of the elliott warehouse. great view, fun people…sounds like a plan.

only two hours and i'm outta this joint…bitchin'.

waking up on a thursday isn't nearly as bad as on a wednesday. the only problem i had with today is i woke up from a dream about an ex-girlfriend (or was it a new girl? could be one and the same…) and had to piss like a racehorse. unfortunately this was a half hour before my alarm is set to go off. curses! by the time i get up and walk downstairs and take a leak and get all the way back upstairs and into bed, i've wasted five minutes and i'm kinda awake. and then i only have 25 minutes until the alarm goes off. so i tried to go back to sleep, but i'm pretty sure i failed miserably until about one minute before the alarm clock went off. curses again!

so i left the house and had a big mocha on my way into work. coffee makes everything better:

coffee = happy brian

but…

coffee + two hours at work = hungry as fuck brian

yeah…a little math for that ass…

jon pointed out this cool little website. i've been dicking around on there for most of the day. i think they're reaching pretty far on some of their references, but it seems fairly accurate, otherwise. this led to a discussion of the fact that i have one of the original tape copies (that came out a year or so after the 7") of polly wog stew somewhere around the house. probably in one of my boxes o' crap that i never bothered unpacking for one reason or another. we also decided that the beastie boys are now nothing but watered down old men. it doesn't seem like they'd even put up a fight for the right to party, these days.

all of this beastie boys talk, and i'm listening to pink floyd. this is never a bad thing.

last night i finally settled down to watch a full episode of greg the bunny. it's not a bad show, but it's nowhere near as good as the original ifc shorts (thanks to tim for the link). at least warren is still an egotistical alcoholic…

did i mention that pepsi tastes like fucking toilet water? well…consider it mentioned. this shit is gross. i'll take the pepsi fuckin' challenge any day of the week.

yeah…that's it. i got nothin'…

i seriously hate waking up and realizing that i'm barely halfway through the week. sometimes it's the other way around…sometimes you wake up and you're smacked in the face with the fact that it's friday and you don't know where the week went. well…today isn't one of those days. damn you, wednesday…

last night i got home from work and ate some ice cream. then i took a nap. seriously. my life is that interesting. chris ended up calling and we worked on three of the songs from strain. i tabbed them out pretty roughly, and then we went to go hang up these swank tour posters (once again by jay ryan and his bird machine). hopefully these nice posters convince a few people to come out to the show…

did i mention that i'm extremely tired? well…consider it mentioned.

when i got home i saw that scott had received the marshall head from his lover. we took it down to the practice space to test it out. much rock was thrown down. then we went to kroger and bought a bunch of dumb crap. scott is currently kicking my ass by almost $9.00 in our battle to see who can save more with kroger plus by the end of the year. little does he know that i plan on going and buying a shitload of ramen in the next few days…that'll teach him…

then we went home, i ate, and then i went to bed. end of completely unexciting recap of how boring my life really is.