i almost completely forgot about the sparta show, last night. that is…until i got an email in my box asking if i was coming out. so on short notice i rolled out to the show and hung out with a couple of people i know from here and there. it was altogether a pretty uneventful evening, with sparta being the only band i was really able to get into. yeah…they sound a lot like at the drive-in. i hung out with tucker from thursday and jim from sparta for a little while after the show, then i headed straight home because i was tired as hell.

then i got home and realized that i completely forgot to get cat food, which made me have to turn right back around and head up to kroger. luckily scott decided he wanted to go, as well, so i didn't feel so bad. there was a couple making out in the parking lot. they were still making out when we left. they must really like kroger.

scott and i laughed about the fact that this was the second night in a row we had gone to kroger late and he spent $3.50 exactly each time.

last night scott and i were out and i was hungry, so i decided to hit the drive thru at burger king and try one of those chicken whopper things. after i ordered and scott and i were sitting there, waiting on the cars in front of us, i looked and scott and said "i bet the chicken 'whopper' is just a regular chicken sandwich."

scott: what is a whopper, really? does it have special sauce?
me: i think they put both mayo and ketchup on it.
scott: hmm…we'll see when you get it.
me: fuck! gross…i hope they don't put ketchup on it…ketchup on chicken would be fuckin' nasty!
scott: this is a bipolar post waiting to happen…
me: oh god…onions…i think the whopper has onions on it…i fucking hate onions…

needless to say, all of my fears were unwarranted because the chicken "whopper" is just a grilled chicken fucking sandwich. what a crock of shit.

well…i'm kinda glad it didn't have onions or ketchup on it, though…

wow. the weekend somehow spun way out of control, but it was 100% fun, so i guess i'm not complaining. somehow i'm sitting here on monday morning, not hurting, not hung over, not cursing existence…it must have been a good run.

friday night i hung out with this girl here at work that i've had a case of simmering hots for since she started. it was a nice evening spent at cahoots, taking down beer after beer. she hung with my insatiable liver for the entire night, and was a great conversationalist. she, like every other girl on the planet, just happens to not be looking to get involved with anyone at the moment. she's busy with school and all that or whatever, and i think she's moving away soon. she's still super cool, so i'm sure we'll hang out again.

saturday began innocently enough…scott and i rolled up to the guitar store, then over to za's for some calzones. the saturday ritual was dusted off in honor of him actually having a day off. i seriously think it was his first day off in a month. after za's we walked down to the record store and just generally dicked around for the rest of the day. i was supposed to hang out with a friend of mine later that night, but she flaked on me, which is pretty standard. so i went to go check out the parlour show (which i had promised to do, anyway). when i got there, i was informed that the show would probably be starting pretty late, so i went up to the back door and hung out with matt and paul for a bit, then went back down to the show. on the way i decided to stop and get one of those 24oz cans of high life, also referred to as a "tall boy." you gotta love a big ol' can of beer. so the show rocked. connor made an ass of himself, which was awesome. did i ever mention that connor is one of the baddest motherfuckers who has ever lived? well…consider it mentioned.

after the show i rolled back down to the back door to embibe more beverage with matt, paul and the gang. then i went to cahoots, met up with some other friends and drank some there. after a while we all started chanting "video poker" and harrassing passerby, all for no good reason. all fun and games until a frat boy gets pissed. keep in mind that there was about 8 or 9 of us standing in the hallway…we had safety in numbers. when cahoots decided to close, everyone decided tthat we should go back to the elliott warehouse and make more party. so with a random assortment of party-primed peoples gathered in the warehouse, we ended up building a ramp over the stairwell and jumping a wheelchair and minibike over it. we fell. a lot. rob cut his hand open and didn't notice. when he went into the bathroom to clean it up, he poured a bunch of alcohol on it and apparently came to the following conclusion:

rubbing alcohol + bloody open wound = intense pain

yeah…not the best idea…

lesson, kids: don't get wasted and jump over stairwells in a wheelchair. or on a minibike. it's just a bad plan. damn it…now i'm starting to sound like jon…

some days just start all wrong. i got woken up at 5:30 this morning by my crazy cat because she decided to start wailing and making as much noise as possible. it's springtime and i think her bitchass is going into heat. this means she'll be spending the night sequestered in the bathroom and i'll be keeping my bedroom door closed. this usually doesn't help much.

so i didn't get enough sleep. other than that, my morning went smooth enough. scott was running late for work, so we competed for the bathroom. no big deal. he was pretty much done by the time i got downstairs, anyway.

i decided to go grab some doughnuts on the way into work. like a dumbass, i decided to go to the speedway (super america r.i.p.) instead of actually going to krispy kreme. i figured speedway had a big krispy kreme "kiosk" or whatever, so i should be able to get plenty of good shit at the early hour. well…some asshole was standing there grabbing his dozen doughnuts and he was stockin' himself up on the custard filled. these are my favorite doughnuts, see…so i was pretty stoked when he left two in there. those two had my name on them…totally. so he shuts the door after choosing his complete dozen. then he looks around, opens the door back up, and grabs one more custard filled, leaving only one! the fucker went for the baker's dozen, knowing he was totally going to get away without having to pay for my doughnut that he fucking stole. i said something about him being a cocksucker. apparently i said it too loud, because i think he heard me. he gave me this redneck sneer and i wanted to knock the shit out of him. he needed a good cock punching, that's for sure.

so i grabbed my one doughnut and some chocolate milk and headed into work.

and i had to park on the top floor of the parking garage. that sucks.

so now i'm just sitting in the office, listening to the misfits, wanting to kill someone. i was planning on going up to the skatepark after work, but it decided to start raining.

jon is running my review of the new weezer record today over at 75 or less. there may be some choice kinko's stories running on slatch later this afternoon, as well.

oh…wait…this is friday. that seems to help make everything a little better. now all i need is a switchblade…

ever have one of those days where you just feel like someone threw a bag over your head? like you're just sitting around in a confused stupor? and i don't mean after smokin' some righteous weed, either. i mean…that's just your purely exhausted point of view…

yeah. that's where i am. i spent a great deal of my work day just sitting there with a confused look on my face. this, of course, prompted a few of my co-workers to ask if i was heshin' it today. "dude…are you stoned?" no, but thanks for asking. i kinda stood around production and talked to this girl that i work with that i kinda think is awesome. mainly i just stood around. or sat around. but somehow i managed to get a ton of work done. weird.

and then i came home and fell asleep on the couch.

clyde seems to have adjusted to my new sleep schedule. she now wakes me up at 6am instead of the customary 8am. she knows she has to try to kill any chance that i will sleep soundly through until my alarm clock goes off. fuckin' cat. she also has gotten to the point where she cries for food, even when her bowl is still half full. i try to reason with her…

me: there's starving kitties out on the streets and you're giving me shit because your bowl isn't filled to the brim?
clyde: you think i give a fuck about starving kitties? i'm the one in the house.
me: you should give a fuck. what if it were you?
clyde: shut up and fill the bowl, fucker. meow.
me: yes m'am.

and such is my life…

last night chris and i hung out. we wen to the record store and i picked up the new blues explosion record. then we went up to the bar to watch the osbournes. let me tell you…that is some choice tv, right there. nothing beats ozzy trying to lecture his kid on the dangers of drugs, especially when he caps his argument with "look at me!" priceless.

what sucks, though, is when you wake up in the morning and discover your roommate took a giant vegan crap in the toilet and clogged it up tight. let me tell you…there are a lot better activities i can think of at 8:30am than plunging my roommate's wheaty turds out of the toilet drain. it's even worse when he does it two days in a row.

reality check: fred durst is still a fucking moron.

what i imagine ice cube's personal ad must look like:

"hard muthafucka with big guns lookin' for a hot bitch to fuck. repeatedly."

yeah…i'm done.

another day, another dollar or so. it's pretty horrible when i actually leave on time and i feel like i might get in trouble for it…like i'm sneaking out early or something. i've gotten to the point where i work two hours late almost every night without even thinking about it.

but fuck it…i wasn't doing anything but shitting around on aim for the last hour of my day, anyway. so i left.

last night scott and i were talking and we realized that we've survived living with each other pretty well. i think we actually enjoy it, most of the time. i asked him what he was gonna do while i was gone on tour, aside from feeding the cat. his answer:

"have tons of chicks over and have a salad tossing party."

this was, of course, a joke. but see…scott didn't know what "salad tossing" was. he thought it was just another reference for oral sex. when i told him, it went a little like this (please forgive me if this is vulgar)…

scott: it is not eating butthole.
me: dude. yes it is. look it up on the internet.
scott: but you said you love to toss salad!
me: no no no…taco salad. different thing all together.
scott (after finding the definition online): christ! it is eating asshole! that's gross!
me: told you, dude.

and that's how our evenings go…

oh yeah…i came home and scott bought me a bass (that i have to pay him back for). he's a pretty cool guy, for a salad tosser.

well…the bipolar server has been up and down aall weekend and apparently the transmission3000 server decided to take a nosedive, as well. when i came into work this morning, both servers decided they were on vacation. if you're reading this, that means bipolar has foundd it's way up. as of this writing, t3k is still down. i would like to point out that the unreliability of the server is the only reason i don't do the live and/or mp3 of the day (or so) every weekday. so…fuck you server for thwarting all of my good ideas.

if anyone out there has a nice, fast server that wants to host my beloved domain (for free) and do lots of traffic, . i'll be your best friend forever. promise.

bored. i made two buddy icons, for those interested…

the weekend went okay, i guess. katie and i went to see telavet on saturday night, which was cool. i kinda think they're playng out a litle too often, but that's just my opinion. they still rocked the house, regardless.

sunday was a beautiful day. chris came over and we walked around and got blizzards and talked about tour and how much women suck. this is a pretty standard set of conversational topics for chris and me. for some reason, they never get old…

we got back to the house and chris decided to go grab a 12-pack. the idea was to sit out on the back porch and drink and shoot the shit…our way of welcoming spring. well…this plan of action derailed right aroundd the time chris and i polished off one beer apiece and scott passed out on the couch from exhaustion. chris and i decided to roll up to the skatepark, where the guys from north carolina were still rippin' the place to shit. those guys are amazing. hen we went to cahoots to grab some late night frieed bar food, one of my favorites.

and our skatepark? it's bad as fuck, yo. gooder'n shit. take a peek for yourself…

once again, i would like to state unequivocally that our new skatepark rips like a motherfucker. straight up. there's just hordes of little kids hanging in the flats of the bowls and channels, though. just chillin'. being in the fucking way. it's the first official day that the park is open, so i guess maybe they'll be gone by later tonight.

jon posted two more of my reviews to 75 or less. today's targets: the newest hot rod circuit and shipping news releases. you get your emo and your arty, all in one doublebarrel shot. some chick tried to represent on my hot rod circuit review, but she got smacked down. you'll have to check the comments to see how it played out. jon seemed to think it was pretty funny.

i'm gonna eat and then go back to the skatepark. maybe some of the kids will be gone…

the live and/or rare mp3 of the day (or so)
neurosis – children of the grave
in these black days vol. 6

simple fact: i didn't think this song could be any more badass and evil. i was proven wrong.

for once i actually got out of work close to on time. we had some stupidass store meeting or something and it ended at 5, so i pretty much ran out the fucking door right after that. this kinda sucked because i had to cram my entire workload into two less hours than normal, so a lot of projects that i wanted to get done today fell by the wayside. like printing new kwh flyers and…y'know…posting to bipolar.

but here i am, posting away. rejoice, or something.

two new reviews are up at 75 or less. you can catch my takes on the new casket lottery and wilco records. score! by the way…the conversation that jon says happened didn't really go exactly like that…i wanted him to print a baker's dozen. y'know…13. because i'm fuckin' crazy like that. or something.

q: hey, brian…what are you doing tonight?
a: well, since you asked…i'm going to see fugazi with rachel's and the shipping news with my good friend sebastian (who was once dead, but is feeling much better now). yes, indeedy, it should be an awesome show! i'm also pretty positive i won't be drinking. thanks for asking!

the live and/or rare mp3 of the day (or so)
botch – the wizard
in these black days vol. 5

the other side to my favorite volume of the in these black days series. botch goes apeshit all over "the wizard." that's about all that needs to be said, really.

it was so nice yesterday…one of those days where you just want to ride around with the windows down, blasting whatever rock record strikes you at the moment, long into the night. the kinda night where you want to go jump the fence and skate the new skatepark, just because it's there and done but doesn't open until friday. the kind of night where you just want to sit on the back porch and think about whatever seems to be running around your head at the time…life, love, taxes…whatever.

and now it's kinda chilly outside. great. mother nature seems to be fucking with us on a weekly basis. she keeps dangling spring in our faces and then yanking it away just when we start to notice what she's holding. vindictive bitch.

speaking of the skatepark…i was up there the other night. it rips. there were about 30 of us just ripping the thing to shreds. the scary thing is…with that many people, it never felt crowded. the thing is that big. sean told me a story about a guy who almost died the other night. some biker found a way to eat total shit at the bottom of the big bowl (a whopping 13 feet deep). he landed on his head, and if it weren't for his helmet, there'd be a brain stain across the flat. as it is, there's a big black streak from that helmet. stupid bikers. funny point: almost a casuality and the place isn't even open yet. bitchin'.

i've just polished off four new reviews that should be up on 75 or less, starting tomorrow. i'll post more details once they go up.

earlier today i was stuck typing up this weird document that was entirely in spanish. the problem is that it was one giant run-on sentence and i don't speak a shred or espanol. i was not about to start putting random periods wherever i saw fit, so i'm sure it's all a bunch of nonsense. doesn't matter to me…may as well be chinese.

the live and/or rare mp3 of the day (or so)
cave in – n.i.b.
in these black days vol. 5

this is from my favorite 7" in the series, mainly because both songs on it were so awesome. all of the other ones seemed to balance a really badass tune with one that just didn't do it for me. cave in shows they can range from straight harcore to prog, all in one song. i feel lame for being late to the cave in party, but you can bet i'm a believer, these days. nativity in muthafuckin' black. word.

important disclaimer: no one can sing these songs like ozzy, but these are good tributes to the pioneers of stoner metal. thank you.