i forgot to mention that while i was sitting on that bench in the garage portion of "the station" that i was seated right next to the previously mentioned crackhead. his cop wasn't really happy with him, so he still had his cuffs on, while i was sitting there, cuffless, making calls on my handy (important calls…like calling the girlfriend to tell her why i wasn't coming over…"honey…i'm in jail."). he made loud protestations about wanting out of his restraints, bitching, moaning, pissin' up a storm.

crackhead: i wasn't smokin' no crack, man. i didn't have no pipe. you put that on me, asshole. i'm writing my congressman!
cop: do you even know who your congressman is?

he was apparently in the midst of a nic fit, as well. too bad for him that i was less than sympathetic.

crackhead (inching closer to me on the bench): hey man…grab that cigarette for me, man. grab it and give it to me.
me: no.
crackhead: come on, man…give it to me.
me: look…your cop and my cop seem to be friends. my cop is being nice to me. if i'm nice to you and i piss your cop off, my cop will probably start being mean to me.
crackhead: fuck you, man! give me that fucking cigarette!
me: get fucked, asswipe. come any closer to me and i'll tell your cop to beat the shit out of you.
(keep in mind these are well smoked butts littered all over the pavement)

then my cop ended up cracking a joke saying "hey, man…i hear you'll get further going straight to the governor. he's really sympathetic to people who are wrongly arrested for smoking crack. oh wait…you probably don't know who the governor is, either. my bad."

who said cops are humorless pricks?

i keep trying to think of something witty to start this post off with. you know…it's been a long weekend. very long. it all started as soon as i left work wednesday…

i should have known that those weird dreams were just harbingers of the true drama to come. the girlfriend called to cancel our tentative plans to go out for a little bit. she had a flu shot and it was making her feel sort of icky. i offered to bring take her some soup when i got off work, but she was already in the process of making some rice. she invited me over to share the rice, so i decided it would be a nice way to wind up the day…rice with the lady. can't beat it. so i roll out toward her house right after work. i'm speeding down zorn avenue and a cop is sitting in the median (there's a big grassy one on zorn) with his lights off, just waiting for a poor schmuck like me to make his night. well i certainly did, pulling a 57 or so in a 35 zone (yikes). he pulls me over, and i call the girl and let her know i might be late.

me: hey. i might be a little late. i just got pulled over at the foot of your street.
her: okay. everything cool? what were you doing?
me: what do you think?
her: okay. speeding. see you in a little bit.

so as the cop saunters up to my window i start to think about those court costs that i forgot to pay back in february. they issue bench warrants for those things (as i figured out from having to take jess down to clear up a similar issue a couple of weeks ago). so the cop walks up and skips the silly little "guess you know why i pulled you over" bit. he's a pleasant fellow. i let him know about my suspicion that i may have a bench warrant. he's happy that i'm forthcoming, he said he'd check on it. i try to be as polite as possible. i'm a nice guy, y'know. after a while the cop rolls back and asks me to step out of the car. "this is starting to suck" i think to myself. he informs me that i'm right about the bench warrant, which, in his eyes, is a totally forgivable offense. but he also turned up a suspended indiana license that i knew nothing about.

cop: yep…i would have let you go on that bench warrant. you can run right up to the 24 hour window and pay that anytime. i'm running you in because of that suspended license, which i'm sure you knew about.
me: actually, sir…this is the first i heard about it. shitty way to find out, huh?
cop: certainly is. please put your hands on the car.

so the cop is a really nice guy about the whole thing (aside from the "taking me to jail" part, anyway) and chit chats with me on the way "downtown." he says things should roll smoothly and i should be out in a couple of hours. as soon as we get into the station, he lets me out of the car, uncuffs me, and lets me sit on a bench while he finishes my prelim paperwork. he sits my property on the trunk of the car and my phone rings. i look at him and he says "you can grab that, if you want." it's scott.

scott: hey. what are you up to?
me: i'm going to jail.
scott: no…really…what are you doing tonight.
me: no, scott…really. i'm going to jail. y'know…bars, crackheads, tin cups and "don't drop the soap?" jail, m'man.
scott: jesus. what the fuck did you do?
me: i didn't pay johnny law in a timely fashion. i should be out shortly.

needless to say, i jinxed myself. they ran me back into a dorm cell before i got all the way through "pre-trial," totally throwing my minor traffic offense onto the back burner. i was in lockup for a total of 9 hours by the time my grandmother came to pick me up at 6am. they released me on my own recognizance, y'know. but not until they let the dui and admitted drug dealer out first. gotta get them back out on the streets, y'know.

the highlight of the experience was telling a crackhead i was going to kick his ass if he came any closer to me. he kept asking me for a sandwich.

crackhead: hey man…you gotta sandwich? gimme a sandwich, man.
me: i'm in jail, motherfucker. where the hell am i gonna get a sandwich? do you think i stuffed a sandwich up my ass, just to give it to you?

high society, i tell ya. remember: everyone in jail is innocent. no one that's there deserves to be there. "go out and catch a real criminal, man…i was just beating up my girlfriend."

other than that, i've been purposefully taking it easy. i got all my license shit straightened out (at a great cost to me…i'm now totally broke) and now i'm totally street legal. i got my car out of impound thursday morning (did i mention they impounded my poor little honda? well…consider it mentioned). the girl and i watched movies (akira kurosawa's yojimbo and lynch's blue velvet) with some friends friday night and then headed out to check the new coen brothers flick last night. all movies rated high on the "brian likes these movies" scale, with the coen brothers flick having an even weirder ending than is usual for them. highly recommended. the lighting is amazing.

and now i'm at work. i was late because the cops have 64 closed down for some weirdass reason, this morning. i guess it all comes full circle: me, my mocha, and the boys in blue.

last night was a fun evening of sampling the new sushi place around the corner from my house. i didn't really have sushi (i don't "do" sushi), but i did have some pretty kickass chicken fried rice. i'd chance to say that sapporo is the first place that can hold a flame to the kim's chicken fried rice. totally. i rolled up there to meet the girlfriend (that's a bizarre concept) and a friend of her's, then we went back to my place to wait on another friend. so we chilled, clyde (my cat) impressed everyone with her ability to be the cutest, most affectionate (not to mention most annoying) little creature that has ever walked the earth.

after the other friend finally arrived, we headed out to the back door (after we finished watching the first episode of twenty four, of course). a few beers were consumed, free cigarettes were scammed for one of the friends (i think she scored 8 packs between us all), and then the girl and i headed back to my place so i could drive her home. it ended up being an early night (despite the appearance at the bar), so i crawled into bed and read until i fell asleep.

i tell you what…if the fucked up dreams i had last night were any indication of what it's like to get a normal amount of sleep, the standard 8 hours, count me the fuck out. dreams of possessed houses lived in by demonic little milk cartons (the little cardboard quart things like they gave you in grade school), people named dgdg (pronounced dog-dog) that were total homicidal maniacs, cornfields in the wilds of kentucky, dirt roads, an suv and a handgun, body thieves (think possession, pod people shit), and loads of other shit. at least one of the last things i remember is kicking the car door into dgdg's crazy face as he tried to drag me out of the vehicle. that's when i discovered the handgun and put most of the clip into his crazy grille, as well. hard earned dream victory for me, huh? at that point i woke up, headed to the bathroom, and decided that sleep is for kids.

and yeah…i went back to sleep and dreamt of driving off cliffs and living. great. i can't win.

today they're having a bake sale here at work. some joker brought in krispy kreme doughnuts. that's almost as entertaining as the idiot that brought in fat free twinkies. way to go, champs.

man or astroman? is playing tonight. i don't know if i'm heading to that, or not. i'm currently weighing that against "quiet evening at home." should be a fun contest. tomorrow night may end up being euchre night. damn straight. that i can't wait for…

from ben: a video for the dead milkmen song "the thing that only eats hippies." undisputable proof that they were one of the best bands ever. viva la milkmen! oh yeah…check out that run tdm part…classic.

i skipped the coffee and went with tea, this morning. i have now discovered that iced tea is one of the worst things you could possibly drink directly after brushing your teeth. it was (how you say?) not a good thing.

note to self: stick with the coffee in the mornings. decaffeinated tea does nothing for you, anyway.

i swear i was going to listen to some black sabbath on the way into work, this morning. i swear. it's just that, well…that promise ring cd rolled right over to the beginning as soon as i turned the car on. you know…those first couple of tracks on very emergency are catchy as all hell. i think that my leaving the cd in the player was a forgivable morning action. back the fuck off me, junior!

"through life experience, i've determined that charlton heston will be the last human left on earth. that is why, children, i have named you all charlton heston. let's face facts…it improves your chances of survival."

matt still hasn't posted his seven questions with me. i have it on good authority that he'll be doing so later today. on the "definitely soon" tip.

what the hell did i do last night? shit…nothing, i don't think. sat at work, sat at home and played guitar. scott came over and we sat on the couch and played video games. talk about an exciting fucking life. oh well…ash will be getting his chance to answer the same seven questions asked of him (but answered by his girlfriend, erin) later today.

i am as of now canceling my plans to go to the open casting call to be on the real world. it happens to fall on this coming weekend and, honestly, i'm kinda broke. it's also the weekend we need to start moving jess out and scott in to the bipolar "crib." yeah…mtv will be over in no time, i tell ya… regardless, there will be other open calls. especially ones i have more time to prepare for.

as a side note, jess made the comment that i could "totally" be on the real world. she said i'd be the reason everyone watched, just to see who i'd piss off on a week-to-week basis. curses! she has discovered the master plan!

looks like ash's girlfriend really got into the spirit of seven questions and fired seven of 'em right back at me. she was thinking on her feet, if anything. you can check the results over at toast and tea.

matt (the other side of bipolar, fools) has also finished his (official and eagerly anticipated) seven questions with me and will posting them real soon-like.

why people care to know these various things about me, i'll never know.

when i was sitting down to eat lunch, i realized i hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours. oops. i need to make a note to eat next time, i guess. i never really got hungry last night, and i have a nasty habit of skipping breakfast. maybe i need to work on that.

regardless, lunch was delicious. i rolled up into the mall to eat my favorite greasy chicken sandwich from the steak escape (grilled chicken, swiss, provolone, and sauteed mushrooms). i rolled around the mall, checking out some release dates on some games i've been waiting on (exciting, huh?). all in all, a relaxing, rather uneventful lunch. i guess you can't ask for much more than that, huh?

working on a new seven questions…

last night i forgot that i made plans to go play euchre with some friends and went ahead and made plans for a movie night at home with the girl. i was feeling like a flake until i called the friends and no one was home, anyway. they never called back, so i was off on a technicality.

"ladies and gentlemen of the jury…this man has committed no crime! set him free!"

so it goes without saying that i've been listening to a lot of pink floyd, lately (and no i'm not smoking a lot of pot, smartasses). it's fall, and the music just seems to really fit that morning drive into work. a total feeling of disconnection. waking up on the road. it seems like that's how i spent the majority of my summer, actually. not that i'm really complaining. i did a lot more travelling over the last year than i ever really have, i'd say. it was a nice change of pace. there's a certain freedom in driving down a strip of highway to whatever destination you have picked out on a whim. i highly recommend it to everyone.

i reviewed two more records for 75 or less: of asaph – "…what a wonderful day it was" and rmsn – "carrier." enjoy.

i'm kinda disappointed that i missed euchre night. maybe we can reschedule or something. that would be swell.

i feel really uninteresting today. maybe more later.

just a quick note:

i've posted an unreleased of asaph track over at transmission3000. if you're into don cabalerro and the like, definitely check them out. i'll be posting their entire "…what a wonderful day it was" ep (now completely out of print) soon. keep your eyes peeled.

i was slightly let down by the absence of the cool hippie dude with the funny pants, this morning. he wasn't slinging the java (as they say) at the heine, so i was stuck and couldn't get the "thundermocha." it's kinda hard to explain the hard mechanics of a drink like that to people who can barely comprehend that i don't want whipped cream on my drink. better luck next time, champ.

i went out to see the maekates, second story man, and the grand prize last night at the rud. the maekates (my first time seeing them) rocked the house in a good indie-pop way. i'm really anxious to get a copy of their demo cd. second story man blew the roof off the place, though. they played a few new tracks, one of which was called "no pioneers" (carrie, correct me if i'm wrong) which had the most amazing harmonies. carrie and kelly really rocked it out. they had a tight, packed in crowd, and it looked like they were more at ease than the last few times i've seen them. they really relaxed and kicked out the jams. "no pioneers" should be on their new record, so when it hits, you better believe i'll be picking it up. it seems like the crowd thinned out by the time the grand prize took the stage (it was getting late), but they lit up the stage, nonetheless. i'm starting to think that maybe the louisville scene isn't as dead as i thought it was. or maybe it was just the beer.

monsters inc. was a really fun movie. not at all what i expected it to be. i was really amazed at how far computer animation has come, really. the monsters seriously just started looking like exquisitely detailed muppets, or something. you completely lose the feeling that you're watching some computer generated movie, at points. the episode 2 teaser did it's job well…a montage of various scenes, fading in and out to black, with the only sound being vader's breathing from the original trilogy. of course…seeing this and the crowd's reaction…i still can't figure out why people applaud at the movies. slightly ridiculous, i guess. "great job, projectionist! great fucking movie!"

thanks to jack for religiously linking to his "seven questions." his readers kinda commandeered the comments for that post, but it's still been a lot of fun. he answered some viewer mail about it, this week, complete with some funny comments. you should check it out. you can also keep your eyes peeled for a new "seven questions" with a whole new victim, sometime today or tomorrow.

i wish i had a patented sunday morning rant for you, i really do. but…i'm oddly content, lately. it's a nice feeling. you should try it, sometime. maybe the sky will fall later and i'll get pissed about it.