sometimes you're faced with a decision. sometimes you wonder if you have nothing to say or you just don't know how to say it. they both add up to about the same thing: saying nothing.

there's been a few things on my back burner for a while, now. i guess i'll go ahead and try to make sense of them here.

i had a huge disagreement with a friend, the other night. this is the person i consider my best friend. needless to say, this disagreement isn't sitting well with me. this person and i used to be about as close as two individuals can be, we hung out all the time and had more adventures and misadventures than anyone really has any rights to. then he went away for two years on a trip that i didn't wholly agree with. that's all fine and dandy, i guess. i got over it. no big deal. he's back now, right? well…maybe it's not so fine and dandy, anymore. i've noticed subtle shifts in both of our personalities since he's been back that seem to have been lending themselves to bigger and bigger disagreements over the past few months.

my very biased position: he seems to know what's best for me, even if i don't agree. his opinion should matter the world to me, in his eyes, and i should follow some of his advice to the letter. when we get into arguments, when i go to stand up for myself, i'm being "defensive." well…you're damn right i'm being defensive. you attack me, my feelings, or my thought process…you better expect me to defend myself. it's natural, right?

i guess the point of this is…we've both changed more than we really care to admit, over the past two years. some things have changed for the better, some for the worst. both of us have had a very eventful couple of years that are obviously showing their impact. the real question of the matter is whether or not we'll both be able to recognize this fact and work through it before it's too late.

and yeah…then you have your standard girl problems. but i tell ya what…my girl problems tend to be fairly non-standard.

oh well…time to regroup. time to gather the thoughts and hope things work out the way i want them to…on all fronts.

happy 4th of july. after reading greg's page, i was instantly reminded of how much i love adbusters. i ran across this article, which should prove very informative for any parent or parent-to-be. since i eventually want to raise children of my own, i found it to be quite informative, especially since i can tend to be a bit hyper, myself, and i'm sure to pass that on to my kids.

speaking of kids…this is the coolest thing i've seen in ages. mike…i'm afraid i'm going to rip your idea off mercilessly, someday.

i am sitting at work, making close to $30 an hour, which to some of you highly paid bigwigs out there really doesn't amount to shit, i guess. it's a lot to me, however. as a matter of fact, i skipped lunch just to make an extra 30 bones for doing nothing.

suck it, trebek.

anyone out there living in the new york city area? need a roommate? got any leads on cheap housing? want to give me a job? …

back to the non-grinding grind…

today must be my lucky day, i tell ya. i have bought exactly two (2) cokes today. both of them have had winning caps on them. i left work for lunch to go have a phone conversation with that someone special who is spending a week in new york city (that same someone who didn't get her package on time. grrrr…). i ended up having quite the extended lunch, but no one seemed to notice. of course…i'm testing my luck, right now, by hoping that no one in the office is reading this here webpage and doesn't rat me out. now that…that would suck.

we have had some incredibly bad server problems over the past couple of days. loading bipolar has been damn near impossible (unless you got a spare 10 minutes for a webpage to load…i sure don't), and that's when the server hasn't gone down completely.

i would like to take this opportunity to point a finger at our hosting service and ask a question:

are you run by monkeys? just like the us postal service? do you know your ass from a hole in the ground? what kind of webhosting spends at least one day out of every fucking week down?

sick, i tell ya…sick.

when some of the taller, clean-cut guys around here wear white shirts and dark ties…i think the mormons are running around the office. especially when they're standing around in pairs. no slight to guy, of course.

package update:

You entered ET128715552US
Your item was delivered at 11:23 am on July 3 in ATLANTA GA 30309.

they call that express? the fucking thing was supposed to be there sunday. how the hell is it going to get there sunday, if it just got into atlanta on tuesday? i'm going down tomorrow and getting a damn refund. $16, my ass. bob will have his package before this one finally gets to it's destination. and i only paid $3.50 to ship his… sorry sacks of shit.

morals to the stories? don't use $9.95 a month webhosting and don't ever, ever trust the post office to get something there on time.

regardless…i'm still in a great mood. funny how that happens, huh?

package update:

Your item was processed at the LOUISVILLE KY 40221 distribution center at 9:01 am on July 2 while enroute to its delivery destination.

Here is what happened earlier:
June 30 12:05 pm ACCEPT OR PICKUP LOUISVILLE KY 40205

excuse me…but when they said "guaranteed delivery by 3pm sunday," i figured that it might have left town sometime before today. that is, of course, unless they are shooting it back in fucking time.

so the answer to my question: hell no the package didn't get there on time. it didn't even get there before she left. what kind of monkey squad do they have running the fucking usps, these days?

god damn monkeys, i tell ya…they don't know their asses from a hole in the ground…

she's on a plane, somewhere in the sky, flying to the biggest of cities. of all the crazed thoughts that have been running through my head about this situation, all week, it's pleasant that i only have one sitting on my shoulders right now:

did the package make it in time?

oh, bother…

i am officially mad at the u.s. postal service. i sent out a package on saturday, around noon. i paid $16 to get it shipped to it's destination by 3pm the next day. they gave me a "guaranteed by 3pm sunday." i went through all of this trouble because the addressee is leaving town today. very soon-like. as a matter of fact, said person is leaving an hour from now (as i type this). at last contact (with the person and the post office) the package in question still has not arrived. so basically, the package will end up sitting outside her door for a week, instead of the contents being able to go on her trip with her.

drat to the post office, i say. i can assure you i will be trudging down to the post office on my lunch break to receive a refund for the shoddy service i have been given. color me huffy, to say the least.

other than all of that hoo-ha, my day is going fine.

new annoyance: this fucker who sits next to me, here at work. i thought the surf ninja was bad…what have i gotten myself into? this new guy does the same nosy shit that the surf ninja was guilty of, but he takes it a step further, saying things like "are you writing a bible over there?" and "is your novel almost finished, over there?" i swear to god i want to kill him. he also has a tendency to tell ridiculous stories that i couldn't give two shits about. all day long. he related some asanine story about his sister and some coins that he was going to sell, and then asked me to get outraged at his sister. all of this while completely ignoring that whole "personal space" rule that we, as humans, hold so dear to our hearts. he's also one of those guys that thinks he's the best there is at whatever needs to be done, but he's always asking the most ridiculous questions i've ever heard. for now and ever more, he will be labeled "the goon."

yeah, yeah…quit breathin' down my neck, chief.

sunday morning. i finally ended my coffee embargo, this morning. let me tell you how rejuvenated i feel…

boy, do i feel rejuvenated.

anyhowways…

i had a good day, yesterday. i went out with jess for a spot of lunch and some early afternoon shopping. i ended up getting a new shirt, which is kinda warranted. someone has been bugging me to get some new shirts, anyhow. consider one purchased. we ate at steak escape, which is always yummy. if anything, jess and i have an interesting relationship. it's really odd to sit and talk with an ex-girlfriend about your current girl woes, but jess has unique insight into the situation, knowing how i react to certain things.

later that afternoon, i rolled out to see scott while he was at work, taking a cd in for him to hear a couple of tracks off of. i also showed him the joycam results from the other night, which he seemed to think turned out pretty nice. scott was stuck in backstock hell for the rest of the evening, with his store preparing for inventory, so i let him get back to his working.

i spent the rest of the evening sitting around the house, eating ice cream and reading. every day, i praise my high metabolism for allowing me to eat whatever i want, whenever i want, with no weight gain worries hovering over my head. this will, of course, all catch up to me in a few short years, i'm sure. jess has already made numerous references to me slowly developing a "beer gut." i beg to differ…

a new car on the horizon, late night phone calls, pleasant greetings and goodnights…what more can i ask for, really? i think it's time to just lay back and enjoy the ride for a while…

so now that i've been sitting here thinking about a five year loan all day, i've got my head spinning in all kinds of strange, non-money thoughts.

where will i be in five years? my car will then be nine years old. i can't really think of what i was doing five years ago. i think i was dating a girl that didn't treat me well. it was right before my big defining two year relationship, and it was generally a bad time. i lived in an apartment with some friends. it seemed like a good idea at the time, but turned out to be a disaster.

that's where i was. where will i be? i recently met a girl who has really changed my perspective on a lot of things in life. things were going beautifully, for a little while, but extenuating circumstances soon seemed to tackle the whole thing, mid-stride. it seems like an immense loss to me. things were great and now they're non-existent. she's concerned with salvaging a friendship. i'm still wondering where i went wrong.

i honestly liked the girl. a lot. she's moving. things are just a big mixed up bag of confusion, for me. i know she'll read this and say "what is he so confused about?" but i can't help it, really. this is the exact opposite direction than from where i thought this was headed.

so how do you follow up what you conceived as your dream girl? do you wait and see if she ever comes around? do you just give up and go back into the game and settle for less than what you know you really want? i can't really say, at this point. i know that i'm not a quitter. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, really.

and i'll be damned if i haven't been sucked into this real world marathon. i must be incredibly bored. it's the only answer.

yeah…that's the ticket…boredom…

this is being written (typed) by a happy man. the loan went through. i am getting a new car. well…new to me. i will soon be the proud owner of a black 1997 honda civic ex. 5-speed, of course. don't want no more of this automatic shite. consider me a happy, happy guy.

other than that, this weekend has been fairly uneventful. i spent most of yesterday taking care of the loan business and taking my grandmother out to lunch. it was a nice change of pace.

i went out to see a band called grand prize play last night. really good stuff. expect some snaps to show up here soon. soon meaning…when i stop sitting on my duff doing nothing and actually get to work on it. maybe i'll get on that after lunch.

trip to the post office. bob…i don't know why you have so much trouble. the people at my post office are as nice as can be. one priority mail package to chicago, one express mail package to atlanta. thank you very much. have a nice day.

maybe i just know how to handle 'em, huh?

i am not going out tonight. that way i can focus on having a good evening, for once.

okay…how bad is brian's credit? really now? bad enough to where they won't even let me have a cell phone without some insane deposit. who knew that fucking around with your finances when you hot 18 would come back to haunt you?

damn it.

so there you have it, what i did all day. i went to lunch with matt. i went to pick up the life-giving scrap of paper (known as the paycheck) and deposited in the bank. i got rejected for the previously mentioned cell phone. i grow the days exciting, around these parts.

i guess i could get to work on the joycam project. i mean…hey, bob…that's how you do a coming soon page, pal. let that be a lesson to ya.

i think i'll take the easy way out and say "i'll write more when i actually have something to say."