happy armed forces day.

(not that i'm armed or a force, but it said it was armed forces day on my little far side desk calendar, so i figured it might be important to someone out there. otherwise they wouldn't put it on the calendar, right?)

yesterday was a pretty good day. i didn't really do much, but it was a good day. guy called in the early afternoon and we headed over to see scott at work. then he and i headed over to fazoli's to get some grub (love them breadsticks). i think i saw the fazoli's girl working in the kitchen. i'd have to say she was looking decidedly not nearly as good as the last time. not nearly. paul…take note. i'd also like to point out that for the first time in a long while, we actually got good breadstick service. the manager himself came out and hooked us up. i give them a "b" for this visit. with the fazoli's girl being a major let-down.

guy headed out to band practice and i sat around the house reading for most of the evening. scott called when he was leaving work and we decided a little trip to the record store was in order. guy called before scott got here and decided to meet us there. i picked up a cd by the rapture. it's one of those insound tour support things, and it's pretty good, from what i've had a chance to listen to. we then decided to go back to the house and watch the princess bride dvd that sharon sent me for my birthday. jackie and jesse came over, making it an impromptu little movie night.

and yesterday i finally finished a new mix cd. here's the track listing…

in the throes…
shellac – prayer to god
jawbox – the big shave
hot snakes – salton city
deftones – the boys republic
metroschifter – branson
alkaline trio – stupid kid
jawbreaker – sluttering (may 4th)
braid – circus of the stars
superchunk – revelations
weezer – the good life
radiohead – i might be wrong
kerosene 454 – worthington
nirvana – frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle
pj harvey – kamikaze
texas is the reason – back and to the left
bluetip – if i ever sleep again
sunspring – revolving door (turbo)
small brown bike – my own disaster
rocket from the crypt – drop out
crain – hey cops!
the breeders – happiness is a warm gun

the preview release of internet explorer 6 can't set a cookie for shit. just thought i'd let you know.

and now it's time for some hot, juicy, buttery…cinnabon action.

today started innocently enough. i got up, checked the email, saw a note that said jesse had called a few minutes prior (either someone was on the phone or i was sleepin' pretty deeply). i called jesse back and he said that they'd be over after they get his hair cut. so i got dressed and sat around, waiting for them to get here.

i called sarah for her birthday. i may have already mentioned this. she said she didn't know whether she was gonna drink to celebrate her 21st birthday, or not, but i told her to buy a beer and hold it to look cool, if nothing else. heh. she's going out to a couple of shows tonight, so i hope she has fun.

the pizza was good, bob, you should try wick's the next time you're in louisville. like that happens often enough. i'm not singing any tonight, so i think i'll be all right.

speaking of hey mercedes, we're thinking of trucking up to the windy city in july to catch them at the house of blues with those get up kids. hopefully we can get in…

so i was browsing through shawn scallen's site, when i happened upon this awesome photo and dissertation on crain. this made me immediately search the house for my copy of heater, which i still can't find. damn it… you can check out an mp3 of crain here. crain is one of those classic louisville bands that we just kind of took for granted. crain, rodan, the telephone man…it happened. now we miss them like crazy, now that they're gone. it seems like i've been in a very nostalgic mood with my music, lately…i've been listening to the second metroschifter cd (fort saint metroschifter, what i consider their best album) since last night when i kidnapped it from guy's apartment. i only have it on vinyl and my record player hasn't worked since i punched it. add this up with jawbreaker's dear you, and i'm living in 1995, kids…

time to go do something else with my day…

today i'm going out for pizza with jesse, jackie, and little joon. i think we're gonna hit up wicks, which should be fun. i've been informed that joon loves her some pizza. i'm currently sitting around the house, waiting on them to get jesse's hair cut, and then they'll be over.

i hooked up with scott after work last night. we sat around, he burned a copy of the new weezer cd to see if he likes it (the riaa is gonna come get me!). we sat around there for a little while, shooting the shit, and then we decided to go to guy's house. proposed call to guy's house that scott fucked up: "guy..we're thinking of going out for a while. we're coming over there." the secret was, as soon as guy said anything…hang up. he botched it. damn the scott.

we went over to guy's and sat around (starting to sound like brad's page, huh?), playing guitar and listening to unwound and what-not. guy and i got hungry, so he whipped up some spaghetti and we ate that. we ended up sitting around the kitchen table talking for a long while. we talked about how, a few summers ago, we all hung out almost every day at my old apartment. i miss that old place, even though it was a shithole. at least i had fun while i lived there. we all have jobs now, so we hardly get to hang out any more. we're starting to pick up the pace a little, though. we're hoping to have more fun this summer, now that guy is back.

i just got off the phone with sarah. it's her birthday, so everyone head over there and wish her a happy one. seriously. do it or i'll be pissed. i need to get out to the post office and send her her gift back. it somehow got returned to me…

i heard a story today about a captive lobster that had 600,000 babies. it's gotta be a bitch to feed all of 'em.

i went out to dinner tonight with my friend jesse and his wife jackie. i've known jackie for about three or four years now, i'd say. i always thought she was a really cool girl. i've been talking to jesse about playing in a band with scott and me. he seems open to the idea. we had a good dinner at that bastion of good suburban taste: applebee's.

the meat of this story involves jesse and jackie's amazingly cute daughter joon. she's still a little tyke, barely a toddler, but she's just the cutest thing ever. i just hung out across the table from her, chatting with someone with an obvious language barrier. she'd smile at me, i'd give her a big thumbs up. i seemed to entertain her. that may be an easy thing to do with a one year-old…i'm not sure.

so i sat at the table and i realized that jackie and jesse are both a few years younger than me. a happy, married couple. i mean…she still brings him lunch every day. they're an amazing couple with an amazingly beautiful child. here i am, 25, freshly dumped by a girl that lives 1000 miles away. no real future outlook. aside from our mutual tastes in music and a common workplace, my life and jesse's are almost complete opposites. i don't envy him as much as respect him, if that makes sense.

i know that some day i want a little kid of my own to spoil. someone to share all of this with. i don't think i want to be married tomorrow, but i know that someday i want to be with that girl. my biggest problem right now is that, up until a few weeks ago, i thought that i had found that very girl. i'm slowly realizing how wrong i was and it's a huge downer. i'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that all of these deep connections i had with this girl may now amount to nothing. i'm constantly reaching out to her for some kind of emotion and i just get the door slammed back in my face.

i feel like some stupid, broken-hearted robot who's set on "self-destruct."

then again, right now, somehow, you're making me smile.

[note: blogger is being incredibly fucked up, so i haven't really been able to get these posted. the following two posts are new, and now the post from friday is somehow showing up as posted on the 13th, as well. ignore these things and enjoy.]

sunday morning at work. where did my weekend go? sipping on my mocha, trying to stay alive ("alive" is loosely translated to "awake" in brian-ese, this morning). matt was still awake when i left the house. i asked him if he wanted to go ahead and go to work for me. he declined. rat bastard.

last night i got tired of sitting around the house, so i called guy up under the pretense of going out to catch a movie. he mentioned a possible party later that evening. we ended up going out to grab something to eat at tumbleweed and then headed over to the record store for a while. after we realized scott should be off work, we headed back to guy's place to give him and connor a call to see if they were up for swinging over to the previously mentioned party. scott declined, connor was down. after picking up connor, we headed back to the record store so he could pick up something they were holding for him and then it was off to the party.

we showed up on the scene of a slightly less than "bumpin'" party and proceeded to sit on the couch, sipping soft drinks. we then found out it was my friend dave's 30th (!) birthday party, which made it a definite occasion to drink. connor was more than happy to help celebrate, so we got the party started right, to say the least. a few friends showed up on the scene, and rowdiness proved to be the order of the day (night). we then proceeded to get thoroughly "saucy", with me realizing halfway through the evening that i was the one driving us home. i let my alcoholic fun come to a slow halt and spent the rest of the evening sobering up.

i ended up running into about a million people i hadn't seen in 6 or 7 years, which was kind of odd. it seems the ghosts follow me around everywhere (according to drew). it was nice seeing everyone, but i always feel uncomfortable around people i haven't seen in a long while. like maybe i was never a good friend or something. it's probably just me.

at some point i walked drunkenly up to a random cute girl and said "would you like to be my future ex-girlfriend?" she just gave me a funny look and walked away. man…i'm mr. smooth.

i had never really hung out with connor, mostly thinking he thought i was a dumbass. we ended up getting along quite well, and the high point of the evening involved sitting in the kitchen while connor told everyone in the room (at one point or another) that either he or they were a jackass. he wasn't choosy. connor's quest for whiskey was really something to behold. it was a fun time, and i think we all did what we set out to do: make asses of ouselves. mission accomplished.

oh, and jay…it ended up being one of those louisville parties that i know you miss so much. everyone and their brother busting up on the scene. crazy drunken dance party. we missed ya, pal.

when we started realizing how late it was, my dawning realization that i had to be up for work in 5 hours came crashing down on my newly sober head. we rounded up our three man rolling destruction unit and headed out the door. i ended up getting everyone (including myself) home safely. guy was glad i actually got out, and i realized i had a highly enjoyable evening. maybe i won't spend my summer wallowing in a shit-pit of my own misery, after all.

interesting note: i got home and was checking email before diving into bed, and both guy and connor were online, proving that we're all too incomprehensibly nerdy for words.

"the party's not over, man…it just moved online."

i never got to say goodbye. i called her today to talk. just to talk. i didn't want us to stop communicating totally. i've had too many people drop me like a stone to want to do it again. i did most of the talking. i told her i had some shit of my own to figure out first, but i wanted us to still talk. she eventually agreed to not close the door between us. i don't know if she's just saying that and she'll just eventually avoid me or not, but at least, on the surface, the bridge isn't burned. there's not much of a bridge left after the axis powers bombed it to hell, but it wasn't burned. small consolation.

i know most of you are out there singing sting songs in my general direction…"set them free…" well…sorry. this is a big ol' albatross that i just can't shake.

i went out and bought the new burning airlines cd today. it's pretty damn good, to say the least. it's currently shooting it out with the new unwound for the title of "cd i will listen to like crazy in the car."

matt added the blogcomments thing that he mentioned a few days back. we've been toying around with it. just think…it's like a big unholy pta meeting…everyone gets their say.

sitting at my own computer in my own apartment. i'm home and it feels good. i wish i could say i had an amazing time while i was out east, but at least i can say i had fun hanging out with jack and katie. they are incredibly good friends that i don't see often enough, at all. boston is a very cool town that i was glad i got to see.

we went and saw memento yesterday before we headed out to the airport. that movie is seriously fucked up. i had certain reasons why i was especially fucked up by it, but beyond that it was intense. i recommend it to anyone who has been thinking of seeing it.

airport. she didn't show up to see me off. i knew she wouldn't, but i couldn't help hoping she might. someone recently assured me that airport scenes are the worst, anyway…but it wasn't like that for me. i just wanted her to show up. i wanted to see that she does care. i wanted, more than anything, to not have the last i saw of her be her silhouette through her car window as she drove away. i wanted to say goodbye. and it looks like i'll never get that chance.

well…you win some, you lose some. actually, for me it should be "you lose some, you lose some more."

so i sat in the cafeteria for about a half hour trying to spot sarah on oprah…no luck. of course, i didn't have the slightest idea of what i was looking for (vague physical descriptions don't really cut the mustard), so that could have been part of the problem. she did hit me up on the ol' aim, though. sweet girl, that sarah.

this morning when i came into work, this place was a meat locker. it has now gotten incredibly hot, not unlike an oven. the temperature is starting to decrease, though. my assumption is that someone decided it would be funny to turn the air conditioning off and utilize the heater, instead. what a joker! somebody will die for this…

a big shout out to mark from hey mercedes. i was gonna email you earlier, brutha, but you mentioned not being able to check it. i'm toughin' it out, man. i'm actually wearing my coalesce jacket. . and get "that's right, i said it" and "let's go blue" done and send me a frickin' tape. i mean it.

i'm trying to avoid work as the rest of my last day before vacation winds down. vacation is hardly a word i would use to describe tomorrow. i think that'll be more work than i ever have to deal with in this place…

i just found out that i will be seeing both the promise ring and the movielife while i'm in boston. at least the rock won't stop flowing.

first off…if blogger eats another god damn post tonight, i'm gonna have to get hostile.

the long and short of it:

i left work last night to meet up with guy and scott at a show. they were outside waiting for me when i showed up, and guy ended up going back in to catch the last band. rather than pay $5 for one band, scott and i head down to the photo lab to work on some pictures from the fugazi show a couple of weeks ago. we ended up spending most of the night in there, printing photos and listening to the shipping news way too much. we called guy at about 1am to see if he wanted to meet up with us and possibly go get some grub. after guy showed up, we printed a few more shots and packed up to head out. we ended up at denny's to get a post-midnight meal. it was the only thing i had eaten all day (aside from that tiny bag of pretzels and two bites of carrot cake), so i devoured mine fairly quickly. after that, we settled up and headed for the homesteads.

i got home at around 3:30 last night, and that's when i discovered the previously mentioned package from molly. once again, a thousand thanks go out to her for her stellar choice in gifts.

oh yeah…those fugazi pics turned out awesome. keep an eye on transmission3000 for a peek at 'em.

i'm going to bed.

this morning i did the most retarded thing i could possibly imagine…i called her. i didn't talk to her for long, but i somehow convinced her to meet me at the airport before i head down to boston. that was fine and dandy until the following exchange happened:

her: "i can only stay until 4."
me: why?
her: "i'm going to plymouth."
me: to see him?
her: "yes."
:::insert sound of a heart being broken into a million pieces and then set on fire:::

yes, indeedy…it'll be a wonderful day.

one good thing about today, i made quick friends with jay. he and i have been bonding over women and what insane, evil creatures they can be. notice i said "can be." jay and i have officially renamed "him" to "Little Bastard Boy #3." yes sir…it's official. my hate machine is in full gear. to quote the jay: women are "the iranian terrorists of the airline of love."

well said.