wow. how about that new design, huh? i've been itching to let the world see this one from the moment it hit our inbox. jessie really outdid herself. it's amazing that this entry came all the way out of hong kong, land of superior action cinema. and also land of very cute girls, if jessie is any indication. important fact: jessie's native language is cantonese. just thought i'd kick a little science.

i've been running about all day, taking care of some outstanding bills that have been laying around. i happened to get all of my taxes back, as well as a bonus from work, all in the past week. and i get paid on friday. needless to say, i've had a ridiculous amount of money to burn lately. ridiculous for me, anyway. while i was out, rolling around, i was thinking of how much my life has changed in the past year. i'm making way more money and, in turn, have finally gotten ahold of my finances. i used to go out and buy big ticket items when i didn't have near enough money to spare for them. now, i refuse to buy those items, even though i have the money. complete 180, i'd say. other "hmm" factor of the day: i've been living in this house (and sharing living quarters with matt) for almost a year now. bipolar itself has been around for just about as long. it really doesn't seem like that much time has passed, but you know what the say about the passage of time when you're chronically depressed and unhappy with your job…

another comparison between this time last year and now: this time a year ago, jess (another current roommate, not to be confused with jessie) and i were ending our short relationship. i say we were ending it, but to tell the truth, folks…she dumped me. i can see now, a year removed, that this was a good thing. we didn't get along in that capacity, and we were both as miserable as we were happy. we're now better friends than we've ever been, and we're going up to see weezer together this weekend. everything worked out in the end. now? i'm hopelessly in love. there are a million things i can say about this girl, about 999,999 of which i'm sure you don't want to hear. for the record, the feeling is amazingly mutual and we're both really happy. i won't bother you with it any more than necessary…

the sinus infection seems to be lingering around more than necessary. it's definitely on the downswing, but it's still a bitch to wake up every morning with about six pounds of shit in the back of your throat. not actual shit, mind you, but you get the picture…

now back to your regularly scheduled infrequently updated weblog…

to sum up my trip to new hampshire in mere words…it's an impossible task. aside from the joy of seeing jack and visiting my very first newbury comics, i met the most amazing girl imaginable. i can't really wrap that whole experience in text. just trust me when i say i was stricken to my core and all of the usual other associated bullshit.

it's a good thing.

bad thing: i'm sick. i have a sinus infection that is currently kicking my ass all over town. not fun.

good thing: new hampshire has no sales tax. i finally picked up moby's animal rights disc, as well as the blues explosion disc that i never had on cd, "now i got worry." i also picked up the tool dvd for paul. he's been talking about wanting it for a while, so i decided "it's on sale and there's no tax!" always a wise decision. after watching it, i've come upon a startling revelation: tool has really cool videos.

the above was a joke. well…in the sense that it might be considered a revelation. tool does make neat videos. but we've all known that forever, right?

i'm gonna quit while i'm way behind…

a day late and probably more than a dollar short: the winner of the "redesign bipolar before we do" contest is…jessie hung from scenic hong kong (no shit!). you'll be able to see the winning entry up here soon, we're just gonna iron out the needed css and javascript issues. all of the entries were awesome, but this one really stood out. keep your eyes open.

i've been listening to lot's of weezer lately. mainly because i'll be venturing back up to the windy city to see them the weekend of march the 9th. i guess i'm just getting into that frame of mind, right? best part about this whole renewed weezer kick? my renewed vigor for the awesome weezer offshoot, the rentals. seriously good stuff.

so i have a million things to do before my trip tomorrow. considering my plane leaves at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow, i better get packin'…

wow. i wrote a pretty sizeable post earlier, only to have it eaten by the beast which is blogger. it's okay, though. it probably wasn't that good anyway.

i'm almost done with a work day that's felt a lot longer than it has any business to. i only got about 3 hours of sleep last night, after talking to guy for the majority of the night. guy and i have had quite a few issues that have apparently gone unaddressed since he's been back, and it was nice to get most of it out in the clear. i wish it just could have happened a little earlier in the day…

so i'm flying out to the north east next week. i'll be seeing my good friend jack, which is always a bonus. i've got a few other things percolatin', but nothing i think i'll bring up just yet. big developments, to say the least. stay tuned for the good dirt.

on that note, i'll probably not post too much next week. i'll be too busy seeing new cities and such. i'll be wide eyed, asking about that whole "tea party" thing, buying records at completely new record stores…all the important stuff.

and this post is really starting to suck. lame lame lame. adieu.

so after a night of moderate drinking and a late night, half-drunk visit to twig and leaf, where i sampled my first hot brown…i finally went to sleep. and then i woke up. sounds exciting, huh?

i got up and wandered around sleepy-eyed until i called paul for our usually late saturday lunch. it was officially, as paul dubbed it, "cute teenage girl day" at the mall. we opted to go there for our favorite greasy sandwich depot, the steak escape. paul and i then decided that the "big pimpin'" portion of the day was now complete…now into the "big chiefin'" stage…

the contest is officially over. expect a winner to be declared soon.

gotta go. more chiefin' to do.

ouch. this is officially two days without a post. i can't believe i didn't even say hi. what a bastard i am. oh well…get over it.

twice now i have turned down a return visit to fazoli's to gaze upon the aforementioned beauty from a few days ago. yep. opted out. not interested anymore. got bigger fish to fry. what does any of this mean?

it means that my job starts to feel like it is actually removing the life from my body. minute by minute, i'm dying in that hole. i took lunch way too early today, forcing me to sit through a huge eight hour stretch of the day with very little break time. this is not what we would refer to as a "good thing." hells no. this is, as they say, simply hell. i ended up bailing out of work a half hour early just because i couldn't stand being there another minute. i grabbed a coke out of the machine and trucked it home.

the house was empty when i got here. matt and brax were at band practice, and jess was nowhere to be found. this only became an issue when someone actually called for her. i know she's going out of town this weekend, but i don't have a clue when. things like that tend to happen around here. i can't say i don't enjoy having the house all to myself for a little while. it's peaceful. until i start blasting music.

so here it is, late as hell. the music is off and everyone is in bed but me. i've still got some email to write, but after that i'm thinking i'll head off to sleep, myself.

have a good night.

it's official…we've got some seriously good entries coming in for the contest. we've just received our first international entry, so everyone here on the home soil better get macking on this thing. enter, you fools!

i didn't do much yesterday. i worked. i left work. i ate some kickass spring rolls with jess. the crazy thing about me and jess is that we dated. we dated for about six months. things didn't work out. probably mostly my fault. we all live together in the same apartment, and i'd have to say that there were some seriously uncomfortable times right off. but jess and i are now closer friends than we've ever been. we've even decided to keep the apartment for a while, just her and me, if matt and brax move in with paul. so i'd have to say that this is a first for me: a non-homicidal ex-girlfriend. things are looking up. hooray for me.

i think i hear some food calling my name…

so i went to work today. i slaved away. i sat there, working for the man. i ate lunch. i came back from lunch. then in the mid afternoon…

i found out a guy i know killed himself. i had to find out in the coldest way possible, via aim. i'm not mad at guy for telling me, but i was quite shocked, and none of it seemed real at the time. my head was swimming. i was stuck in a rat box, trying to make sense of what was being told to me. i tried to remember the last time i saw him. amazingly enough, my antisocialism has kept me insulated to the fact this has happened. it happened exactly a week ago. and then i found out the hard part…

he killed himself in the exact manner, in the exact place that his girlfriend did a couple of years ago. i knew her from a long time ago. i used to work with her at a local bar and grill type restaurant. we were friendly. i thought she was cool.

and now they're both gone, wiped from the face of the earth by whatever forces motivate people to do things like this.

i don't think i have anything intelligent to say about this. i am completely at a loss.

we went out to eat at this fast-food italian place called fazolis tonight. while i was waiting in line, i was quite taken by this tallish girl with these amazing eyes and short, amazingly black hair. she happened to work there, so when we were getting ready to leave, i thought "hey…this may be my only chance to ever say something to this girl." so i plodded up to the counter, with full intentions of saying something. here's how the encounter went down:

Me: excuse me…
Her: yes?
Me: … (totally paralyzed by her beautiful eyes)
Her: yes?
Me: uhhh…do you think i could have some more breadsticks?

ABORT! ABORT! OUR MAN IS GOING DOWN IN FLAMES!

god damn it…i am so fucking stupid…i got lost in her eyes…

i did get the breadsticks, though.

after work. want to die. cold ones, guide me through. totally drained after what seems like an eternity of nothingness. i'm going to pass out and have an existential dream…

participate in the contest. you won't regret it.