it's late. too late for me to be up writing this post when i have to work tomorrow. i have a lot on my head right now and figure i'll spill it out here.

it seems that i'm in the middle of a rousing game of "a" against "b". it would seem that i'm stuck being "c", not knowing, truthfully, what the fuck is really going on. i'm about to "c" myself out of the whole situation. i know i should have a lot more faith in people, but when shit like this comes tumbling down on my head on a day like i've had…you tend to want to cut your losses, you know? maybe nipping things in the bud is the best thing that can happen for my situation right now. take a step back say "you may very well be right, but i think it needs to be like this for right now." that's understandable, right? i mean…shit…we're only human.

i've had so much shit lifted off of me over the past week. but true to form, i've had a whole new pile of shit dumped back on me. i'm in a position where i want to take control of my own life. tell everyone to fuck off, and get my own shit straight. i have to sort out my own baggage before i can handle someone else's. i don't think that's too much to ask from people. i've spent the better part of the last 10 years watching the world go by. wishing things would go the way i want them to. i think it's time to gain some measure of control, before the whole thing tumbles down the pot.

on a lighter note, we saw snatch last night and antitrust tonight. a two movie weekend is rare for me, but i think with everything that's been going on, i enjoyed the escape for a couple of hours. it was really needed.

snatch was nothing short of brilliant. it was amazingly written, amazingly shot, and funny as all hell. brad pitt turned in a really fucking phenomenal performance. he really stole the show, along with vinnie jones. it's highly recommended, and i'm sure it'll end up close to the top of my year-end list.

and then there's antitrust. i think i'll let matt's words stand: "that movie was a two hour pile of steaming shit." the only reason we decided to see it was that we had a couple of hours to kill and we all couldn't resist the allure of both rachael leigh cook and claire forlani. two great tastes that taste great together. aside from the beautiful ladies, the movie sucked a dog's ass. honestly. it was summed up by one of the climactic lines delivered by a certain mr. phillipe: "in the real world, you're fucked." as in…for paying to see this sack of crap.

and i swear that thing was funded by red hat…

yeah yeah…"in the real world people die…for real."

i'd like to issue a public apology to a certain someone who was apparently offended by a post i made the other day. no offense was meant, and i hope this clears things up.

thank you. that is all for today.

short but sweet: this ranks up there as one of the funniest things i've read all week, and that's saying a lot. it's a washington post article, at that. [via achren]

after reading matt's most recent post over there, i'm left thinking about fathers.i've always had a strange dad situation. my mom and my real dad never got married, and eventually my mom married a new guy. i've known the new guy since i was 2, so, needless to say, he's always been around. my real dad died when i was 5. i remember one of the things that he always told me was to mind my other dad. back then the new guy was my "dad" and my read father was "daddy". it sounds pretty confusing, but there was a clear distinction.

i never got to know my real dad very well. since he died in a motorcycle accident when i was 5, it made it a little hard. all i have of him, these days, are a few photographs. i remember very little. scattered things remembered from your childhood. riding on the back of his motorcycle…the time he took me to pizza hut for my birthday and gave me the spider-man helicopter (finally letting matt know of the importance of that gift)…the times he'd come over to the apartment where i lived with my mom and my new dad. they all got along, which is odd. they were all friendly, and seemed to genuinely like each other. it wasn't odd for my real dad to come visit me and then end up staying for dinner and to watch the dukes of hazard. it's days like this, when i get to thinking about things, that i miss him most.

on the other hand, i've gotten to know my new dad (referred to as "dad" from here on) quite well over the past few years. he divorced my mother when i was about 9 or 10, but he's a good man who has always been there for me. i stayed living with him, due to the fact that my mother is a complete alcoholic. she can barely look after herself, let alone a child. i've had very few deep conversations with him, but the ones we have had have been very enlightening. there have been a couple of times, over the past few years, where i've stopped in at my dad's house on a late weeknight with a six-pack of beer, just wanting to shoot the shit. my dad, like matt's, has made some decisions he's regretted. my dad, like matt's also has to live with some of those mistakes. there's a solid sense of melancholy about my dad. a deep sadness. the family has been in bad financial shape for as long as i can remember. he's moving on in age, and is finding it hard to find work that suits him that can provide for himself, my step-mother, and my little sister. i take a look at things and realize that i make close to double what my dad makes. this hits me pretty hard. making me think about what kind of future is in store for him, what kind of retirement. it makes me sad to think about the situation. i've tried, over the years, to help my dad seek better employment, but he's such a proud, headstrong guy. these are qualities i think i get from him, and i can't say whether that's good or bad.

like matt, i think i'll take my dad out to eat next week. it's time we sat down, alone, over some food and had a long talk.

i slept late today. i worked an extra day at work this week, so i've been tired for a couple of days now. i work ten hour days, so they can get long as hell. spending half of an entire day in that place starts to drive me slightly bonkers.

it seems like cnn has found a way to rebound from the layoff of 400 employees (mentioned here yesterday) by moving to a more apple-oriented approach to newscasting. it seems they'll be using smaller reporting tems equipped with high quality dv cameras and powerbooks. [via as the apple turns]

yes! marilyn manson and rose mcgowan have called it quits! here's our chance, boys…let's make it count.

i have no clue what the plans are for tonight, but i'm sure it will involve seeing guy ritchie's newest film, snatch. it opens here in louisville tonight, and you better fucking believe i'm there.

on that note…

apparently someone has decided to take digs at various posts of mine, lately. this isn't really sitting well with me, and i've made the issue known. despite my broaching of the subject, the behavior appears to be continuing.

while doing my morning surfing, i ran across this. it's a test movie of the lithtech game engine being developed by monolith. that movie is a sample of in-game graphics on ps2. truly stunning.

it seems that my car is completely fucked. it's totally ironic and fitting that i named my mix cd "death march for a 1987 accord". either that, or i completely jinxed the whole thing. damn it. i hate when i do that. i'm now faced with the weighty decision on whether i should fix it or not. i'm currently on track to get a new apartment by the end of this month, but this is going to throw a giant wrench into the works. just between you and me, i really don't need these headaches.

it seems one of the first big moves of the aol/time warner megalith is to drastically cut spending. cnn has apparently laid off around 400 employees, and michael de luca has resigned as the head of new line pictures (a division of the corporation, but aren't we all at this point?). what could any of this mean for the future of dc comics? i guess we'll just have to keep our eyes on this one, huh?

i need to get back to not doing work…

newest obsession: desktopgirls.com. yes, it is rather piggish of me. no, i don't give a damn. personal favorites here and here.

it seems i'm quite the problem solver here at work today. i've run down a couple of really obscure network problems that had gotten past a couple of other people before getting to me. this really means nothing in the larger sceme of things…it just makes me feel like "the man." and we know what a good feeling that is…

two shows i really wish i could make it to: the casket lottery playing a "police tribute" night in lawrence, ks @ the bottleneck. and the chris kempa memorial show in detroit with hey mercedes. i'm gonna be grumbling about both of those for a while, i'm sure…

we watched something about mary last night. matt hadn't seen it, so it was a good excuse to see it again. it's the third or forth time i've seen it, but it's still a damn funny movie. matt dillon makes a complete ass out of himself, and looks like he enjoys it completely.

i just got back from lunch. i stopped by the comic shop to pick up my books and ended up signing up to help them move the store to the new location this weekend. never bite the hand that feeds you, man…never.

in breaking news: jason newsted is leaving metallica. first they kill cliff…now this. [via are you wearing a wire?]

speaking of bob…i need to email him to make sure he got his package. i get all antsy when i send things out. i almost always use priority mail, and i still sweat it big time. i think it's just a weird neurotic habit of mine, huh? now that my cousin is a mailman, i don't know whether to relax or sweat it even more…

i got up 15 minutes early. this may not sound like much, but it's pretty damned impressive for me. i'm one of those people that dreads getting out of bed in the mornings. but then again…aren't we all? it's not like it's a fun activity or anything…

cheers to us|against|them for their new redesign. i know i'm a little late in mentioning it, but shit happens, you know? thanks also go out to them for linking to both bipolar and transmission3000. they really know how to get on a guy's good side.

i know nanette already mentioned it, but this site is freakin' hilarious. i recommend all of the amber chats. a true laugh riot.

for the record, i am feeling much better now. i've been a little hoarse, but other than that, everything checks out fine. i'm still alive an kicking. i know that's a letdown to some of you out there, but i guess you'll just have to deal with it.

back to work…more later.

i feel much better now. i still sat out from work, but i plan on making that time up, plus grabbing a few extra hours. i have a new apartment (or house!) to spring for in the next few weeks, so i need the extra cash.

to make myself feel better, i decided to make a mix cd. it kinda spans all of my past and present rock tastes. the track listing goes a little something like this:

Death March for a 1987 Accord
superchunk – like a fool
radiohead – idioteque (bbc)
dinosaur jr. – turnip farm
hey mercedes – the house shook
insidious – nothing's wrong
rem – so fast, so numb
the national acrobat – the mantis romantic
sonic youth – sugar kane
small brown bike – hideaway
deftones – mini maggot
nirvana – oh the guilt
rocket from the crypt – on a rope
the casket lottery – bill & axe
texas is the reason – a jack with one eye
shellac – canaveral
radiohead – lift (live)
fugazi – long distance runner
rolling stones – gimme shelter
superchunk – why do you always have to put a date on everything?

all together, it's a hell of a rock ride, i'd say. the whole thing got sparked by my need to have a copy of turnip farm for my car. i guess it just kinda snowballed.

i went out with paul earlier. we didn't do much, but it was nice to get out of the house and get some air. we just rolled out to a couple of comic shops to pick up some supplies for paul's ongoing comic "reorganization" project. a geek's tasks are never finished, i tell you.

i should know…