I've finally started my new job at Corvus, been there for three days now actually, and I'm liking it so far. damn well ought to be, I've been trying to land a "real" job for, oh, almost six years now…

funny thing is that the new job is almost like the two months I spent off work–sitting around on the computer, making web pages. surprisingly low pressure so far, but they're probably taking it easy on me…

can't think of anything else to talk about…

not much to report the past couple days, been workin', my sixth and final week at Kinko's. on monday I start my new real job at Corvus. I'm going to be struggling the next few days to readjust my schedule from third shift to first shift… why can't life ever just be easy? why can't we just sleep when the hell we feel like it, wake up when we can't sleep another minute, do the things we need or want to do, and just be happy? if someone could tell me the secret to this, I'd be indebted to them for the rest of my peaceful, happy life.

to retouch on something from my last post, I have finally read a couple reviews of the x-men movie, and so far it's fifty-fifty (I've only read two–one good, one bad.) The reviewer for Entertainment Weakly–that snot rag of an entertainment magazine, which, ironically enough, put X-Men on their cover–spewed a mouthful of bullshit all over one of their pages. I often wonder if these movie reviewers even go watch the movies they're reviewing, but since he actually pointed out a few scenes that weren't in the trailers, he must have, or at least he talked to someone who had. It amazes me that this dumbfuck actually saw the same movie I did, but then I think about how reality is all perception based anyway, so in truth, he didn't see the same movie I did, he saw the movie his brain made him think he saw, and damn where the hell am I going with this?
      anyway, the guy has no clue.

now, the guy who reviewed the movie for the LEO (Louisville's Eccentric Observer, for you out of towners) obviously didn't have his head up his ass when he walked into the theater. at least he got it. he understood the message, the theme, the really great thing the movie was, as well as the little, but ultimately forgivable, problems. all in all, he gave it a fair, honest, thoughtful review.

EW guy, on the other hand, apparently walked in expecting some totally fanciful kids movie that he was going to hate, and was pissed off when the real-world issues made him think too hard.
      not to throw myself into too-heavily geek infested waters, but this is the same bullshit Star Trek gets on occasion, when people dis it because it actually tries to deal with important social issues. Admittedly, some of the acting on Star Trek isn't the greatest, and there have been some horrible episodes (of all the series), but Star Trek isn't about the actors, the characters, or the ships, it's about theme, emotion, hope, and all that other good shit that makes good literature good.
      which conversely, is what the X-Men movie is all about too. It isn't about the characters, the costumes, the funky powers; it's about the struggle of the outcast members of our human society trying to fit in and live normal lives, and not being able to do so because of prejudice, fear, and an unwillingness or inability to learn, understand, accept, and welcome differences.

and all this is very real, very now. perhaps EW guy looked into Magneto or the Senator's face and saw himself, prejudiced, afraid, ignorant, and got pissed because the movie called him out. or maybe he just didn't get it.

just a quick update concerning my recent happy news.

Jim from Corvus Digital called me yesterday, finally, and at a time when I was awake and home to receive his call. after brief chit-chat, he informed me that he was calling to "offer me a job." glory be and hallelujiah, after weeks of nailbiting and despair at my inability to succeed in the world, I have been redeemed! I am finally a "professional" web developer (well, will be in two weeks anyway), I have landed my first salaried position, and my first official position making more than $9.00/hr. maybe now I'll be able to start paying my bills on time.

in other news, i've pretty much decided to go in a completely different direction with my coffeemonk.com redesign idea. the two people who've responded with useful and detailed constructive criticism don't quite agree on the things I've attempted thus far, and I've come to realize that the old adage clearly is true–"you can't please all of the people all of the time"–and really, you can't please some of the people most of the time. (–this last is not an attack on my friends, whose time, help, and honesty I truly do appreciate–)

also, I've taken some time surfing around in that randomly connected chain that is the web, and have been inspired by some of the really great graphics design people out there, whom I could never hope to equal. my jumping off point for this little sight-seeing trip was saturn.org which is a great example of the type of web design I enjoy, and wish I could create.

I'll be doing more surfing for inspiration, and perhaps will have some new inspiration in the next few weeks (I already have half an idea tickling at the back of my head, but haven't quite got the whole picture yet).

ok, after my little mental drainage the other day, I'm feeling at least a tiny bit better. perhaps it has something to do with the fact that brian and paul have threatened to beat me until either all my depression is swallowed by the intense pain of breathing, or I'm simply overtaken by the euphoric feelings of near-death.

I don't enjoy my job. I perform my job, but I gain absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever from it. Is this the way life is supposed to be? my parents always told me that when I was older I'd be able to find a job that suited my interests, a job that would help me feel fulfilled. have I done something wrong? am I not trying hard enough? can I not spout enough bullshit to weasel my way into a job I'd love to do, but perhaps don't quite have the required level of experience? what is the deal with the only positions that are open are either a) total shit that no one wants or b) nice, but require exhorbitant amounts of hands-on or book knowledge. how do these hiring managers think people get experience for these jobs in the first place? someone, somewhere has to hire someone just a little less than experienced, or am I just missing out on something?

as a side note, and kind of just so I can work in an interesting/funny link I've found, let me just say this.

I like Kegels.

I really like Kegels.

The KegelMaster is possibly the greatest invention of the modern age.

work sucks
life sucks
love sucks
humidity sucks
rising price of gas sucks
being totally broke sucks
starving sucks
waking up sucks
having to sleep sucks
being bored sucks
writer's block sucks
my web design skills suck
math sucks
having to excrete sucks
losing all hope sucks
pretending you're happy sucks
webloggers who don't update their weblogs often enough suck
i suck

(there's a nice happy one for ya.)

people seem to be visiting this little cove of unreality, so I feel bad if I go too long without an update. unfortunately, I've not been doing much other than working most of this week. on the positive side of that, today I got my first paycheck in over two months! and on the negative side of that, after paying rent and bills, I'll have about 10 bucks to get me through the next two weeks to the next paycheck. i can't win.

if anybody gives a shit and has a moment, check out a possible redesign direction I'm working on for coffeemonk.com. and let me know what you think… I'm not the most experienced, self-assured graphic designer on the planet, and I'm terrible with decisions…

quick update tonight, as if anyone cares. I haven't heard back yet from Corvus, but that's no big surprise since Jim said he'd contact me "by the end of the week." I'm planning to call him in the morning just to "check in."

haven't done much browsing lately, mainly because of the weekend's activities and the new job/new schedule I'm still adjusting to.

for your surfing pleasure, here's a link to another of my daily visits Mudhoney from Seattle, WA. This is one of the best news sites related to my all-time favorite band, Mudhoney. For those of you who aren't familiar, may I suggest picking up their best of compilation "March to Fuzz," a killer two-CD set encompasing their 11+ year career. You won't be dissapointed.

it would appear that blogger is back in working order again, finally allowing me to post that mile long rant about my trip to pick up my sis in cincy. read it if you've got 15 minutes to spare…

oh, and brian summed up the lexington trip better than I could have (but then, I never seem to "sum up" anything, I pretty much go off on every little thing, when I do write). I'm back at work, once again pulling the unholy third shift routine, and I've just stuffed 700 envelopes, what fun.

like brian, only with a different company, I also had a job interview earlier today. I thought it went rather well, and hope to hear something positive in the next few days. Jim–the interviewer–said he had another person to interview tomorrow (today really, damn this third shift, it's like living in a different time zone from reality) and would make his decision later this week. brian says he probably just said that to make me sweat a little so I'd feel really grateful when he gives me the job, but I think he was being on the level. we'll see I guess. if you get a chance, drop by the (apparently recently) redesigned Corvus website, drop them a note, and tell them to give me a job. it'd be pretty funny for Jim to call me up and tell me that fifty people had written him singing my praises. you now have a mission.

well, gotta get back to work, lest they think I've been abducted and forced into slavery by Latino whores. g'night.

once again, it's been a few days since I've updated. seems like it's going to be an ongoing struggle with me to come up with stuff to talk about on a daily basis.

brian pointed out to me that there are some .wav files on the Chester fan site I linked to in my last post. You have to go to the "And Now" sound files section.
**update 12/17/2004** again, that site is now down, check out the official site.

friday was an intriguing day. brian and I have been discussing the high speed internet options for a while now, and have finally decided we're going to go with something when he moves in. well, on friday, I received a call from Bell South "whoring out" (as brian said) their FastAccess (DSL) service. Since we'd already discussed going with Bell South for the "good deal" they were proposing, I went ahead and signed up. Little did I know that only that day, brian had been in discussions with our system person about setting up all kinds of whacked shit like firewalls and a "complete" home network outfit so we can all use the same high speed modem. I signed up for the service, thinking we'd just install the modem on brian's new system and network it from there. No Dice.
      if only art could imitate life. when brian showed up at the house and we discussed the situation, he called up Bell South and tried to talk them into giving us the special setup we'd need, at the price they'd offered. what followed was almost an hour long crusade against the corporate establishment that would have made Tyler Durden proud. he talked to one rep. who obviously had no clue what she was talking about, then called back and spoke to Roland.
      to Roland's credit, he worked very hard to get us the setup we needed. it finally came down to the point where we'd worked out our hardware needs, but they were going to have to charge us another $150 for "professional installation" on a product that only required plugging two wires into two boxes–one to the modem and one to the computer. obviously, since we have a bit of technical savvy, we weren't really into paying someone that much money to do something we could do in about two minutes.
      brian very calmly explained that fact to Roland, and logically requested that he waive the "installation" fee. Roland had a bit of a problem with that, so our faithful corporate dominatrix proceeded up the ladder to Roland's boss.
      once Roland's boss was on the phone, brian was quick to praise Roland for at least attempting to assist us, and at least partially knowing what he was talking about. then the war truly started.
      flabbergasted that our needs couldn't be met, the supervisor continued to try to talk brian into accepting their offer (incluing the "install" fee). brian, of course, would have none of it, and made several counter offers, none of which could be done. in the end, brian finally ended with the comment that if Bell South couldn't meet our needs, we could just as easily go to one of several other ISPs offering high-speed access and get a competitve rate. whether this is really true or not, we don't know, but he had a great time flogging the corporate "whores" in a very professional and courteous manner. it was a joy just to watch and listen.

right now, I'm at work, going through the first day of a week long training session, where corporate types are trying to pound their propaganda into my head. I survived the Army, this is a walk in the park.

well, I'm sitting here at work once again, on my "lunch break" at 2:40 am. you'd think that after two months of being unemployed and having no money, and having to beg, borrow, and/or steal to pay my bills (I never really had to steal anything, but I did have to beg & borrow a lot), that I would be thrilled to be back at work, making money. i'm not. there are much more important things I'd rather be doing with my time, but most of them aren't things I'll make any immediate money from. I'd love to be able to devote more time to coffeemonk.com and get it to where I'd like it to be design and feature wise. I'd like to be able to devote more time to web development and finding new clients for x:13. I'd like to be able to spend more time working on my writing, finishing the novel and short stories I've started, and maybe even write more poetry. I'd like to be able to finish my second poetry book, and get that out on the shelves and on the site. there are lots of things I'd like to do, but "real life" seems to get in the way. maybe I don't try hard enough, maybe I don't take enough risks, maybe I'm too much of a dreamer and not enough of a do-er.

'til I get that figured out, I guess I'm stuck working a job I don't really enjoy, making less money than I should be, and wishing I could be doing something else.