i stopped on the bank on the way to lunch today. i needed to stop by ye olde cashe machine to make it dispense some heard earned money. everyone's done this drill, right? we can do it in our sleep. put card in. put pin number in. plow through options. get money. well…i got as far as step one: put card in.

after popping my card into the slot, the screen didn't do it's usual thing where it asks me for my pin number. as a matter of fact, the screen didn't change at all. it just stared back at me…"please insert card now." i hit the cancel button. nothing. i tried hitting the little buttons by the screen. nothing. i begged it to give me my card back. nothing. the soulless machine has set out to ruin my day. then the screen finally changed…"temporarily out of service." i park my car and walk into the branch to tell them what's wrong. they said they saw me out there looking very confused, so they figured something was up. we went out to the machine and they opened it up, but my card wasn't in the little "bad people's cards" area (where they assumed it would go in a case like this). they looked into the slot in the front and then someone said "it looks like there's two cards in there." i looked in my wallet to notice the conspicuous absence of my medical coverage card. they must have stuck together. the friendly bank people inform me that my cards won't be able to be retrieved until later in the day tomorrow. they have to call in the actual atm people to take the damn thing apart.

all for my card.

cards, i guess.

ho hum. they let me take some cash out inside. i was able to eat lunch. steak escape. gotta love that chicken sandwich.

word around the campfire is that megan is having a super tub re-grouting party. you might want to head over to tame.net to ask her about it.

i get back to work and i get a call from the fbi…when does the weirdness end?

piss. moan. "woe is me." piss. more moaning. piss piss.

(i figured you all might be getting a little bored since i've seemed to have gotten over my insane bout of depression. just trying to keep you entertained)

woke up and it was raining outside. i walked round in a daze, matt and i having an exchange about mornings (i still don't really remember what was said. i'm sure he doesn't either). capped off with the semi-regular beastie boys reference: "time to get up and go to work." i never get tired of that one, i tell ya.

i stopped at k's to get some orange juice.

(windshield wipers)

(interstate driving in a daze of daydreaming of being elsewhere)

work.

man this place sucks on a monday morning. no one is awake. the coffee here is the equivalent of drinking toilet water (also known as pepsi). monday, monday. i hate you, hate you.

tomorrow is one of my days off. i'm going to sleep in and then head to the post office and mail sarah back her birthday gift that somehow got returned to me. maybe find a thing or two else to send out. i'll make it a day trip or something. just hang out with the mail people. i'm sure they could use some entertainment.

i'm thinking about taking a trip this weekend. i'm hoping to get my vacation day for sunday approved so that i can have a nice four day weekend. we're off for memorial day, it seems. i'm thinking of renting a car with seth and just driving somewhere. seth and i haven't been on a roadtrip since we went up to chicago for the first hey mercedes show and ruined the old accord (which i'm still somehow driving). it should be a good time, i think.

i had a dream last night that i was driving in a car with a beautiful girl. it was a pleasant drive. i don't know where we were going, maybe charlotte. i just remember her looking at me and saying "i really like you, you know."

i know, i know…now i just have to find you…

words to the coffee-making wise: don't switch off in the middle of making my mocha. i had my back turned to the process of the making of my sunday morning treat, reading the paper. i turned around to notice that the girl who was constructing my life-giving beverage was conspicuously absent. another coffeeshop working guy walks up, seeing me look about curiously. he immediately starts pouring the frothed milk into my cup. i was mildly amused at the hand off, but was able to shrug it, grab my coffee and head out the door. i wasn't able to catch a sip of it until i was about 2 blocks away, driving and all. but after the first sip, i was startled to find out that something was terribly, terribly wrong…there was no coffee in my coffee! i like my mocha with quite a bit of chocolate in them, but…this was a mocha with no coffee! just frothed milk (that wasn't very warm!) and enough chocolate to choke a rhinoceros! seeing that i was already on my way in to work, i didn't really have time to go back and have them rectify this situation. rest assured that next time i'm in there, it will be mentioned…

snl was kinda lackluster last night. guy came over and we watched it. walken wasn't really "on," giving rather flat performances ("the continental" was way too long, with only the scenes where walken was making funny faces after being punched any good) throughout the night. the mango sketch was a total bomb, jimmy fallon blew all his skits (as usual), and weezer gave the flattest weezer performance ever, with the version of "island in the sun" with will ferrell playing maracas being the only saving grace. all in all it was a big yawn. so much for the season finale.

sitting at work, suffering from a serious lack of caffeine. this can't be good for me. i hope i don't die.

happy armed forces day.

(not that i'm armed or a force, but it said it was armed forces day on my little far side desk calendar, so i figured it might be important to someone out there. otherwise they wouldn't put it on the calendar, right?)

yesterday was a pretty good day. i didn't really do much, but it was a good day. guy called in the early afternoon and we headed over to see scott at work. then he and i headed over to fazoli's to get some grub (love them breadsticks). i think i saw the fazoli's girl working in the kitchen. i'd have to say she was looking decidedly not nearly as good as the last time. not nearly. paul…take note. i'd also like to point out that for the first time in a long while, we actually got good breadstick service. the manager himself came out and hooked us up. i give them a "b" for this visit. with the fazoli's girl being a major let-down.

guy headed out to band practice and i sat around the house reading for most of the evening. scott called when he was leaving work and we decided a little trip to the record store was in order. guy called before scott got here and decided to meet us there. i picked up a cd by the rapture. it's one of those insound tour support things, and it's pretty good, from what i've had a chance to listen to. we then decided to go back to the house and watch the princess bride dvd that sharon sent me for my birthday. jackie and jesse came over, making it an impromptu little movie night.

and yesterday i finally finished a new mix cd. here's the track listing…

in the throes…
shellac – prayer to god
jawbox – the big shave
hot snakes – salton city
deftones – the boys republic
metroschifter – branson
alkaline trio – stupid kid
jawbreaker – sluttering (may 4th)
braid – circus of the stars
superchunk – revelations
weezer – the good life
radiohead – i might be wrong
kerosene 454 – worthington
nirvana – frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle
pj harvey – kamikaze
texas is the reason – back and to the left
bluetip – if i ever sleep again
sunspring – revolving door (turbo)
small brown bike – my own disaster
rocket from the crypt – drop out
crain – hey cops!
the breeders – happiness is a warm gun

the preview release of internet explorer 6 can't set a cookie for shit. just thought i'd let you know.

and now it's time for some hot, juicy, buttery…cinnabon action.

today started innocently enough. i got up, checked the email, saw a note that said jesse had called a few minutes prior (either someone was on the phone or i was sleepin' pretty deeply). i called jesse back and he said that they'd be over after they get his hair cut. so i got dressed and sat around, waiting for them to get here.

i called sarah for her birthday. i may have already mentioned this. she said she didn't know whether she was gonna drink to celebrate her 21st birthday, or not, but i told her to buy a beer and hold it to look cool, if nothing else. heh. she's going out to a couple of shows tonight, so i hope she has fun.

the pizza was good, bob, you should try wick's the next time you're in louisville. like that happens often enough. i'm not singing any tonight, so i think i'll be all right.

speaking of hey mercedes, we're thinking of trucking up to the windy city in july to catch them at the house of blues with those get up kids. hopefully we can get in…

so i was browsing through shawn scallen's site, when i happened upon this awesome photo and dissertation on crain. this made me immediately search the house for my copy of heater, which i still can't find. damn it… you can check out an mp3 of crain here. crain is one of those classic louisville bands that we just kind of took for granted. crain, rodan, the telephone man…it happened. now we miss them like crazy, now that they're gone. it seems like i've been in a very nostalgic mood with my music, lately…i've been listening to the second metroschifter cd (fort saint metroschifter, what i consider their best album) since last night when i kidnapped it from guy's apartment. i only have it on vinyl and my record player hasn't worked since i punched it. add this up with jawbreaker's dear you, and i'm living in 1995, kids…

time to go do something else with my day…

well, it's been a crazy week so far. things at work have been hectic and chaotic. lots of stuff to do around here, and at times it seems like a lot of it is sliding my way. not that i think i'm the only one doing any work, but it just feels like i have a lot on my plate. combine that with the fact that, once again, i don't seem to be getting enough sleep, and you can understand how frazzled i feel i'm getting.

but, i did get the themes thing finished in a record 3 days, so i feel pretty good about that. also, i've added two (sort-of) new themes, so if you haven't been to the themes page in a couple days, check it out. the low tech theme is just what it says (if you discount all the scripting going on in the background, that is). i've also added a "random" theme, so you can set that and get a different design each time you visit.

wow, all this stuff is coming out a little flat sounding to me… i've been fighting off sleep all day at work… ugh. i'm supposed to be going running with paul tonight, but i think i'm going to just go home and rest. maybe read a little. maybe just sleep.

ah. i did something very high-schoolish a few days ago. i went to talk to the secretary at work, to sign a get well card for one of my co-workers, and while i was there, asked her what she knew about jenny (the girl i have a crush on). it was funny how her (the secretary's) eyes lit up and she had this big grin on her face. well, turns out she does have a boyfriend, but the secretary isn't sure how serious they are. her advice: "give it a few weeks." i'm still not sure what to think about this whole thing. i mean, should i even bother?

but this kind of ties into some of these conversations i've been having lately. women are asking me, "why aren't you dating anybody?" "you're a handsome guy, you should have a girlfriend." and of course, then i have to tell them about how picky i am, and how shy i am, and how really, at this point (due to the fact that i've put on a few pounds in the last year or so) i'm just not comfortable enough with how my body looks, to actually go up and seriously talk to someone i'd like to date. that's part of the reason for this big exercise kick i've been on (ie. i'm actually exercising for the first time in years), i have to get comfortable with myself, before i can expect anyone to be comfortable with me.

ok. but no exercising tonight. tonight is rest night, tonight is early bedtime night.

today i'm going out for pizza with jesse, jackie, and little joon. i think we're gonna hit up wicks, which should be fun. i've been informed that joon loves her some pizza. i'm currently sitting around the house, waiting on them to get jesse's hair cut, and then they'll be over.

i hooked up with scott after work last night. we sat around, he burned a copy of the new weezer cd to see if he likes it (the riaa is gonna come get me!). we sat around there for a little while, shooting the shit, and then we decided to go to guy's house. proposed call to guy's house that scott fucked up: "guy..we're thinking of going out for a while. we're coming over there." the secret was, as soon as guy said anything…hang up. he botched it. damn the scott.

we went over to guy's and sat around (starting to sound like brad's page, huh?), playing guitar and listening to unwound and what-not. guy and i got hungry, so he whipped up some spaghetti and we ate that. we ended up sitting around the kitchen table talking for a long while. we talked about how, a few summers ago, we all hung out almost every day at my old apartment. i miss that old place, even though it was a shithole. at least i had fun while i lived there. we all have jobs now, so we hardly get to hang out any more. we're starting to pick up the pace a little, though. we're hoping to have more fun this summer, now that guy is back.

i just got off the phone with sarah. it's her birthday, so everyone head over there and wish her a happy one. seriously. do it or i'll be pissed. i need to get out to the post office and send her her gift back. it somehow got returned to me…

i heard a story today about a captive lobster that had 600,000 babies. it's gotta be a bitch to feed all of 'em.

themes

or something.

so, as you might have been reading, here and on the a-go-go it's been an interesting, pleasantly eventful weekend. where do i start? perhaps i should just summarize.

  friday: birthday dinner with brian and co. seeing as we were eating in an italian restaurant, i came to the realization that it would be really cool to be a mafia boss. someone pointed out that mafia boss's wives are almost always ugly, mean, and/or flamboyant nouveau riche hags. yet another point was made that mafia bosses quite often have a plethora of pretty young mistresses interested only in your money and power. and y'know, sometimes, that sounds like it would be really nice. and, in a flamboyant move of my own that played into the whole mafia boss feeling i was having, i bought dinner for everyone. yes, i am flaunting that, but keep in mind i also have only $30 left to my name until payday.
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit on some changes to bipolar. (oh, i'm not going to spoil it yet. you've gotta read on.)

  saturday: slept until 3pm. had lunch with brian. brax & i went to meet paul so they could get some dinner, then we hung out at the house for the majority of the night (later to be joined by my friend nicole), playing zombies ate my neighbors, watching saturday night live, drinking (me – beam & pepsi, brax & paul – beer), then heading to the twig later for some of the oft-mentioned "louisville paul brown" (a.k.a. ky hot brown).
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit more on some changes to bipolar. (ah… not yet.)

  sunday: as brian mentioned i was still up (working on those changes) when he went to work around 8:30am. i decided that since the sun was up, it would probably be a good idea to get some sleep. got back up at 2:00pm or so, lounged around the house in my bathrobe, sat out on the back porch and smoked, and… worked quite a bit on those changes to bipolar. indeed, with the exception of an hour and a half trying to sort my way through a convoluted thread about Amiga on slashdot, i spent almost the entire day until 3:30a.m. working on those damned changes.

and let me guess… you didn't even notice did you?

it is possible that the more observant of you will have noticed the addition of a couple links to that dropdown links box up there at the top… way down there at the bottom. see that? well, "webcam" you may already be familiar with, but that "themes" link… that's it. that's what i've spent the past unholy amount of time working on. so click it already.

or finish reading first, whatever. anyway, it's something that i mentioned a while ago–the ability to choose your favorite bipolar design, rather than having our whims and fancies foisted upon you. overall, i'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out and how it works. the only exception to this is the fact that for some reason, i can't get netscape to set the damn cookie. so those of you who are holding out, keeping the faith against the evil corporation, well, you gotta do it the hard way for now. (it's all explained somewhat on the themes page). but, if any of you are PHP gurus, please please please if you know anything about why netscape is being a bitch about setting cookies, please let me know. you have no idea how much i HATE having to say that a microsoft product actually does something better.

well, there's a bunch of other stuff i could write about, like all the great conversations i've had this past week, with co-workers and friends and what-have-you. but i've wasted enough "computrons" (as a co-worker likes to say) as it is, and you need to go have fun playing with the new themes (and breaking them and telling me about it). oh, and at the moment, it's not real obvious about how to get back to the main bipolar page, so just move that mouse up to the upper left corner of the page after you choose your swanky new bipolar theme.

peace.

i went out to dinner tonight with my friend jesse and his wife jackie. i've known jackie for about three or four years now, i'd say. i always thought she was a really cool girl. i've been talking to jesse about playing in a band with scott and me. he seems open to the idea. we had a good dinner at that bastion of good suburban taste: applebee's.

the meat of this story involves jesse and jackie's amazingly cute daughter joon. she's still a little tyke, barely a toddler, but she's just the cutest thing ever. i just hung out across the table from her, chatting with someone with an obvious language barrier. she'd smile at me, i'd give her a big thumbs up. i seemed to entertain her. that may be an easy thing to do with a one year-old…i'm not sure.

so i sat at the table and i realized that jackie and jesse are both a few years younger than me. a happy, married couple. i mean…she still brings him lunch every day. they're an amazing couple with an amazingly beautiful child. here i am, 25, freshly dumped by a girl that lives 1000 miles away. no real future outlook. aside from our mutual tastes in music and a common workplace, my life and jesse's are almost complete opposites. i don't envy him as much as respect him, if that makes sense.

i know that some day i want a little kid of my own to spoil. someone to share all of this with. i don't think i want to be married tomorrow, but i know that someday i want to be with that girl. my biggest problem right now is that, up until a few weeks ago, i thought that i had found that very girl. i'm slowly realizing how wrong i was and it's a huge downer. i'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that all of these deep connections i had with this girl may now amount to nothing. i'm constantly reaching out to her for some kind of emotion and i just get the door slammed back in my face.

i feel like some stupid, broken-hearted robot who's set on "self-destruct."

then again, right now, somehow, you're making me smile.

[note: blogger is being incredibly fucked up, so i haven't really been able to get these posted. the following two posts are new, and now the post from friday is somehow showing up as posted on the 13th, as well. ignore these things and enjoy.]

sunday morning at work. where did my weekend go? sipping on my mocha, trying to stay alive ("alive" is loosely translated to "awake" in brian-ese, this morning). matt was still awake when i left the house. i asked him if he wanted to go ahead and go to work for me. he declined. rat bastard.

last night i got tired of sitting around the house, so i called guy up under the pretense of going out to catch a movie. he mentioned a possible party later that evening. we ended up going out to grab something to eat at tumbleweed and then headed over to the record store for a while. after we realized scott should be off work, we headed back to guy's place to give him and connor a call to see if they were up for swinging over to the previously mentioned party. scott declined, connor was down. after picking up connor, we headed back to the record store so he could pick up something they were holding for him and then it was off to the party.

we showed up on the scene of a slightly less than "bumpin'" party and proceeded to sit on the couch, sipping soft drinks. we then found out it was my friend dave's 30th (!) birthday party, which made it a definite occasion to drink. connor was more than happy to help celebrate, so we got the party started right, to say the least. a few friends showed up on the scene, and rowdiness proved to be the order of the day (night). we then proceeded to get thoroughly "saucy", with me realizing halfway through the evening that i was the one driving us home. i let my alcoholic fun come to a slow halt and spent the rest of the evening sobering up.

i ended up running into about a million people i hadn't seen in 6 or 7 years, which was kind of odd. it seems the ghosts follow me around everywhere (according to drew). it was nice seeing everyone, but i always feel uncomfortable around people i haven't seen in a long while. like maybe i was never a good friend or something. it's probably just me.

at some point i walked drunkenly up to a random cute girl and said "would you like to be my future ex-girlfriend?" she just gave me a funny look and walked away. man…i'm mr. smooth.

i had never really hung out with connor, mostly thinking he thought i was a dumbass. we ended up getting along quite well, and the high point of the evening involved sitting in the kitchen while connor told everyone in the room (at one point or another) that either he or they were a jackass. he wasn't choosy. connor's quest for whiskey was really something to behold. it was a fun time, and i think we all did what we set out to do: make asses of ouselves. mission accomplished.

oh, and jay…it ended up being one of those louisville parties that i know you miss so much. everyone and their brother busting up on the scene. crazy drunken dance party. we missed ya, pal.

when we started realizing how late it was, my dawning realization that i had to be up for work in 5 hours came crashing down on my newly sober head. we rounded up our three man rolling destruction unit and headed out the door. i ended up getting everyone (including myself) home safely. guy was glad i actually got out, and i realized i had a highly enjoyable evening. maybe i won't spend my summer wallowing in a shit-pit of my own misery, after all.

interesting note: i got home and was checking email before diving into bed, and both guy and connor were online, proving that we're all too incomprehensibly nerdy for words.

"the party's not over, man…it just moved online."