2003.07.06 dear steak 'n shake:

this isn't a comment card, it's a direct pipeline to my ass.

we've just gotten back from the single worst steak 'n shake experience we've ever had. our server (also the store's general manager) was either extremely stoned, or he hadn't slept in 5 days. he couldn't seem to grasp the fact that there were three of us sitting at the table, as he only brought us two straws and two glasses of water, then ended up putting my and paul's orders under the same "seat". we had to keep reminding him of the things we hadn't gotten yet. To his credit, he did realize that he was giving us shitty service, and offered to give us free deserts.

after the meal, when we went up to the register, the old biddy up there–already embroiled in some issue with the previous customers–essentially flatly refused to split our check up any further than the two seats already listed. now, at this point, paul was pretty pissed of and not willing to prolong it, so he just picked up the tab. walking out, we decided we really should have told we weren't paying, and left.

neil picked up a comment card, and great hilarity ensued as we imagined the following sequence of events:

To whom it may concern:
I could not think of anything to say that would adequately express my discontent with my recent experience at your Bardstown Road location. wiping my ass with the card seemed the only way to give you a taste of the service we were given by Thomas, the General Manager, and Vickie, who was working the register.


we imagined that their response might be similar to the following:

Dear Customer:
Thank you for your kind words regarding our establishment. The Louisville, KY, Bardstown Rd. location (store #659) is a pilot store for the new "Work-Release" programs we are testing in cooperation with the KY State Penitentiary in Eddyville. The regional manager, being a licensed abnormal psychologist, often conducts "research" in the areas of social interaction at some of our locations. Recently, store #659 has also been hosting research by studying the interaction of inmates with Nigerian exchange students with only a partial command of the English language. The General Manager, prisoner #65B37D-16Z-611–Thomas, or "611" as we like to call him–was very interested to hear your complaint, and requested your names and addresses so that he could personally ensure your satisfaction with our company. "611" will be paying you a visit along with other members of his Steak 'n Shake Correctional Outreach Team–Tommy "The Squirrel" Sciarretti, and M'Butu Odumegwu. Expect them within the hour.

Thanks for your patronage!

P.S. Enclosed is a coupon for a free Ice Pack and bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol to help speed your recuperation. Get Well Soon, so you can eat more Steakburgers!

when neil mentioned M'Butu, i think paul nearly crashed the car.

- 03:36 pm :: permalink :: 4 comments
categories ::  Friends - Rants - Upset/Dislike

4 Responses to “dear steak 'n shake:”

paul said:

i laughed, i cried, i almost pulled a gun on the manager.

# July 9, 2003,

m@ said:

on very special occasions i feel that i may just have to actually physically restrain paul… this was certainly one of those occasions.

however, i have to say, he handled it with subtlety and composure (mostly). unless she was a fool (which she most certainly was), the lady would have to have known the level of displeasure and animosity directed at her.

# July 10, 2003,

the puffin said:

a level of displeasure and animosity only know as "white hot death"!!!

# July 10, 2003,

Javan said:

did you actually turn that card in? I would have. Now that would be funny.

Oh, and sorry you had to endure such a dissapointing experiance. Steat 'n Shake is normally good.

# July 13, 2003,