how depressing is it to be sitting at work for 8 hours with absolutely nothing to do? let me tell ya, it's pretty damned depressing. the only positive side of it is that i've been able to finally chat with nathan since his girlfriend convinced him to get on ICQ long enough for me to convince him to download a jabber client. now that Nathan's on jabber, we've also convinced paul to try it out so we can all do a group chat thing and seriously defeat any productive potential we have while at work.

not to mention the fact that, in the process of having an absolutely great time last night, i stayed up way too late, got a little tipsy, and today am just completely bushed. apparently, we're about to get our first home-cooked family meal in the new place, as paul's just informed me that brax will be fixing up some spaghetti. and damn, it's comics day! i've been frickin craving my traditional wednesday Denny's Big Texas BBQ burger all damn day.

anyway, went to see the Reverend for the sixth time last night, and as usual, they were awesome. i'd have to say it wasn't their best show, but since their shows have progressively gotten better and better each time, i'd have to put it just below the last time i saw them. which is probably considerably better than most of the bands out there. another positive thing was the opening bands, who pretty much rocked the house. Death on Wednesday opened, followed by the Gotohells. It was pretty funny, just before the Gotohells came out and started playing, we were standing around talking about old Van Halen and other "hard rock" that we grew up with and really like (in retrospect, at least for me). Three chords into the Gotohells' set, i was surprised by how "classic rock" they sounded. I was thinking, listening to their set, that they sounded a bit like a good sized helping of Van Halen and other classic rock, mixed in with a little pinch of Mudhoney and grunge sound thrown in. We were all pretty impressed with the opening acts, which is very rare for us. In fact, let me see if i can remember opening acts i've actually liked out of all the concerts i've been to… the Cows, Engine, Deke Dikerson (much better live than the album that i was able to find)… and… uh… that's about it. I'm sure brax and paul could remind me of some other openers that i liked, but hey, if i can't remember them, they weren't that impressive were they?

then the Reverend came on stage and just rocked straight outta the box from beginning to end. they played quite a few songs off the first two albums, some stuff off the middle few and last albums, and some new (unrecorded) stuff as well. i think the highlight of the evening for me was when they played "eat steak" which is one of my all time favorite songs. after the Reverend made a comment to some person in the pit complaining they couldn't hear the lyrics, saying "next time, maybe i'll be more willing to work with you if you bring up a shot of jagermeister." brax then got the idea that we should take him a shot right then & there (this is a normal RHH show occurrence) and he dragged paul along to take it up to the stage. i hung in the back and just enjoyed the show. a few songs before their first break, paul came back and grabbed me and dragged me up into the pit with them. (thus setting up the next highlight of the night) at the end of the encore the Reverend came out to the edge of the stage and shook hands with people, me include. so, i got to shake hands with one of my idols.

i finally bought a new t-shirt, and met up with brax and paul who were hanging out and talking with Jimbo (the stand-up bass player). so i actually got to meet Jimbo as well, exchanged a few words with him, bordering on a conversation. Finally, as we were still waiting for the Reverend to come back out to mingle, i got to meet Scott as well. We had a great conversation about Louisville, Lexington, girls, the karaoke bar he'd gotten kicked out of the night before. and in the end, he offered to put us on the guest list for the Lexington show. damn. it's so tempting to go, but as tired as i am right now, i'd never make it staying up until three again and facing an hour plus drive home.

so, aside from Brax nearly getting in a fight with some chick because he was drunkenly dancing to the music, and aside from the fact that idiot-jerk (yes, the same idiot-jerk from previously told stories relating to an ex-girlfriend) was standing in front of me through almost the entire Horton Heat set, i had a wonderful time last night. i did spend considerable time trying to figure out if it really was idiot-jerk standing in front of me, and then, once i had figured it out, i spent considerably more time debating the value of jumping over the rail that was in front of me and pounding his face into the floor. thankfully, propriety and the desire for personal safety (who knows how many of his friends were there) won out and i left him alone. this was also part of the reason i hung back when paul and brax moved up to the pit. i wanted idiot-jerk where i could see him… just in case. but, once paul came back to drag me up there, i enjoyed the act of walking directly in front of idiot-jerk (even saying "excuse me.") on my way down to the pit. overall, i'd say the move to the pit was worth it.

i had a great night last night, and again, if you ever have the opportunity to see the Reverend Horton Heat, don't miss out. if i hear of any of you knowingly skipping out on a Horton Heat show without a very good reason, i'll personally find you and kick your ass… or at least give you a stern talking to.

3 for 3 baby, yeah.

i've been to hell and back. i was overly optimistic about my moving experience. thursday we got the u-haul with no problems–if you don't count the customer in front of us in line who was cursing and yelling up a storm and in turn getting cursed and yelled at by the guy behind the counter…
it was quite an experience. and made it all the more fun to walk up to the counter and respond to the question "may i help you?" with a big smile and "i'd like to rent a truck!" while barely containing my laughter. really, i think a normal person (read: normal being the average joe human with force-fed christian morality) would have probably walked out and made a big scene; i just thought it was funny.

so, we get back to the old place and, according to plan, start trying to get the couch downstairs. brax and i fought with it for almost an hour, trying every different angle we could think of, but for some reason, despite the fact that it fit through the door to go UPstairs, it just wouldn't go out the door trying to get it DOWNstairs. we decided to postpone the couch until we could get paul over there to help us with his superior spatial reasoning skills. of course, at this point, we were completely bushed having basically held up a 300+ pound couch for almost an hour. we got a few of the smaller things moved… some bookshelves, the chair, my filing cabinets, the mattresses. then we took a break and went for sodas. as we were hanging out on the front porch, paul drove up, and we almost immediately put him to work helping us with our 2nd attempt at the couch. after another hour of struggle in which the walls of the stairwell were even further gouged and maimed, they finally convinced me to give up. feeling frustrated and beaten by an inanimate object, they finally convinced me to just accept brian's offer to buy the couch from me. that couch has been with me for over seven years. i'll miss it, but brian's granted me visitation rights. in fact, i think i'll go visit it tonight, under the pretense of getting the last few things i inadvertently left in the house.

and, of course, thursday wasn't the only day. we also spent several hours friday, and saturday lugging things out by the carload. sunday we spent a few more hours in a last mad dash carrying out the bulk of what was left. thankfully getting done and home in time to then go for our first grocery shopping excursion and still make it home in time for Iron Chef.

we've managed to organize our living room to some extent excluding unpacking of books, videos and cds. our kitchen is on it's way to organization, again with some minor unpacking. but unfortunately, my room is still a big pile of boxes. i'm still not sure how the furniture layout will go, and i probably won't figure that out until i get those boxes out of the way. but it is very nice to have my own room. i can now walk in my room, shut the door, and prance around naked without fear of someone barging in on me. naked time to me is important time. everyone should enjoy a little naked time every day. and i don't mean just getting in and out of the shower, but lazy lounging around naked time.

of course, because of the move, i've been without DSL since Thursday. I spent the entire weekend without internet access (though i could have used paul's computer if i'd wanted) since i don't have a regular modem in my computer. it was actually kind of nice. it seems that the net has somewhat taken over my life lately. so, i didn't get a chance to check email, read any of my daily sites, or, of course, update bipolar (though i did get the itch a couple times). i'll still be without for at least a few more days, but i'll try to keep up from here at work.

brian's comments in his post from thursday were touching. over the past year, brian and i have spent quite a bit of time together and gotten to know each other quite well. i'd say i've pretty much gotten him figured out. it's probably those fundamental similarities he mentioned that have made it possible for us to not kill each other, and the fundamental differences that made it just dynamic enough for us to not die of boredom with each other.

i imagine that bipolar will probably change and grow again, with this new chapter in our lives starting. it should be interesting.

one thing i neglected to mention last night was that, as i was sitting on the couch enjoying a hearty salad and flipping channels on the TV, i came across a program where pretty much every word out of all of the participants mouths was a giant load of crap.

I am always flabbergasted by the hoops that the so-called "believers in god" jump through to disprove scientific findings with their own half-baked and glossed-over "scientific" findings. i was able, at the age of 10, to incorporate both my religion and the science i was learning, and nothing i have learned since then has shaken or challenged that combination. yet these people are so closed minded that they can't see the contradictions in their own logic while they're attempting to refute the contradictions in other's. they take what they've been taught, and when that is challenged, they hold on to it for dear life, in fear that if it's taken away, all these teachings they've built their life around will simply cease to exist. they apparently have an overwhelming desire to place limits on the capability, imagination, and omniscience of the god whose limitlessness they're trying so hard to prove.

the existence of programs and establishments such as this one, are yet another symptom of the illness and desperation of our society. it's something i've been thinking about for a long time, but have yet to come up with a succinct explanation or terminology.

needless to say, there were several times during the course of this program where i laughed out loud and nearly choked to death on a piece of lettuce.

i think we all know the feeling, that moment that we all have experienced at least once, where you just feel like everything you do is not enough, where you feel that your life is completely worthless, and where, just for a moment, you really really wish that there was some way to just give up. well, about 4:15 this afternoon, i walked out on one of the loading docks at the back of my building, and this feeling just washed over me. i was soaked with it, drowning in it, but there was no reason for it to be there. it was the strangest thing. i sincerely felt, for that moment, that every little struggle that life throws at us is completely, utterly pointless. in fact, it was such an odd thing, there being, as i said, no real reason for it, that i pointed it out to my buddies who were out there with me. of course, by the time i was able to articulate it, the tide itself had passed, and i was only feeling the little substance that remained as it drained away from me.

don't look for me to explain it, or to launch into some great exposition about how it's not true, life's not pointless, things aren't as dismal as they seem, because though i don't really believe it, i also can't firmly deny it. if there is a point to life, it's as i explained to a friend the other day… our one and only purpose for being here, alive in this universe, is to reproduce and continue the cycle of life and death. and lest you misunderstand me, i'm not talking from a spiritual perspective at all here, i'm referring merely to our biological imperative and reason for being. the spiritual or even theological side of the argument is an entirely separate side of the coin.

anyway, the past weekend was very enjoyable. spent some time with some friends i don't get to hang out with much, and had a great time. paul's drinking buddy (and music playing buddy, and just general all-around buddy, i guess) neil showed up ,and when told that paul was with us, his (somewhat tongue in cheek) remark was "Alright! Paul's here! Now i can DRINK!" maybe that's too much of an inside joke to really be funny here, but believe me, it is funny.

that bad bad girl sharon still hasn't updated her page, since even my last update, so everyone be sure to visit and tell her to write something. i mean, really, if i've updated twice since her last update, something needs to be done.

finally, my sister finally finished her self-described NC17 story (which started here) which turned out to be as funny as the first part suggested. my poor naive little sister. of course, i'd have been had just as easily.

well, gee, i guess that'll do for today, don't wanna overwhelm anybody. i really need to post more often so i don't have to play catch up every time. oh, and speaking of updating more often, our illustrious former web-host and all-around systems brainiac just chastised me for not having updated my web-cam in almost a month. i'll see if i can't get 'er up and running tonight, and at least get a fresh picture up there.

hump day again, folks, and today it really is comics day. (last week's was postponed 24 hours on account of easter).

for some reason, it seems like the weeks have just been flying by lately… there's no break, no pause. perhaps it's got something to do with the fact that i keep myself busy doing meaningless stuff on the computer or hanging out with friends. i really need to get out of the house more. at the very least, i'm hoping to start taking my laptop with its freshly charged batteries out on the back deck and doing some writing when i get home from work in the evenings.

BTW, thank the great oogly-moogly for bartelby.com.

so, this weekend was pretty fun, except for the fact that the instigator of the supposedly two-day affair bailed out by calling the Wicked Witch of the West (his bitch girlfriend) around midnight or so and leaving with her. i swear if she didn't owe him almost 2 grand, i'd kick her ass to the curb myself and lock him in his room without his phone for a week.

but, nevertheless, while people where there, the party was pretty damned fun, me happily prepping and grilling the food, and later climbing up on top of the garage with everyone else, me with a half-glass of whiskey in my hand that brian insisted i drink (since he was kind enough to bring the bottle with him when he came), and all of us hooting and hollering at what was at best an average fireworks display.

having finished yet another accelerated development project here at work, i've had a little time today to get back to reading some of my favorite blogs. puffin-a-go-go's a given since we spend and obscene amount of time together (y'know, being buddies and all), and there's also sharon (who hasn't updated in a couple days… much like yours truly), and my favorite sister whose most recent post has a long and funny story tacked onto the end. sara (my sister) has been trying really hard to keep a daily routine going with her blog, despite being horribly overworked. but, y'know, as i like to explain it, she may be horribly overworked, but she's horribly overworked in FRANCE. and finally, a post from a few days ago on murmur where tim serves up what is a really great metaphor in general, and really great for the way i myself have been feeling for a while now… except i'm still stuck in the "lost my keys" stage.

oh, and on Sunday, i went through the whole ordeal of reinstalling windows yet again, in an attempt to stabilize my system, which really can never work since i'm running on windows. perhaps i should just say screw it and learn me some linux.

well, i'm back now from my short weekend visiting my folks and my little bro, and i'd have to say i had an enjoyable time. seems like a whole lot happened in a 30+ hour period. saturday afternoon i spent pretty much all my money getting my oil and other various fluids replenished, so i ended up having to ask the 'rents for money (for the first time in a thankfully longish time) to get me through until payday. if my roommates would stop giving all their money to their stupid evil girlfriends, or spending it on guitars, i could probably actually do more than just pay bills with my money. (to set the record straight, brian has actually been the most consistent and responsive rent/bill payer for a while now, so the guitar comment is more of a friendly jab than an actual complaint).
i seem to inevitably end up in the "godfather" role, where i'm the one handling all the bills and my roommates end up owing me large sums of money. i don't anticipate having these problems when we move in with paul, even though the roommate i'm taking with me is the one who owes the most money. but, i've pretty much decided that if he doesn't catch up soon, i'm going to have to open up the proverbial can labeled "whup-ass"–either on him, or on that evil bitch of a girlfriend (who owes him probably a couple thousand dollars and keeps asking for more despite the fact that they both make about the same amount of money and she's living with her parents).

anyway, enough about that. my mom cooked her usual excruciatingly good meals while i was home, and i, of course, brought little samples back with me to help me survive 'til payday. today it's leftover country ham… mmm good.

my brother's been getting more and more interested in computers in the past year or so, so quite a bit of our conversations this weekend centered around that (he wants to buy a new computer, and m&p have agreed to front the money if he stops acting like a holy terror for a while.) so we discussed his options, and we've pretty much decided we'll build him a system like the one i'm planning to build, and probably come in under the parent's budget constraints. he wanted to buy an iMac, but it was about $500 outside of his range, so we're talking a PC. it's cheaper, and there's tons of free software (hehe). i also helped him out a little this weekend by acting as his computer merit badge counselor for Boy Scouts. basically i just asked him a bunch of questions, he gave me a bunch of answers, did a few little things on the computer, and everybody was happy. and, this may sound like neandarthalic chest-thumping, but i surprised myself with some of the stuff that i knew about computers and computer history.

sunday was fun, we were in the kitchen standing in the patio door with an air rifle (BB gun) trying to see who could shoot the ears of corn in the squirrel feeder (no animals were harmed in the making of this blog). then we ended up talking about my prowess as an archer from my own Boy Scout days (me insisting i was good, my dad insisting i was… well, maybe not that good). dad ended up busting out my old little kid bow and an arrow (probably the only one left intact from my days of shooting trees, stumps, the ground, and the garage). after my bro hung a soda can from a tree limb, i tried to shoot it with the bow and arrow. took me four tries, but i nailed it. after that, of course, for like an hour the three of us were standing out on the patio trying to shoot the can with dad's different bows. i think i was the only one who got a good solid hit on it several times, dad and javan each either hit around it, nicked it, or "bumped" it with the shaft of the arrow. so, i guess i was pretty proud of myself for proving to my dad that, hey, i really WAS good at it.

so, all in all it was a good weekend, a little of mom's home cooking, some family bonding time, and some good driving (amazingly enough, there wasn't a single spot of construction on the entire Western Kentucky (aka. William H. Natcher) parkway).

but i'm back at work now, bored as hell. half our servers are down because the AC went out in the server farm area and they overheated. hehe. ain't technology great.

oh, and be sure to check out my sister's posts about underwear (Mon., Apr. 9) and French radio and music (Thurs., Apr. 12). very entertaining stuff.

and also, sharon–continuing her sometimes theme of posting "forwarded emails" with commentary– has a nice post (Fri., Apr. 13) with some guidelines for interacting with and/or understanding the opposite sex.

brian asked me the other day if i was "freaking out" because of her return. my response was that, no, i'm not freaking out right now, but i will most likely be freaking out in a big way if/when she moves in next door and i'm forced to see her (or even just her car) on a regular basis. i already find myself glancing up to the porch of that house, or glancing toward the windows to see if there're any lights on inside. thankfully, i've noticed no moving van outside, and haven't seen her car yet. plus, she hasn't called me back, so the possibility exists that she may not have actually signed the lease, and may not be moving in. we can only hope.

this past weekend was actually a fun one for me. a friend from my old job (hawley-cooke, whose web site i created and maintained for almost a year before they kicked me off the project and let it go to complete and utter shit by hiring someone who has no clue what he's doing) came by on Saturday evening, i guess around 6pm to drag me out up and down bardstown road, and into various drinking establishments. we walked up and back (probably 2 miles or so), then stopped in at a little bar near my house and had appetizers and microbrewed beer (probably one too many). then we set out again, walked even farther down bardstown road ('til it turned into baxter ave.) then turned around and walked part of the way back until we got to another bar, where we went in to warm up and… drink more beer.

at this point, she was pretty drunk, and i wasn't exactly straight sober either. we walked back to the house (mind you, this is like 6 hours later) hoping to find paul and brian still awake so that we could all make the traditional saturday drunkfest trip to the twig. fortunately for us, we showed up just as paul was getting ready to go home, and he happily obliged us by driving (even though he complained that we only wanted him for his soberness and ability to drive). needless to say, we were all having a grand time (despite the fact that ms. nicole seemed about to die from hypothermia), and the louisville paul brown (that's the food-stuff, not the person) never seemed so satisfying.

after the twig, we decided to extend the evening at paul's house (since nicole still had to sober up enough to drive home) and paul stopped for some spirits in hopes of joining us in our altered state. we all gathered in the upstairs living room and talked and carried on for a while with nicole falling asleep after about an hour. paul & i continued our normal drunken philosophizing and meandering conversation until she finally woke up and paul decided it was time to send us on our way.

all in all, it was a very nice, enjoyable evening spent with friends.

then sunday was laundry day. mmm, clean clothes.

she's back. again.

what do i see when i get home from work and check the caller id but "idiot jerk"'s name. i still haven't checked to see if she left a message, but she unfortunately called again just as i was finishing dinner. apparently, she's been apartment hunting, in my neighborhood. she was just calling to let me know that she was possibly signing a lease tomorrow for an apartment in the house next door to mine. the conversation was merely polite, i didn't offer anything more than answers to her questions even though the tone in her voice suggested she wouldn't mind a more in depth chat.

now, if only may would hurry up and get here.

this will be hell.

as brian pointed out in a post yesterday, i've spent the last couple days recuperating from my first (and hopefully only) real cold of the winter season. funny how these always hit me when winter's on the way out. anyway, i was fairly miserable on Tuesday, but went to work anyway. by about 10:30 i realized it would be nearly impossible to remain lucid at work for the next 6 hours, so i decided to cut and run at lunchtime… hoping, of course, that going home and lounging on the couch and napping for the rest of the day would speed me on the road to recovery and make it so i could go to work Wednesday and be productive. unfortunately, by the end of the evening, i was probably feeling worse than i had earlier in the day, and i was debating on calling in before i even went to bed. but i hoped that a good night's rest would fix me right up, and after downing a few cups of hot tea, i hit the sack intending to figure things out in the morning.

long story short, i ended up taking off the whole day wednesday, lounging around the house most of the day watching reruns of classic star trek and quantum leap. i'd forgotten what a fantastic show quantum leap was.

well, now i'm back at work. and lovin every minute of it. oh, and yeah, i'm feeling quite a bit better.

well, this past week has been a big pile of crap. i still haven't managed to get my sleeping schedule into any kind of reasonable order, and my entire life seems to have been suffering. i can barely stay awake at work, my productivity level has dropped considerably, and i've just generally felt horrible the entire time. why do i always do this to myself… i mean, it's not like i've never treated myself this way before. it's cyclical… i'll do well for a while but always eventually end up running myself into the ground.

to top it all off, brian bought Dune 2000 last weekend in hopes that he & paul & i could play some networked games, and the damn thing has sucked out my will to live. for the last four nights, this game has contributed significantly to my loss of sleep. combined with the fact that the nice new web cam i bought has been fucking up since Tuesday night and i've been spending several hours almost every day since trying to get it working again. hopefully i'll be able to spend some time on it tomorrow so that you can all watch the exciting events a casa de bipolar.

speaking self-referentially of bipolar as i was, i should now point out that we now have our first official entry into the redesign bipolar before we do! contest. i've sworn to both paul and brian that our first contestant (who's apparently in the process of moving her site again) will not get preferential treatment from me. but it looks really nice, so anybody else planning to enter better have their shit together.