it's been a very busy few weeks at work with a few big projects landing on my desk, or threatening to land on my desk simultaneously. in fact, i went the entire workday today not logged onto AIM or jabber, not chatting with friends, as i am prone to doing throughout the day. i've developed this bad habit where i come into work and take the first hour or so catching up on news sites, or getting sucked into really involved IM conversations with paul and nathan. my work ethic has seriously suffered from these several months (since around February) with very little to do while at work.

right now, i'm actually having trouble trying to remember all the things that have gone on in my life recently. it seems like i've just been going pretty steadily since my last post. we've had several band practices (we're actually managing to get together not just once, but twice a week now!), several nights spent drinking at bars and hanging out with friends.

i actually had enough presence of mind to write last-minute emails to some friends of ours that we'd sort-of lost contact with, and they ended up hanging out with us over the weekend at the big 30th birthday party we threw for brax. so, it was really cool to get to hang out with our friends again, and it really helped to elevate the birthday party above our usual run-of-the-mill cookout get-togethers we've been having infrequently. and, of course, it also helped that payday fell on that week just before the big party weekend, so i could afford to have as good a time as i could handle.

and my sister ended up swinging through town on her way to language camp in (or near) minneapolis. so we were able to have lunch together before she went off to spend a couple months with a bunch of american kids speaking bad french.

oh, and another fun thing was going to see Final Fantasy on Friday night when wug came up. the movie really was pretty good, if you (as paul mentioned) can deal with the cliche'd plot, story, and characterization. but really, the animation was amazing. i mean, it's still obvious that it's computer generated, so flesh and blood actors needn't be afraid quite yet. in fact, probably the best part of the whole movie was getting to see the spider-man teaser on the big screen. i tell you, that helicopter scene just sends shivers of joy up my spine everytime i see it. the shots of spidey swinging through the city still look a bit too CGI, but i think that the effects in the movie are going to be excellent. now, cross your fingers and hope for a decently written story.

well, i think that's done me in for tonight. i'm looking forward to taking a half-day tomorrow, and taking monday off, making this a nice extended weekend. hopefully i'll be able to motivate myself and get some stuff done. wish me luck.

well, so much for that three-day streak, huh? bah.

it seems like a lot has happened since the last post, but i think i mainly didn't post because i was so involved in trying to get my new computer set up properly. when i get involved in a project i tend to get a little too focused. anyway, so nathan (who i mentioned in the last post) came down for a visit with the crew this past weekend and a good time was had by all. i survived another swing of the hatchet at my place of work, and have another new supervisor and a different "team." i'm still doing the same job, it's just names and group affiliations that have changed. as i mentioned, i got that new computer set up, but wednesday night i got really stupid and decided to try to upgrade the motherboard BIOS… this had exactly the opposite effect from what i'd hoped it would have. rather than making my system magically faster and better, it actually made it not work at all. funny, that. anyway, a quick email to the motherboard manufacturer, and i've been assured a new BIOS chip is on the way.

another thing i found out today, from my former supervisor and smoking buddy at work, is that my crush thinks i'm cute! apparently, my supervisor talked to one of her (my crush's) friends about my interest in her (my crush) and that person then told her. apparently, she said something along the lines of "oh, don't you remember, he's the one i told you i thought was cute." and also, apparently, her friend told her that she "needed to do something about" the whole boyfriend thing. who knows, something might come of this after all. i guess this means i'll have to start taking more showers and dressing a little better again. oh, and as i told paul, i'll have to start running again.

here's a list of things i told paul that i needed to either start doing, or stop doing:

1. quit smoking — it really sucks and makes me feel like crap about 85% of the time.
2. quit eating such big meals. — even when i don't intend to, i usually end up getting more food than i technically need, then, because i paid for it, i feel like i have to eat it.
3. start running — self explanatory, considering the above two items.
4. stop waking up — really, if you think about it, waking up is the primary reason that we have bad days. if we didn't wake up, we wouldn't really have a bad day now, would we? that waking up shit is for the birds.

i think that was about it. but now that i'm sitting here, writing this, and my eyes feel like they're burning because i'm tired and they've been open too long, i realize that i need to add one more thing to that list.

5. start getting to bed on time — this might help with the whole waking up thing… perhaps my days would go better if i were more lucid throughout them.

anyway, it's beddybye time. 'night folks.

i've been to hell and back. i was overly optimistic about my moving experience. thursday we got the u-haul with no problems–if you don't count the customer in front of us in line who was cursing and yelling up a storm and in turn getting cursed and yelled at by the guy behind the counter…
it was quite an experience. and made it all the more fun to walk up to the counter and respond to the question "may i help you?" with a big smile and "i'd like to rent a truck!" while barely containing my laughter. really, i think a normal person (read: normal being the average joe human with force-fed christian morality) would have probably walked out and made a big scene; i just thought it was funny.

so, we get back to the old place and, according to plan, start trying to get the couch downstairs. brax and i fought with it for almost an hour, trying every different angle we could think of, but for some reason, despite the fact that it fit through the door to go UPstairs, it just wouldn't go out the door trying to get it DOWNstairs. we decided to postpone the couch until we could get paul over there to help us with his superior spatial reasoning skills. of course, at this point, we were completely bushed having basically held up a 300+ pound couch for almost an hour. we got a few of the smaller things moved… some bookshelves, the chair, my filing cabinets, the mattresses. then we took a break and went for sodas. as we were hanging out on the front porch, paul drove up, and we almost immediately put him to work helping us with our 2nd attempt at the couch. after another hour of struggle in which the walls of the stairwell were even further gouged and maimed, they finally convinced me to give up. feeling frustrated and beaten by an inanimate object, they finally convinced me to just accept brian's offer to buy the couch from me. that couch has been with me for over seven years. i'll miss it, but brian's granted me visitation rights. in fact, i think i'll go visit it tonight, under the pretense of getting the last few things i inadvertently left in the house.

and, of course, thursday wasn't the only day. we also spent several hours friday, and saturday lugging things out by the carload. sunday we spent a few more hours in a last mad dash carrying out the bulk of what was left. thankfully getting done and home in time to then go for our first grocery shopping excursion and still make it home in time for Iron Chef.

we've managed to organize our living room to some extent excluding unpacking of books, videos and cds. our kitchen is on it's way to organization, again with some minor unpacking. but unfortunately, my room is still a big pile of boxes. i'm still not sure how the furniture layout will go, and i probably won't figure that out until i get those boxes out of the way. but it is very nice to have my own room. i can now walk in my room, shut the door, and prance around naked without fear of someone barging in on me. naked time to me is important time. everyone should enjoy a little naked time every day. and i don't mean just getting in and out of the shower, but lazy lounging around naked time.

of course, because of the move, i've been without DSL since Thursday. I spent the entire weekend without internet access (though i could have used paul's computer if i'd wanted) since i don't have a regular modem in my computer. it was actually kind of nice. it seems that the net has somewhat taken over my life lately. so, i didn't get a chance to check email, read any of my daily sites, or, of course, update bipolar (though i did get the itch a couple times). i'll still be without for at least a few more days, but i'll try to keep up from here at work.

brian's comments in his post from thursday were touching. over the past year, brian and i have spent quite a bit of time together and gotten to know each other quite well. i'd say i've pretty much gotten him figured out. it's probably those fundamental similarities he mentioned that have made it possible for us to not kill each other, and the fundamental differences that made it just dynamic enough for us to not die of boredom with each other.

i imagine that bipolar will probably change and grow again, with this new chapter in our lives starting. it should be interesting.

wow. a whole year. yep, as brian pointed out, and as the more observant of you might have already noticed (yesterday), bipolar is now officially a year old. and i think i'll take a cue from brian on this one, and talk briefly about how the year has played itself out. i already did the self-referential link scavenger hunt back in january, so if you want links the easy way, go check that out.

how have things changed for me since my first entry on bipolar?

well, i guess the biggest thing would have to be my employment situation. when bipolar accepted its first visitor, i was unemployed and had been for a few months. i would have to say that was a pretty down time for me, emotionally, but i did enjoy the fact that i didn't have to do anything at all during the day if i didn't want to. i got a crappy job at Kinko's, because it was easy to get and i needed money pretty desperately. a month after getting that job, during the week i was in the training class, i got the job offer for my current job at corvus. so now, a year later i'm still happily employed, doing what i love to do and making decent money doing it. my professional life has never been better.

i'm just now (next week) preparing to move out of the apartment i've lived in for over two years, to go share an apartment with paul and current roommate brax. the three of us have lived together (well, obviously brax and i have) before on several different occasions, and we get along famously, so i'm really looking forward to the move. not to mention the fact that i'll finally (after over a year) have my own room again. when i first moved into my current apartment, i was living with my then-girlfriend–the often-mentioned, evil her. of course, i was completely in love with her, and everything was fine for a few months until she did her heart-stomping and friendship/fishhook thing on me. after she finally moved out, i had our room to myself for a few months until brax moved in (the first time). since brax couldn't share a room with Jess (since she's, y'know, a girl) he and i took the upstairs bedroom and shared that for a few months until his girlfriend got her meathooks back into him and dragged him back out into an apartment with her. then i had the whole upstairs to myself for… about a month, until brian's roommate situation fell through and he needed a place to stay "until he got on his feet and got his own place." a year later brian's still here, still sleeping on my couch. soon enough, though, he'll have the room to himself, and i'll have my own room to myself. as brian said, he thinks i'm the only person he could have shared such close quarters with for so long. i'd have to agree with him. i think i'm the only person on the planet who could live with him this long without going to the pawn shop to buy a gun, or checking myself into a mental institution.

i wrote my first post something like three months after the breakup of a very brief but intense relationship, and thankfully, by the time we started bipolar i'd pretty much gotten over it. so, i haven't yet had the pleasure of writing any serious relationship posts, since i've not had the pleasure of being involved in any relationships for the past year. i like to think that i'm just being picky and waiting for the right girl to come along, but i suppose i'm really just fucking shy as hell.

i'm probably about 20 pounds heavier than i was a year ago, but i've recently started trying to work out on a semi-regular basis to try and get back down to a more ideal weight. most of my friends say they can't or can only barely tell. of course, they're my friends, what else are they gonna say?

so, with all that's happened, it's been an interesting year. it's strange to realize that i have a record of quite a bit of that time. i've attempted to keep diaries in the past, but never been very successful (thus, my seeming inability to post on a daily basis). you are all witness to my longest running continuous diary. don't you feel special.

well, here's to another year and all the fun and excitement that it might bring. for those of you who've been here since early on, i hope you've enjoyed participating in our lives, and to you newcomers, thanks for reading… stick with us, the party's just begun.

well, it's been a crazy week so far. things at work have been hectic and chaotic. lots of stuff to do around here, and at times it seems like a lot of it is sliding my way. not that i think i'm the only one doing any work, but it just feels like i have a lot on my plate. combine that with the fact that, once again, i don't seem to be getting enough sleep, and you can understand how frazzled i feel i'm getting.

but, i did get the themes thing finished in a record 3 days, so i feel pretty good about that. also, i've added two (sort-of) new themes, so if you haven't been to the themes page in a couple days, check it out. the low tech theme is just what it says (if you discount all the scripting going on in the background, that is). i've also added a "random" theme, so you can set that and get a different design each time you visit.

wow, all this stuff is coming out a little flat sounding to me… i've been fighting off sleep all day at work… ugh. i'm supposed to be going running with paul tonight, but i think i'm going to just go home and rest. maybe read a little. maybe just sleep.

ah. i did something very high-schoolish a few days ago. i went to talk to the secretary at work, to sign a get well card for one of my co-workers, and while i was there, asked her what she knew about jenny (the girl i have a crush on). it was funny how her (the secretary's) eyes lit up and she had this big grin on her face. well, turns out she does have a boyfriend, but the secretary isn't sure how serious they are. her advice: "give it a few weeks." i'm still not sure what to think about this whole thing. i mean, should i even bother?

but this kind of ties into some of these conversations i've been having lately. women are asking me, "why aren't you dating anybody?" "you're a handsome guy, you should have a girlfriend." and of course, then i have to tell them about how picky i am, and how shy i am, and how really, at this point (due to the fact that i've put on a few pounds in the last year or so) i'm just not comfortable enough with how my body looks, to actually go up and seriously talk to someone i'd like to date. that's part of the reason for this big exercise kick i've been on (ie. i'm actually exercising for the first time in years), i have to get comfortable with myself, before i can expect anyone to be comfortable with me.

ok. but no exercising tonight. tonight is rest night, tonight is early bedtime night.

hump day again, folks, and today it really is comics day. (last week's was postponed 24 hours on account of easter).

for some reason, it seems like the weeks have just been flying by lately… there's no break, no pause. perhaps it's got something to do with the fact that i keep myself busy doing meaningless stuff on the computer or hanging out with friends. i really need to get out of the house more. at the very least, i'm hoping to start taking my laptop with its freshly charged batteries out on the back deck and doing some writing when i get home from work in the evenings.

BTW, thank the great oogly-moogly for bartelby.com.

so, this weekend was pretty fun, except for the fact that the instigator of the supposedly two-day affair bailed out by calling the Wicked Witch of the West (his bitch girlfriend) around midnight or so and leaving with her. i swear if she didn't owe him almost 2 grand, i'd kick her ass to the curb myself and lock him in his room without his phone for a week.

but, nevertheless, while people where there, the party was pretty damned fun, me happily prepping and grilling the food, and later climbing up on top of the garage with everyone else, me with a half-glass of whiskey in my hand that brian insisted i drink (since he was kind enough to bring the bottle with him when he came), and all of us hooting and hollering at what was at best an average fireworks display.

having finished yet another accelerated development project here at work, i've had a little time today to get back to reading some of my favorite blogs. puffin-a-go-go's a given since we spend and obscene amount of time together (y'know, being buddies and all), and there's also sharon (who hasn't updated in a couple days… much like yours truly), and my favorite sister whose most recent post has a long and funny story tacked onto the end. sara (my sister) has been trying really hard to keep a daily routine going with her blog, despite being horribly overworked. but, y'know, as i like to explain it, she may be horribly overworked, but she's horribly overworked in FRANCE. and finally, a post from a few days ago on murmur where tim serves up what is a really great metaphor in general, and really great for the way i myself have been feeling for a while now… except i'm still stuck in the "lost my keys" stage.

oh, and on Sunday, i went through the whole ordeal of reinstalling windows yet again, in an attempt to stabilize my system, which really can never work since i'm running on windows. perhaps i should just say screw it and learn me some linux.

well, i'm back now from my short weekend visiting my folks and my little bro, and i'd have to say i had an enjoyable time. seems like a whole lot happened in a 30+ hour period. saturday afternoon i spent pretty much all my money getting my oil and other various fluids replenished, so i ended up having to ask the 'rents for money (for the first time in a thankfully longish time) to get me through until payday. if my roommates would stop giving all their money to their stupid evil girlfriends, or spending it on guitars, i could probably actually do more than just pay bills with my money. (to set the record straight, brian has actually been the most consistent and responsive rent/bill payer for a while now, so the guitar comment is more of a friendly jab than an actual complaint).
i seem to inevitably end up in the "godfather" role, where i'm the one handling all the bills and my roommates end up owing me large sums of money. i don't anticipate having these problems when we move in with paul, even though the roommate i'm taking with me is the one who owes the most money. but, i've pretty much decided that if he doesn't catch up soon, i'm going to have to open up the proverbial can labeled "whup-ass"–either on him, or on that evil bitch of a girlfriend (who owes him probably a couple thousand dollars and keeps asking for more despite the fact that they both make about the same amount of money and she's living with her parents).

anyway, enough about that. my mom cooked her usual excruciatingly good meals while i was home, and i, of course, brought little samples back with me to help me survive 'til payday. today it's leftover country ham… mmm good.

my brother's been getting more and more interested in computers in the past year or so, so quite a bit of our conversations this weekend centered around that (he wants to buy a new computer, and m&p have agreed to front the money if he stops acting like a holy terror for a while.) so we discussed his options, and we've pretty much decided we'll build him a system like the one i'm planning to build, and probably come in under the parent's budget constraints. he wanted to buy an iMac, but it was about $500 outside of his range, so we're talking a PC. it's cheaper, and there's tons of free software (hehe). i also helped him out a little this weekend by acting as his computer merit badge counselor for Boy Scouts. basically i just asked him a bunch of questions, he gave me a bunch of answers, did a few little things on the computer, and everybody was happy. and, this may sound like neandarthalic chest-thumping, but i surprised myself with some of the stuff that i knew about computers and computer history.

sunday was fun, we were in the kitchen standing in the patio door with an air rifle (BB gun) trying to see who could shoot the ears of corn in the squirrel feeder (no animals were harmed in the making of this blog). then we ended up talking about my prowess as an archer from my own Boy Scout days (me insisting i was good, my dad insisting i was… well, maybe not that good). dad ended up busting out my old little kid bow and an arrow (probably the only one left intact from my days of shooting trees, stumps, the ground, and the garage). after my bro hung a soda can from a tree limb, i tried to shoot it with the bow and arrow. took me four tries, but i nailed it. after that, of course, for like an hour the three of us were standing out on the patio trying to shoot the can with dad's different bows. i think i was the only one who got a good solid hit on it several times, dad and javan each either hit around it, nicked it, or "bumped" it with the shaft of the arrow. so, i guess i was pretty proud of myself for proving to my dad that, hey, i really WAS good at it.

so, all in all it was a good weekend, a little of mom's home cooking, some family bonding time, and some good driving (amazingly enough, there wasn't a single spot of construction on the entire Western Kentucky (aka. William H. Natcher) parkway).

but i'm back at work now, bored as hell. half our servers are down because the AC went out in the server farm area and they overheated. hehe. ain't technology great.

oh, and be sure to check out my sister's posts about underwear (Mon., Apr. 9) and French radio and music (Thurs., Apr. 12). very entertaining stuff.

and also, sharon–continuing her sometimes theme of posting "forwarded emails" with commentary– has a nice post (Fri., Apr. 13) with some guidelines for interacting with and/or understanding the opposite sex.

well, it seems our server is having some troubles lately. the main reason i decided to switch x13 to a commercial server space was so we could get more consistent service and uptime. so much for that. luckily, the web server itself has been operational more often than the rest of the service we're paying for… the FTP has been up and down for the past several days. we're investigating our options.

This past weekend was fairly enjoyable. friday night paul and brian took it upon themselves to "medicate" me in hopes of curing me of the cold i've been fighting the past week. the night before, i went to the "healthy" burrito place (Qdoba, on bardstown road… and well, it's healthier than La Bamba's) where i proceeded to completely soak each bite of the burrito in lovely lovely tabasco in hopes that it would help "burn" the infection right out of me. as you can imagine, by the end of the meal, i was sweating like a pig, with a big grin on my face. but back to Friday… now, for nearly five years, i've had this aversion to whiskey as a result of a bad night with a bottle. couldn't even stomach the smell of the stuff. i've been trying, over the course of the past year or two, to regain my ability to stomach it, since i like(d) it so much more than beer. as far as i'm concerned, beer is piss water–any kind of beer. and, you have to drink so much of it to get any effect, you end up feeling bloated and uncomfortable by the end of the night, which kind of defeats the purpose of getting drunk.

anyway, brian and paul got this idea that they could give me whiskey to fight my cold. they lined up three shots for me. a regular, a kind of regular +, and a double. they expected me to drink this. number 1 went down fine (followed quickly by some mountain dew), number two went down not quite so fine. i stared at number three for a while contemplating the wisdom in shooting versus sipping. i went out on the back porch for a smoke. i decided sipping was about the only thing i could handle, as my gag reflex was fully prepped and ready to go were i to even attempt to shoot the last one. funny thing is, i barely got a buzz. normally, three shots of whiskey would have made me loopy… i'm afraid this may NOT be a good thing.

i won't go into more details of the night (paul & brian were both much worse off than i was, to say the least) but all in all it was a fun night of walking, completely f'ed up, up and down bardstown road (and spending half the time on back roads for reasons of paranoia).

yesterday was a nice day at work. not once, but twice i got an eye-contact/smile/wave/"bye" combo from the cute girl at work. i've been digging on her for months now, but i can't seem to get the nerve up to ask her out. i'm too much of a shy guy, and don't know what to say in those situations. i just know, as soon as i walk up to her, i'm going to feel like a complete moron. a maroon. ah, well. i'll figure it out eventually. oh, and one of the guys at work is threatening to reveal my secret, or force me into a situation. his threat earlier today was to page her over the intercom and use MY number. the fact that i'm a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than him doesn't seem to dissuade his eagerness for subterfuge.

finally, for those of you who enjoyed the pics of capeboy, here's a couple more now that amiga.org is back up.

unfortunately, i still haven't been able to find a good pic of the cute amiga girl, but if i do, i'll let ya know!

where to begin?

the last week at work has been rather… interesting, to say the least. the roosters are crowing while the little chicks and hens are just kind of nervously clucking and hopping about. top that off with my aforementioned bout with near-deathly illness (that being a rather nasty head-cold), by the time friday rolled around, i was ready to just kind of kick back and enjoy the weekend. i got an invitation from some co-workers to go out and wind down with a little drinkage after the workday, and, for once, had actually agreed (if somewhat reluctantly) to go. so, 10 minutes before i'm getting ready to head out, brian finally pops up on AIM, and i tried to find out if he and paul had any immediate plans for the evening of which i should be made aware. in other words, if they were actually planning on going out and doing something fun, i was going to ditch my work buddies and tag along with my homies. if, on the other hand, it was friday business-as-usual–no defined plans, except just taking the night as it comes–i'd go ahead and get my drink on with the corvus crowd.

so, here i am, wanting only one thing — a definitive answer as to whether or not he and paul had anything planned. what i got was some half-baked crap about "having something good planned" for me specifically, and that i would "definitely like it." i'm not sure if they could tell by my snappy responses, but i was actually getting very frustrated at them for being so damned evasive. i got this vague idea in the back of my head that maybe this had something to do with sharon, as i vaguely recalled some conversation we'd had almost a month ago about the possibility of her coming through town in the near future. and also, i figured that both brian and paul know how much she means to me, and that she'd pretty much be the only person for whom i'd consider changing my plans. their mutual assertions that it would be "worth it," and paul's "trust me," pretty much cinched it for me. (of course, i think that until they read this, they're still under the impression that i was completely hoodwinked.)

and sure enough, moments after i got home (having noticed that the front door was suspiciously unlocked), who should come up the stairs but sharon herself, in all her radiant beauty. i don't know how many of you have ever actually had a "frown turned upside down" in the space of two heartbeats, but i can authoritatively say that it does happen. we spent the next few hours just hanging out and talking, having a good time. i finally got to meet the boyfriend that i've heard so much about, and having met him and gotten to know him a little, i have to grudgingly give him my approval. well, you know, not that that really matters. but it's like i told him as they were leaving… "you better take good care of her, 'cause i don't want to have to hurt you."

sharon and i shared a couple whiskey shots, chased with some really flat coke (which, i realized, is one way that i can actually do whiskey shots, lord help us) and chatted briefly down in the kitchen, before rejoining the rest of the boys upstairs. all in all, it was a low-key visit, but a very welcomed one. i'm always happy to talk to sharon, and obviously so much happier to actually get to see and spend time with her. but i'm greedy, i wish she (yes, and grant as well) could have stayed a little longer, hung out, maybe had a big crazy night drinking, bowling, and carrying on. maybe we'll be able to do that when i go visit them in sunny cali. we'll go show those little hollywood bums how to really party.

as brian pointed out in a post yesterday, i've spent the last couple days recuperating from my first (and hopefully only) real cold of the winter season. funny how these always hit me when winter's on the way out. anyway, i was fairly miserable on Tuesday, but went to work anyway. by about 10:30 i realized it would be nearly impossible to remain lucid at work for the next 6 hours, so i decided to cut and run at lunchtime… hoping, of course, that going home and lounging on the couch and napping for the rest of the day would speed me on the road to recovery and make it so i could go to work Wednesday and be productive. unfortunately, by the end of the evening, i was probably feeling worse than i had earlier in the day, and i was debating on calling in before i even went to bed. but i hoped that a good night's rest would fix me right up, and after downing a few cups of hot tea, i hit the sack intending to figure things out in the morning.

long story short, i ended up taking off the whole day wednesday, lounging around the house most of the day watching reruns of classic star trek and quantum leap. i'd forgotten what a fantastic show quantum leap was.

well, now i'm back at work. and lovin every minute of it. oh, and yeah, i'm feeling quite a bit better.