you'd think i'd have this whole breaking up thing down to a science. god knows i've been dumped more times than i can even count. pretty much every girl that has ever been stupid enough to date me has sent me packing. so like i said…you'd think i'd be used to it by now.

point of contention amongst my friends: despite everything that has happened over the past week, i'm still going to visit her next weekend. i mean…i did buy the tickets. it would be a total waste of $200 to not go. and i've got a back up plan: if things don't go so well, i call jack and i spend the weekend seeing boston. at the very least, i'll be seeing him on monday, if everything turns out fine. my main reason for going, though, is that she wants me to. some people are gonna look at me askance over that one, but what do i care? i've always had a streak for self-destruction. i won't deny it. but i'd like to hold some hope out that maybe something can be worked out. i mean…she wouldn't be harsh enough to want me to fly out just to give me my t-shirt back, right?

there is one thing giving me pause, though. she's doing the whole not talking to me thing again. i just can't deal with that. don't tell me you still want to talk to me and then always have an excuse not to. that's maddening. it's the age-old adage about actions and words, y'know? i know i should try to let some of this die down over the next week. give us both a little time to think about what we want (even though she sounds pretty damn certain, already) and how we want my visit to play out. but…i feel like someone has smashed me in the chest with a sledgehammer…and i'd honestly do anything to have this feeling go away.

i apologize that my side of things have been so morose lately. i'll try to make an effort to not be such a downer next time.

but hell…everyone loves some drama, right?

right?