boo. bipolar is officially back, at this point, i'd say. assuming we can actually get a post up, which brian seems to be having trouble doing at this point. we'll see if this goes any better.

i'd write more, but after a long long night with way way too much whiskey (i've unfortunately discovered that mountain dew & whiskey really really taste good together…) i have GOT to get some food and coffee and a cigarette. my body needs. i must sate it.

it's been a very busy few weeks at work with a few big projects landing on my desk, or threatening to land on my desk simultaneously. in fact, i went the entire workday today not logged onto AIM or jabber, not chatting with friends, as i am prone to doing throughout the day. i've developed this bad habit where i come into work and take the first hour or so catching up on news sites, or getting sucked into really involved IM conversations with paul and nathan. my work ethic has seriously suffered from these several months (since around February) with very little to do while at work.

right now, i'm actually having trouble trying to remember all the things that have gone on in my life recently. it seems like i've just been going pretty steadily since my last post. we've had several band practices (we're actually managing to get together not just once, but twice a week now!), several nights spent drinking at bars and hanging out with friends.

i actually had enough presence of mind to write last-minute emails to some friends of ours that we'd sort-of lost contact with, and they ended up hanging out with us over the weekend at the big 30th birthday party we threw for brax. so, it was really cool to get to hang out with our friends again, and it really helped to elevate the birthday party above our usual run-of-the-mill cookout get-togethers we've been having infrequently. and, of course, it also helped that payday fell on that week just before the big party weekend, so i could afford to have as good a time as i could handle.

and my sister ended up swinging through town on her way to language camp in (or near) minneapolis. so we were able to have lunch together before she went off to spend a couple months with a bunch of american kids speaking bad french.

oh, and another fun thing was going to see Final Fantasy on Friday night when wug came up. the movie really was pretty good, if you (as paul mentioned) can deal with the cliche'd plot, story, and characterization. but really, the animation was amazing. i mean, it's still obvious that it's computer generated, so flesh and blood actors needn't be afraid quite yet. in fact, probably the best part of the whole movie was getting to see the spider-man teaser on the big screen. i tell you, that helicopter scene just sends shivers of joy up my spine everytime i see it. the shots of spidey swinging through the city still look a bit too CGI, but i think that the effects in the movie are going to be excellent. now, cross your fingers and hope for a decently written story.

well, i think that's done me in for tonight. i'm looking forward to taking a half-day tomorrow, and taking monday off, making this a nice extended weekend. hopefully i'll be able to motivate myself and get some stuff done. wish me luck.

well. i never did manage to write anything about that dream that i had… or anything else for that matter. another week has slipped by with me, once again, thinking about writing a post every day, but never quite managing to pull up blogger and actually do it. and what a strange week it's been as well. right now it's friday night, but it feels like a tuesday or thursday except that my belly is full of Denny's and there's a bag full of comics sitting on my bed in my room downstairs, so it kind of feels like a wednesday too. i'm just all messed up. the past couple of days have been fairly depressing.

now, don't get me wrong, first off my sister did come into town (from FRANCE, no less) and spent the first few days of her American vacation here at the house. i love my sister to death, and i'm really glad that i got to see her. unfortunately, visiting with her was probably the happiest part of the past few days. we all had a grand time hanging out on Tuesday night; me, my sis, paul, brax, and mr. norman (not sure how he feels about us using his name on these blog things, so i'll just leave it at that). we all sat around (as described in paul's blog) and played a game of drunken trivial pursuit until the attack of the evil succubus. after that, the party kind of devolved into bitching, whining, pissing, moaning, laughing, chatting, and generally haphazardly carrying on. of course, brax and his cancerous growth were arguing on the front porch (which is my only smoking area) so i had to interrupt them and then walk around the block while i smoked. nothing like not being able to enjoy your only refuge to really twist your spine.

then, of course, came the 4th of july. big plans for a big party with a bunch of our friends, some good food, drinks galore, and fireworks spectacularrr. so i got up around noonish figured i'd have a lazy kind of day until around 3 or 4, y'know, relax and enjoy my day off, which i did. of course, this entire time, brax is locked in his room having his soul ripped away. around 4 my sis started complaining about being terribly hungry, but i was hoping she could hold off until we got the grill fired up at jim's house around 6. i mentioned to paul (who'd already gone out and gotten some grub himself) that we should probably start gathering up the troops for the trip to jim's. his response was that it was "too late." so, seeing my big plans effectively dashed against the rocks by brax's disappearance and paul's bad mood (we could have done the cookout without brax, and perhaps that would have served to point out the stupidity he was subjecting himself to…), i got dressed and my sis and i went out for dinner. we didn't get to go to several of our first choice restaurants because they were closed for the 4th, but finally settled in at Mark's Feed Store for some good Barbecue. after getting back home i called up jim to tell him about the failure of my plans, and to suggest we might have a more intimate little gathering to watch movies or something. i also tried to call my former roommate jess to be sure she was aware of what was(n't) going on, but didn't actually get to talk to her. a few hours later, jim called back and said that she and her beau were already over there. i woke my sis from her food and jet-lag induced slumber, grabbed some movies, and hit the door. we stopped at the grocery and picked up some ice cream, then got to jim's.

after we got there, we chit-chatted with jim, jess, and john, the polite conversation eventually turning into an enjoyably heated discussion about stereotypes, homosexuality, religion and religious fundamentalists, theology, and philosophy. lori (jim's wife) got home and jess and john left shortly thereafter to go to another friend's party. so the four of us hung out and chatted a bit longer before settling on "Heathers" and plopping ourselves in the living room to watch it. after the movie we just came home and called it a night. not quite the fun, enjoyable time i'd been looking forward to, but at least it wasn't a total bust. at least i was still able to get sara out to socialize a little bit. the day had pretty much pissed me off, because my sister had decided to spend her time with me on the 4th of july rather than with her friends who were also planning (and probably actually did) some exciting things for the holiday. i'm glad i got to see her and hang out with her, but i think she'd have had a better time with her friends.

and of course, the other reason i was in an ill mood wednesday and thursday, is the conversation that my father & i had had on the phone on wednesday. i know i've talked about it before, but a bad familial relationship isn't something you can just sweep under the rug and forget about, it just keeps coming up, each and every time you interact with that person. as i said, i've already talked about it in this forum, so i'll not drown you with the details. if you're a glutton for this type of thing, you can freely search through the archives for it. but i did eventually take off from work an hour early on thursday so i could be home when dad got there to see him and so i could tell my sis bye. hanging out with my dad was worse than the phone conversation. we hung out, we talked, he made jokes, i made jokes, but when he left i was just completely depressed. i almost just shut myself in my room to read a book, but instead i immersed myself in a game of bridgebuilder.

anyway, i'm not so depressed today, it's actually been a decent day. i'm a little tired. i'm very broke. i'm going out for a smoke.

themes

or something.

so, as you might have been reading, here and on the a-go-go it's been an interesting, pleasantly eventful weekend. where do i start? perhaps i should just summarize.

  friday: birthday dinner with brian and co. seeing as we were eating in an italian restaurant, i came to the realization that it would be really cool to be a mafia boss. someone pointed out that mafia boss's wives are almost always ugly, mean, and/or flamboyant nouveau riche hags. yet another point was made that mafia bosses quite often have a plethora of pretty young mistresses interested only in your money and power. and y'know, sometimes, that sounds like it would be really nice. and, in a flamboyant move of my own that played into the whole mafia boss feeling i was having, i bought dinner for everyone. yes, i am flaunting that, but keep in mind i also have only $30 left to my name until payday.
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit on some changes to bipolar. (oh, i'm not going to spoil it yet. you've gotta read on.)

  saturday: slept until 3pm. had lunch with brian. brax & i went to meet paul so they could get some dinner, then we hung out at the house for the majority of the night (later to be joined by my friend nicole), playing zombies ate my neighbors, watching saturday night live, drinking (me – beam & pepsi, brax & paul – beer), then heading to the twig later for some of the oft-mentioned "louisville paul brown" (a.k.a. ky hot brown).
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit more on some changes to bipolar. (ah… not yet.)

  sunday: as brian mentioned i was still up (working on those changes) when he went to work around 8:30am. i decided that since the sun was up, it would probably be a good idea to get some sleep. got back up at 2:00pm or so, lounged around the house in my bathrobe, sat out on the back porch and smoked, and… worked quite a bit on those changes to bipolar. indeed, with the exception of an hour and a half trying to sort my way through a convoluted thread about Amiga on slashdot, i spent almost the entire day until 3:30a.m. working on those damned changes.

and let me guess… you didn't even notice did you?

it is possible that the more observant of you will have noticed the addition of a couple links to that dropdown links box up there at the top… way down there at the bottom. see that? well, "webcam" you may already be familiar with, but that "themes" link… that's it. that's what i've spent the past unholy amount of time working on. so click it already.

or finish reading first, whatever. anyway, it's something that i mentioned a while ago–the ability to choose your favorite bipolar design, rather than having our whims and fancies foisted upon you. overall, i'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out and how it works. the only exception to this is the fact that for some reason, i can't get netscape to set the damn cookie. so those of you who are holding out, keeping the faith against the evil corporation, well, you gotta do it the hard way for now. (it's all explained somewhat on the themes page). but, if any of you are PHP gurus, please please please if you know anything about why netscape is being a bitch about setting cookies, please let me know. you have no idea how much i HATE having to say that a microsoft product actually does something better.

well, there's a bunch of other stuff i could write about, like all the great conversations i've had this past week, with co-workers and friends and what-have-you. but i've wasted enough "computrons" (as a co-worker likes to say) as it is, and you need to go have fun playing with the new themes (and breaking them and telling me about it). oh, and at the moment, it's not real obvious about how to get back to the main bipolar page, so just move that mouse up to the upper left corner of the page after you choose your swanky new bipolar theme.

peace.

i think we all know the feeling, that moment that we all have experienced at least once, where you just feel like everything you do is not enough, where you feel that your life is completely worthless, and where, just for a moment, you really really wish that there was some way to just give up. well, about 4:15 this afternoon, i walked out on one of the loading docks at the back of my building, and this feeling just washed over me. i was soaked with it, drowning in it, but there was no reason for it to be there. it was the strangest thing. i sincerely felt, for that moment, that every little struggle that life throws at us is completely, utterly pointless. in fact, it was such an odd thing, there being, as i said, no real reason for it, that i pointed it out to my buddies who were out there with me. of course, by the time i was able to articulate it, the tide itself had passed, and i was only feeling the little substance that remained as it drained away from me.

don't look for me to explain it, or to launch into some great exposition about how it's not true, life's not pointless, things aren't as dismal as they seem, because though i don't really believe it, i also can't firmly deny it. if there is a point to life, it's as i explained to a friend the other day… our one and only purpose for being here, alive in this universe, is to reproduce and continue the cycle of life and death. and lest you misunderstand me, i'm not talking from a spiritual perspective at all here, i'm referring merely to our biological imperative and reason for being. the spiritual or even theological side of the argument is an entirely separate side of the coin.

anyway, the past weekend was very enjoyable. spent some time with some friends i don't get to hang out with much, and had a great time. paul's drinking buddy (and music playing buddy, and just general all-around buddy, i guess) neil showed up ,and when told that paul was with us, his (somewhat tongue in cheek) remark was "Alright! Paul's here! Now i can DRINK!" maybe that's too much of an inside joke to really be funny here, but believe me, it is funny.

that bad bad girl sharon still hasn't updated her page, since even my last update, so everyone be sure to visit and tell her to write something. i mean, really, if i've updated twice since her last update, something needs to be done.

finally, my sister finally finished her self-described NC17 story (which started here) which turned out to be as funny as the first part suggested. my poor naive little sister. of course, i'd have been had just as easily.

well, gee, i guess that'll do for today, don't wanna overwhelm anybody. i really need to post more often so i don't have to play catch up every time. oh, and speaking of updating more often, our illustrious former web-host and all-around systems brainiac just chastised me for not having updated my web-cam in almost a month. i'll see if i can't get 'er up and running tonight, and at least get a fresh picture up there.

hump day again, folks, and today it really is comics day. (last week's was postponed 24 hours on account of easter).

for some reason, it seems like the weeks have just been flying by lately… there's no break, no pause. perhaps it's got something to do with the fact that i keep myself busy doing meaningless stuff on the computer or hanging out with friends. i really need to get out of the house more. at the very least, i'm hoping to start taking my laptop with its freshly charged batteries out on the back deck and doing some writing when i get home from work in the evenings.

BTW, thank the great oogly-moogly for bartelby.com.

so, this weekend was pretty fun, except for the fact that the instigator of the supposedly two-day affair bailed out by calling the Wicked Witch of the West (his bitch girlfriend) around midnight or so and leaving with her. i swear if she didn't owe him almost 2 grand, i'd kick her ass to the curb myself and lock him in his room without his phone for a week.

but, nevertheless, while people where there, the party was pretty damned fun, me happily prepping and grilling the food, and later climbing up on top of the garage with everyone else, me with a half-glass of whiskey in my hand that brian insisted i drink (since he was kind enough to bring the bottle with him when he came), and all of us hooting and hollering at what was at best an average fireworks display.

having finished yet another accelerated development project here at work, i've had a little time today to get back to reading some of my favorite blogs. puffin-a-go-go's a given since we spend and obscene amount of time together (y'know, being buddies and all), and there's also sharon (who hasn't updated in a couple days… much like yours truly), and my favorite sister whose most recent post has a long and funny story tacked onto the end. sara (my sister) has been trying really hard to keep a daily routine going with her blog, despite being horribly overworked. but, y'know, as i like to explain it, she may be horribly overworked, but she's horribly overworked in FRANCE. and finally, a post from a few days ago on murmur where tim serves up what is a really great metaphor in general, and really great for the way i myself have been feeling for a while now… except i'm still stuck in the "lost my keys" stage.

oh, and on Sunday, i went through the whole ordeal of reinstalling windows yet again, in an attempt to stabilize my system, which really can never work since i'm running on windows. perhaps i should just say screw it and learn me some linux.

well, it seems our server is having some troubles lately. the main reason i decided to switch x13 to a commercial server space was so we could get more consistent service and uptime. so much for that. luckily, the web server itself has been operational more often than the rest of the service we're paying for… the FTP has been up and down for the past several days. we're investigating our options.

This past weekend was fairly enjoyable. friday night paul and brian took it upon themselves to "medicate" me in hopes of curing me of the cold i've been fighting the past week. the night before, i went to the "healthy" burrito place (Qdoba, on bardstown road… and well, it's healthier than La Bamba's) where i proceeded to completely soak each bite of the burrito in lovely lovely tabasco in hopes that it would help "burn" the infection right out of me. as you can imagine, by the end of the meal, i was sweating like a pig, with a big grin on my face. but back to Friday… now, for nearly five years, i've had this aversion to whiskey as a result of a bad night with a bottle. couldn't even stomach the smell of the stuff. i've been trying, over the course of the past year or two, to regain my ability to stomach it, since i like(d) it so much more than beer. as far as i'm concerned, beer is piss water–any kind of beer. and, you have to drink so much of it to get any effect, you end up feeling bloated and uncomfortable by the end of the night, which kind of defeats the purpose of getting drunk.

anyway, brian and paul got this idea that they could give me whiskey to fight my cold. they lined up three shots for me. a regular, a kind of regular +, and a double. they expected me to drink this. number 1 went down fine (followed quickly by some mountain dew), number two went down not quite so fine. i stared at number three for a while contemplating the wisdom in shooting versus sipping. i went out on the back porch for a smoke. i decided sipping was about the only thing i could handle, as my gag reflex was fully prepped and ready to go were i to even attempt to shoot the last one. funny thing is, i barely got a buzz. normally, three shots of whiskey would have made me loopy… i'm afraid this may NOT be a good thing.

i won't go into more details of the night (paul & brian were both much worse off than i was, to say the least) but all in all it was a fun night of walking, completely f'ed up, up and down bardstown road (and spending half the time on back roads for reasons of paranoia).

yesterday was a nice day at work. not once, but twice i got an eye-contact/smile/wave/"bye" combo from the cute girl at work. i've been digging on her for months now, but i can't seem to get the nerve up to ask her out. i'm too much of a shy guy, and don't know what to say in those situations. i just know, as soon as i walk up to her, i'm going to feel like a complete moron. a maroon. ah, well. i'll figure it out eventually. oh, and one of the guys at work is threatening to reveal my secret, or force me into a situation. his threat earlier today was to page her over the intercom and use MY number. the fact that i'm a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than him doesn't seem to dissuade his eagerness for subterfuge.

finally, for those of you who enjoyed the pics of capeboy, here's a couple more now that amiga.org is back up.

unfortunately, i still haven't been able to find a good pic of the cute amiga girl, but if i do, i'll let ya know!

alright, now that the internet's working, our servers are up, and i've gotten some free time, i'll finally write the post-Amiga-convention update you've all been waiting for.

of course, paul pretty much covered the majority of it already, but i suppose i have a few things to add.

the drive up was thankfully uneventful, though we did have to stop a few times for strong coffee. as we came into St. Louis, we started following the directions we'd gotten from mapquest.com. We pulled off I-270, and saw in front and off to the right of our exit ramp, the hotel that i was pretty sure was the one in which we'd be staying. despite the hotel's location, the driving directions said to turn left. we followed it left, right, up a big hill, and to the right again, where we came to the literal end-of-the-line. a big metal guard-rail was spanning the abrupt end of the road we were on, looking out over I-270. we cracked a few jokes about mapquest trying to heighten the sense of adventure for travelers, and i suggested that it was possible, if he built up enough speed, we might be able to make it over 6 lanes of divided expressway and the banks on either side to land in the parking lot that sittingly off in the hazy distance. he decided not to put alice (his car) up to that test, as she'd just had a hard day of driving and needed a rest.

at the convention, we found the typical assortment of rather large, mustache wearing, long stringy-haired people… the types of people you'd expect to find at a star trek convention. in fact, these people and their fanaticism are partly why i've never bothered to go to a meeting of the local Amiga user group. i had my fill of those types during my tenure as president of the star trek fan club in Murray. (ooh, there's a good bit of history for ya.) now, looking around on the web after the convention, i'd managed to locate a few images of the people there who were "out-there" enough for paul & i to actually give them names. unfortunately, amiga.org has been overwhelmed by visitors searching for show news and have been shut down by their hosting company for exceeding their transfer limits. after more searching, i was finally able to find a pic or two of capeboy. as soon as amiga.org comes back, i'll introduce you to funnypants guy and amiga grrl, and maybe the amiga girl we actually thought was fairly attractive, but who, of course, neither one of us talked to.

also, as paul stated, we spent the majority of saturday drinking the free beer, walking around the exhibit hall floor making fun of 85% of the people there. oh, and of course, there were the several hours i spent drunkenly struggling over whether or not to purchase that almost $300 worth of equipment, or to save my money and be able to eat this week. well, i ended up stalling long enough to not have to make that decision, so i purchased almost $100 worth of software as a consolation — not like i could go to an Amiga convention and come back empty handed!

so, day one saw paul & i drunk for the majority of the day, and one the free beer ran out, we went to the bar next door to "top off."

day two was a little more laid back, considering paul's difficulty recovering from the previous day's sleep-deprived drunkenness, and the return of his cold. we decided (for paul's sake) not to stay for the entire day of the conference, partly because he wasn't feeling well, partly because he wanted to get home to watch x-files, and partly because we'd already seen everything in the exhibit hall at least 20 times the day before. i went to a couple more seminars, and stalled my purchase until around 2:30 or 3, then we took off for home.

ok, well, this has gone on too long. suffice it to say, i had an enjoyable weekend, and i really appreciate puffin offering his services as chauffer and body-guard for the trip.

and finally, in reference to the whole spider-girl thing, marvel announced today that spider-girl will NOT be canceled. so, if you guys actually wrote in at my prompting, i'd just like to say thanks, you've helped save one of my favorite books.

the good: tomorrow is the day the puffin and i go up to st. louis for my much anticipated Amiga convention… amazingly enough, the first i'll ever have attended. i've always wanted to go to the st. louis con, but never seemed to be able to afford it. well, now i'm in a little better place financially, though i still seem to have a non-paying roommate on my hands. so anyway, big announcements are expected, but mainly i'm going up there to have a little fun and maybe get some new computer equipment to finally fix up that Amiga 1200 i was bragging about a few months ago. i'm not sure if we'll have net access up in the hotel up there, but if we do, we'll try to keep you posted on our blood/alcohol level.

oh, and as paul mentioned in his blog, he's burned an MP3 cd for our trip, so i've basically got a 10 hour puffin mixed tape to look forward to hearing. i've never known him to build a bad mix tape.

the bad: well, it's official. she's moved in. we got home from dinner tonight and lo and behold there's a moving van out front of the house of the formerly ugly orange doors. we had the pleasure of seeing "idiot jerk" walk out of the house to the moving van… er, well, brian and paul had that pleasure. i was trying to just kind of ignore the whole thing, lest i do something rash. brian however, took great pleasure in glaring menacingly at "idiot jerk" until we got the front door open. i'm pretty certain that without any of us doing anything outright, the guy will certainly know that he's not welcome in my neighborhood.

but, as i said, i'm trying not to think about it, and though i did feel that little pang of… i don't know… maybe jealousy… or something, and though i do know that at some point, i am most certainly going to freak out about this, i'm doing fine right now.

quick update to the people i resemble list from 12.11.2000.

this is a new one. according to a co-worker, i look like a young, blonde will riker. (for you non-star trek people, will riker is "number one" from star trek: the next generation).

and for your enjoyment (since i looked it up) here's a comprehensive Star Trek drinking game.